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In these changing times ...

...many Indians may find it difficult to reconcile the traditional ways of looking at the world with the demands of modern society.

Arranged marriages take on a different role or are conducted in new ways, leaving individuals confused as to what exactly is expected of them or how best to find a compatible mate. Recently, there has been a demand for Indian men who either are born or live in the United States. Looking at the issue from the perspective of an Indian male born in the United States, things are especially difficult. He may desire to marry a woman from India, but how does he go about it? What is he looking for? What does he expect?

It would be wrong to presume or to generalize what the American-born Indian is looking for, but certain the reasons for marriage in America fifty years ago versus now are not necessarily the same. Today's American culture puts a premium on equality between man and woman, husband and wife with more of an emphasis on the concept of love, or at least companionship. These concepts are carried over to the American-born Indian who is more likely to desire a woman who compliments his personality, spirit, goals and dreams than a woman who is simply a good homemaker.

Though the American-born Indian man still wants a lot of the traditional Indian values when considering his future partner, much of the cultural and spiritual heritage of India has the potential to be lost in the melting pot of Western values. With this feeling of cultural loss within the United States, so many American-born Indians turn toward the country of their parents for mates. They want wives who are Indian, who exemplify the culture, religion and traditions of their ancestral home. So the key, these days, is a happy medium between East and West. It is safe to say that a lot of American-born Indians are looking for the cultural heritage of India in their future wives, but also desire an equal marriage in which the wife works and shares the responsibilities of the household. The traditional roles of the husband and wife -- one working while the other tends to house and children -- no longer apply as they once did. The American born Indian man wants his wife to pursue her own career, to be an equal partner in the marriage. And he expects his wife to integrate herself in the Western culture, at least in some ways, while still retaining her roots in the East.

Traditionally, Indian women communicate a certain sense of gentleness which adds to her femininity. She is perceived as family-oriented and caring of relatives and friends of her partner. But to an American-born Indian, that may not be enough. She has to have her own identity, and yet be a friend, companion, partner and lover for her own man. So for today's contemporary Indian in America, the challenge is to find a way to strike a balance between two cultures in a world of change that won't slow down.

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