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THEASE ARE SOME GREAT Emergency Service - Humor
"Old fire-fighters never die, they just stop arson
around!"
"You flame, we aim"
"Just a Foam call away"
Q: What did the Mexican Fire Chief call his
sons?
A: Hose A, Hose B.
Q: Why do firemen wear red braces?
A: To keep their trousers up.
Respond to a women impaled on a fish, with difficulty
breathing.
TRUE STORY
Female employee at an exotic fish store was
getting a tiger shovel mouthed catfish out of the tank,
when she lost control of the
fish and it fell to the floor.
The fish was about a foot long, and like all catfish had a sharp spike which was part of its dorsal fin.
When she reached down to grab the fish, she got
spiked by the dorsal fin. The spike entered her medial
palm just below the
little finger and went 2.5 inches into her hand. (I saw the
XRAYs)
Upon our arrivel, the fish, now doing the
kibbie, was still attached to her hand, and our patient was
hyperventilating
(understandable). We cut the spike from the fin with a pair of
scissors, which allowed the patient to
stop hyperventilating.
Transported the patient, she required surgery to remove the spike.
Jack Webb, FF/Paramedic
"Everybody Must Get Scanned"
.They scan you when you fall and bump your head
They scan you when they think you may be dead
They scan you when your eyes are di-a-lated
They scan you when your brains are mash potated
They do it so they won't get canned
Everybody must get scanned!
They scan you when you hit a greyhound bus
They scan you when your ears are dripping pus
They scan you when your bones are little pieces
They scan you to complete their Masters thesis
It's the biggest toaster in the land
Every body must get scanned!
They scan you when your ticker skips a beat
They scan you cause they think it's really neat
They scan you though you try to run away
They scan you on your favorite holiday
There must be better ways to get tanned
Every body must get scanned!
They scan you when your spine begins to curve
They scan you when they think you broke a nerve
They scan you when you're old but not forgotten
Unless of course your Medical is rotten
Glowing in the dark is mighty grand
Every body must get scanned!
They scan you when your body takes a bullet
To find out where it is before they pull it
They scan you when you seize or have a spasm
They scan you when you've got a neoplasm
They do it 'fore the thing gets banned
Every body must get scanned!
They scan you if you shake and have the fits
They scan you if you swallow cherry pits
They scan you when they want to look inside
To find out what goes on beneath your hide
It's working like the doctors planned
Every body must get scanned!
One night in a sleepy town the chemical plant explodes into
flames. The alarm goes out and
departments from miles around race
to the scene. After fighting the fire for over an hour the
chemical company president approaches the
fire chief, "All of our secret
formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must
be saved! I will give $50,000 to the
engine company that brings
them out safely!"
With this the firemen attack with a renewed gusto. Two hours
later they still have not gained any
ground. With this the company
president offers $100,000 to the engine company that brings out
the company's secret files. In the
distance a lone siren is heard
and soon another fire truck comes into sight. The fire chief
realizes that is that little rinky-dink volunteer
fire company composed
entirely of men over 65. Much to his amazement the fire engine
races through the chemical plant gates
and drives right into the
middle of the inferno. He can see these old timers hopping off
their rig and fighting the fire with an
effort that he has never seen
before.
Less than an hour later the fire is out and the secret
formulas have been saved by this group of
volunteers! The chemical
company president is so estatic he doubles the reward to
$200,000! After thanking the volunteers the
chemical company
president can't help but ask what they will do with the reward
money. The engineer (driver) looks him
right in the eye... "First
thing we do is fix the darn brakes on that truck!"
AT an MVA my captain was explaining to the nice
elderly lady that this is a cervical collar, and I'm
going to have to put it on you ...
At this point she interrupted him by saying
that it wasn't necessary, her cervix has been bad for years!
A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across
three entire seats in the posh Amarillo Theater. When the usher
came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy,
"Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more
impatient: "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to
have to call the manager."
Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly
back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.
Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but
with no success.
Finally, they summoned the police. The Texas Ranger surveyed the
situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your
name?"
"Sam," the cowboy moaned. "Where ya from,
Sam?" asked the Ranger.
With pain in his voice Sam replied, "The balcony..."
Driving to work, a gentleman had to
swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.
Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the
road. The policemen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was
found to contain large upholstery tacks. "I'm sorry
sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am
still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what. The trooper replied,
..."Tacks evasion."
"How come you're late?" asks
the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.
"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down
Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying
in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg
was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood
everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my
training came back to me in a minute."
"What did you do?" asks the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from
fainting!"
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