Remembering Mama
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(Following are excerpts from the Rank-in-File message board starting with mother's birthday on Nov. 15, 1998. We will continue to add on as more posts appear in order to put all of the "Mama" remembrances in one place for easy keeping. Enjoy.)
FROM JUDY I remember Mama loved old fashioned chocolates--the kind that looked like miniature mountains--which we only had at Christmas time. In our stockings of course with the uncracked nuts, apples and oranges. I got into a lot of trouble because I only liked certain fillings so took samples out of the bottom and only ate my favorites. Mama hated snakes and the only time I ever heard her scream was at the Taylor place when a snake somehow fell down from the ceiling on her head. I never heard Mama cry except when we lost our baby sister, Mary, and one time when Daddy criticized her tomato soup which curdled. I never heard Mama sing, though she loved music. Does anyone remember if she had any favorite songs? Mama loved flowers and _always_ grew beds of dahlias, asters, pansies, mums, daffodils...what else? Mama canned everything including meats and fish...because we didn't have freezing facilities. I remember her at the hot wood stove in the middle of hot summer when we kids took off for the swimming pool (wide spot in the creek or pond). These are only a few of my memories, but I'll add more as they occur to me. What do you remember about Mama? Post here or email me....I want to compile all your notes so please stretch your long ago recollections. Love,
I don't think mother liked those chocolates, she always told me to give them to Daddy, or maybe she was just trying to make everyone happy, like she always did. I know I hated them. We always got them in a box of candy @ church, the Sunday before Xmas. I don't recall mother singing, either, or listening to any music except religious -- George Beverley Shea, and Lily Pons. What I am about to say will be unpopular, but sometimes I see a tendency to idealize (maybe canonize) mother -- I loved her too, she was warm and loving , but she wan't perfect -- and to try to think she was gives us unrealistic/ unattainable expectations of what we can/should be. Don't forget she could be manipulative (re: driving), cared a great deal more about what outsiders thought than what her children needed @ times. OK -- start throwing your stones now, but give yourselves a break too. Of course she was much easier to love and to talk to than our father, but then who wouldn't be. Maybe because I only saw her as a child I don't appreciate things about her that you saw? I know she made wonderful cookies EVERY Saturday of my life. Homemade oatemal chocolate chip cookies are still my favorite, any very few commercial ones measure up. She loved baking cookies for Xmas -- pinwheels, tha plain cookie with the chocolate mint inside & the walnut half on top, the kind that come from the cookie press, and they all tasted good, too. I wish I had her recipes. she made a cookie called Java Crunch, coffee flavored dough with coconut & nuts I think.
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It is great to see the memories of
Grandma. My memory of her is that she was the epitome
of a Grandma. Especially the cookies!!! I missed her
alot when we moved to Nevada and She to Arizona but
felt she was having the time of her life riding
bicycles in Arizona. Then she had to go and die on
me!!
FROM JOYCE ~
Dear All,
I can't really add much about mama but I will as
things come to me, I always called her mama not mom
or mother, I can remember going to my bedroom (in Oak
Park) on Saturday afternoon and praying that she
would take me to YOUTH FOR CHRIST that night., When I
would ask her in am she would always say "we'll see".
I wonder if she was afraid to drive at night or as
she always lead me to believe it was the gas money. I
would have cheered if my kids asked me to take them
to church. Of course, my motivations weren't that
pure either, I wanted to see the piano player CLAYTON
(my heartthrob). I seem to have so many regrets, I
can't remember ever sending her a birthday card but
then I can never remember celebrating any of our
birthdays. I wish Marge were here to add her
thoughts. We (mom, Donna and those of us who were
home) loved to play Flinch and loved on Sundays mom's
glofiified rice. I think Norma has a better idea
of
the reality of our home than I do. Do you know
that
the Lily Pons music she loved on her records was (
were) gifts from brother Glen? Do you remember her
going to Ladies Aid? (whatever that was)? Do you
remember opening all our Christmas gifts before
Christmas and playing with them and then putting them
back so she would never know? We were all a little
weird or maybe it was just me.
JAN ~ I remember one
visit, I got to share the bed with Grandma, and I
felt so comforted. I remember her smile and the way
she laughed, and always wish I could have spent more
time with her, but I cherish the memories I have, and
thank you for bringing them back.
FROM JOHN
Thanks to each of you who has posted on this topic.
Today I started my now annual Christmas baking, in which I send to our 8 kids and their families some of mother's best baking .... yes, the date pinwheels (though I don't have her recipe, there is one in Better Homes & GArdens that comes almost close); chcolate chip oatmeal, and molasses cookies, PLUs -- the biggie -- the English steamed pudding with lemon sauce, which the kids tell me travels via UPS very well.
Also, mother had a way of waving whatever was in her hand when she wanted to emphasize a point -- for me, it was often a abutcher knife, which made me feel a bit threatened. Several years ago I wrote a poem bout it which I read at church on Mother's Day. If I ever come across it, I'll post it. The theme was a child's tendency to misinterpret a parent's gestures -- or words -- or actions.
I'm going to have to get my hi speed modem operating before I can gt all those pictures up, so I hope they'll be available for a while.
Audibly, I may have called her mother, but she was always mama in my head. Canonized? Norma has a valid point, but what else could you call someone who put up with all of US and all of DADDY???
I still marvel at her super efficiency in shuffling the Flinch cards -- I still can't do it, and envy her ability in that.
I don't have any memory of making any recordings she could have listened to, unless it was the brand new 'wire recording' device that either the Coonrods or the Bjur's had bought and a bunch of us gathered to sing and play at their house some time in the late 40's or early 50's. And I certainly never knew that mother played them.
