In today's world, this seems to be getting harder.
The children are open to so much influence, not all good,
outside the family. There's the media to contend with,
the friends they make, their school, teachers, books
they read, the Internet. The children of today seem
to know so much more than when we were children
and its quite frightening because most of us
are never completely prepared for parenthood.

People today are so well educated and trained in
whatever profession they pursue, however, none of us
go through a University for Parents to obtain a
degree in parenting! Somehow,the majority of us
stumble along trying to do our best and wondering
if what we did, right or wrong whatever the case,
will obtain the desired results from our children.

I tend to think that we would do well to take
the cue from our parents and grandparents. But as
someone told me, this is debatable too, what if the
grandfather was a jailbird and the grandmother was
an alcoholic and both were irresponsible.

Long ago there were less outside influences.
Television viewing is now a major activity for some
families and if the programs are not properly sieved
can be a bad influence on young impressionable minds.
Children tend to get caught up in whatever they watch
on the TV and if you talk to a child who's watching
a TV program he/she likes, you'll see why I'm wary
of the TV.

I usually stay in the same room with them
when they've got the TV on so that I can quickly
explain or counter act any bad influence. This applies
to the Internet as well, whenever Sara-Ann and Joshua
are on the net, I'm always on hand in case they come
across unsavoury sites. They do not have the access
code to the Internet and I find that's the safest
solution for the time being.

David and I make it a point of no television on
weekdays. If we do watch any, it would be a good
documentary or a human interest story. Fortunately
because we have never encouraged television viewing,
our two youngsters can do without it. Sara-Ann
hardly watches television, when she has time on
her hands, she would rather read, draw or be outdoors
playing. Joshua does like certain programs, but these
are restricted to an hour each on Saturday & Wednesday
mornings and an hour each day only during the
school holidays. He can be easily distracted from
the TV by a good book, a board game or a game of badminton.

The other big influence on the children are their friends.
School takes up so much time nowadays that they are
at home with parents less than time they spend with
their peers and teachers. David and I make it a point
to talk to Sara-Ann and Joshua about their school
activities and friends and whenever we get the chance,
invite their little friends home to play. For us
dinner time and the half hour before bedtime everyday
are the most important. That's our family time when we
find out what each has been up to during the day.

In spite of all the outside influences on young people,
I still feel parents play the main role as the good examples
to the children because they take their cue from us.
However, because we are all very fallible human beings,
we cannot always show them the perfect example. We can
and must try to do our best for the sake of our children.

When our kids were babies, toddlers and in pre school,
both were more attached to me. Now that they are growing,
they have very naturally gravitated toward their father
and go to him for advise and in Joshua’s case,
rough horsing and physical activities. From books,
I learnt that this is a natural process
as they look to their father as the person bridging
the gap between home and the outside world

Not too long ago, I was dumbfounded by something
Joshua said. I had been trying to get him to sing,
and I must admit now that I was pushing it a little
because he was in no mood to entertain. Anyway,
he made a few comments which I found inappropriate,
because its a 7 year old saying it to his mother.
He said "Mummy is always trying to make me do what she wants,
she’s always judging me, I don’t like being judged.
She’s like the government, everything has to be done her way."

Needless to say I was very upset, but after thinking about it,
David and I talked to him about the role of a government.
We told him that we are all responsible to someone,
that Mum and Dad have the government to answer to
if we do anything wrong and that as little children
since they are still under our care, parents are the
government. Also, above all this, we all have God
to answer to for all that we do. What we tried to instil
in him was that everyone had someone to answer to.

Because we are learning as we go along,
we have to observe other parents and their children.
At least that is what I do. I have friends who have
fantastic children and I have no end of questions for them.
I'm always eager to learn from others’ experience
although I know what works for some children won’t
for others. Unfortunately, I also have friends with
problematic children and questions for them too.
I remember what my Dad told me when I was growing up.
"Learn from the mistakes of others, you'll never live long
enough to make all of them yourself".

David and I are not great believers in physical punishment,
but it does not mean that its totally out of the question for us.
If the child commits a serious enough offence,
he/she would get a smack on the palm or the legs.
Fortunately, we have not had to resort to physical punishment
more than a couple of times and always with explanation
and the understanding that the offence committed was very serious.

We find physical punishment not the solution because
children forget very quickly and I find other ways
of disciplining more effective. Besides, by the time
they are about eight to nine years old, I would consider
physical punishment as the absolute last resort
At this age they are old enough to understand right from
wrong and what being deprived of outings, treats and their
little luxuries mean!