TREVOR
November 1, 1968 - September
10, 1989
Prostrate
With Grief
I thought
I had known grief before
But never
has it been so hard
To move a
limb or speak or to
Acknowledge
caring friends no matter
What they
say or do or how
They illustrate
their love.
I thought
that I had felt abandonment--
Until you
died. I realize now,
Though others
may have left me,
They had
never really gone so far.
I thought
that I had cried before,
But never
have my eyes brimmed o're with tears
Throughout
a day, a week, a month, beyond a year
Without a
conscious thought of you
Ever even
going through my mind.
The void
cries on its own.
Food has
never been so unappealing.
For what
is eating, after all but
Reaching
out to stay connected to the world.
Whereas I
only seem to want...I only want...
Why, short
of this moment here,
I really
don't want anything at all.
Never have
I been so lost for words
Nor motivated
less to speak,
For what
words could be said to bring you back?
Nor action
done? Not finding these,
My lips are
drawn and mute and sealed
Across a
helplessness so vast that only
Those who've
lost a loved one understand...
The futility
of words to bridge this gap.
Only time,
and nothing more, can heal this wound.
I've seen
my empty face
Worn by others
through the years,
And never
understood the reasons why
They couldn't
simply rise above their pain
And talk
and smile and join the fun,
And lend
a hand to others in need...
The way we've
done so many times before.
I hadn't
realized that grief
Could be
a way to stay in touch.
To be so
quiet and so still,
So scarcely
breathing air, that I can
Almost feel
our hands entwine...
Almost feel
your cheek brush mine...
Almost hear
your heartbeat's timing...
So, prostrate
with grief I lie,
Not to wilt
away or die,
And not for
sympathy,
But just
once more to let my heart enfold you,
Concentrate
my will and hold you
Just for
one more precious moment...
Almost at
my side.
By Michelle
Frye (1992)
Come see the Memorial Candle
lit in Trevor's Memory
