...many Indians may find it difficult to reconcile the traditional ways of
looking at the world with the demands of modern society.
Arranged marriages take on a different
role or are conducted in new ways, leaving individuals confused as to what exactly is
expected of them or how best to find a compatible mate. Recently, there has been a demand
for Indian men who either are born or live in the United States. Looking at the issue from
the perspective of an Indian male born in the United States, things are especially
difficult. He may desire to marry a woman from India, but how does he go about it? What is
he looking for? What does he expect?
It would be wrong to presume or to
generalize what the American-born Indian is looking for, but certain the reasons for
marriage in America fifty years ago versus now are not necessarily the same. Today's
American culture puts a premium on equality between man and woman, husband and wife with
more of an emphasis on the concept of love, or at least companionship. These concepts are
carried over to the American-born Indian who is more likely to desire a woman who
compliments his personality, spirit, goals and dreams than a woman who is simply a good
homemaker.
Though the American-born Indian man
still wants a lot of the traditional Indian values when considering his future partner,
much of the cultural and spiritual heritage of India has the potential to be lost in the
melting pot of Western values. With this feeling of cultural loss within the United
States, so many American-born Indians turn toward the country of their parents for mates.
They want wives who are Indian, who exemplify the culture, religion and traditions of
their ancestral home. So the key, these days, is a happy medium between East and West. It
is safe to say that a lot of American-born Indians are looking for the cultural heritage
of India in their future wives, but also desire an equal marriage in which the wife works
and shares the responsibilities of the household. The traditional roles of the husband and
wife -- one working while the other tends to house and children -- no longer apply as they
once did. The American born Indian man wants his wife to pursue her own career, to be an
equal partner in the marriage. And he expects his wife to integrate herself in the Western
culture, at least in some ways, while still retaining her roots in the East.
Traditionally, Indian women communicate
a certain sense of gentleness which adds to her femininity. She is perceived as
family-oriented and caring of relatives and friends of her partner. But to an
American-born Indian, that may not be enough. She has to have her own identity, and yet be
a friend, companion, partner and lover for her own man. So for today's contemporary Indian
in America, the challenge is to find a way to strike a balance between two cultures in a
world of change that won't slow down.