breakast:
none
lunch:
a pepperoni pizza and salad; thrown up
dinner:
cream of veggie and rice soup soem cheese and crackers
i couldn't
throw up dinner cause robyn came down to the bathroom with
me..she
has been laying such a guilt trip on me about my leaving.. not
my fault..
i must have cried 25 times today...i have a sore throat...i
got
wonderful happie emails from my love.. and right now he is the
only
reason i have to breathe... i am dredfull afraid that once he
sees
me.. that he wont want me..because am not very pretty.. and i am
fat..
not plump or over weight.. but fat...no one has ever loved me
before..
and now the one who has never seen me wants me in his life..i
think
the sight of me will break the spell.. no one could fanatsize
about
someone who look like this...he worrys about age.. i know that
the
age won't matter.. this attraction of his will die i know it.. and
then
what will i have..i know being thin won't make me happy.. i will
still
be as fucked up..but i'll have one less thing to worry about.. i
will
have a solid base to begin from.. because i can't walk the high
wore
of life when i don't thing my saftey net is attached very
strongly..
sure its strong and woven well.. but if it comes untied
what
use will it do?