I wouldn't for the world detract from Glen's well-deserved reputation for generosity, but it was I who bought the Lily Pons records from my newspaper route money.
One other memory, which I often tell, sometimes to my Pentecostal kids ..... Joyce had been out at the Orchards Campmeeting when the service became an emotionl meltdown --- people shouting, running up and down the aisles, singing their hearts out, and climaxing with a heartfelt rendition of "This Is Like Heaven To Me." Joyce devoutly reported that it really was like heaven must be. Mother had listened intently, and then very quietly but with great conviction replied, "Oh, good heavens, I HOPE NOT!" My only clue that she wasn't all that enthralled with some of the more spectacular aspects of the Nazarenes and their ilk.
That's all I can recall at the moment.
JUDY I remember when Mama flipped the Model-T
Ford on it's side turning too sharply into the lane
to what we called the "Butler Place." She calmly
lifted us kids out unscathed. I don't remember, but I
think Marge or Jim told me that she got the neighbor
to uplift the car so Daddy wouldn't know what
happened. I remember when I was in the hospital
she
sat at my bedside hand sewing clothes for my doll.
NORMA
Remember how mother would turn right about
20
times to avooid a left turn? She reallly loved those
Flinch games -- is that where Marge got her love of
gambling & cards? She had a collection of fancy
bone
china hand painted teacups & saucers -- how did that
get started. She really loved those. She loved
playing Johnny's records, I especially remember the
red one, I don't recall what was on it, but I
remember it was a bright translucent red. John
WAS
her favorite until I came along. The built in
china
cabinet in the Oak Park house was a rose color, but
the interior was a dark very intense rose-- that
seems so out of character for my conservative mother!
Was she afraid of the water? Mother did curse
me, she
told me someday I would have a daughter just like me.
Other frequent sayings: If you were really sorry you
wouldn't let it happen again.
And now I forgot the other one I was going to
enter. Her nickname for me was pest-a-lou.
JUDY
FROM REBECCA
Mom reminded me last night how gramma had taught me
to do all kinds of hand work, crochet, embroidery,
and of course how to make pot holders on a loom. Mom
probably still would have some of those pot holders!!
I always loved gramma's china but have a hard time
remembering whether it was the rose pattern or the
apple pattern? I loved to go to Gramma's house in
Camas the stucco house with the wonderful tile
bathroom. Gramma would let me take a long soak
anytime I wanted. She probably knew that I only took
a bath on the weekend and that I had to share the hot
water after someone else got out!! I also remember
her driving me to school once in a awhile in the
studebaker. I always had to sit in the back seat. (I
too hope these memories are being permanently
recorded somewhere) Gotta go for now. love rebecca
DONNA As I read through your
reminiscences I'm reminded of similar things: i.e.
baking. For several months she was making cinnamon
rolls each Saturday a.m. One time I said, "Is is
really o.k. if we eat all these right away?" She
said, "That's what they're for!" Also re baking:
when my birthday was approaching I could choose the
menu and the guests. Often I would choose the
minister and his wife as the guests (weird!) One time
I asked for rhubarb pie; mom made it in such a way
that it was the consistency of butterscotch
pudding--my mouth waters as I think of it. I've never
had rhubarb pie like that since. Anyway, I said
that I wanted that pie for my birthday dinner but I
wanted a whole pie just for me to eat, not to share.
Wouldn't you know it--she made two pies: one for me
and one for everyone to share. I ate the whole thing
too.
Remember all that work at the wringer washer. And
hanging clothes on clotheslines, not just for the
sunshine, but because that was the only way to get
them dry! I'll never forget the surprise when she,
not only told me about her violin, but showed it to
me. I wonder why she never continued. But no wonder
she encouraged any of us who wanted to play an
instrument. I suspect she was a natural musician.
Speaking of which--I remember very well that red
78 rpm of John. Norma, I'm sure it was Claire de
lune. Mother made Mrs. Webb listen to it one day...I
don't know how many others might have listened.
Remember all the help Mother gave to Mrs. Kirby:
giving her rides, taking her shopping, doing her
laundry. Finally Mrs. Kirby came to live in that
apartment in the basement of the Garfield house. I
wonder if she paid rent or lived there free.
Some of you may not know that the reason Mom
started doing a lot of babysitting when I was a
teenager and Norma was in school all day was to earn
money for nicer household things. With babysitting
money she bought all new fiberglass drapes, of which
she was extremely proud, a clothes dryer, and several
other things that Dad evidently didn't think were all
that necessary.
Joyce mentioned the Ladies'Aide. I remember being
so bored while those ladies worked on quilts, etc.
When I was a little older she became involved with
WCTU (Women's Christian Temperance Union). Since
then I've learned that the more active chapters of
WCTU actually went into bars and dragged men out of
there begging them to pledge never to drink again. Of
course, Mom would never have entered a bar. The WCTU
which she attended raised money for literature and
speakers to come to the church and talk about
temperance. Favorite song: George Beverly Shea
singing "How Great Thou Art" She told me one day that
she wanted that sung at her funeral. I made sure that
that did happen.
When we finally got TV, about 1950, she had to watch
Lawrence Welk every Saturday night. I told her I was
surprised that she enjoyed watching all that dancing.
She said that I shouldn't be surprised, because,
after all, she had been a very good dancer and so was
Daddy. Mmmmmmmmm Not only do I remember the old
78's of Lily Pons but I remember when we were getting
ready to move to Garfield Street and she told John,
Joyce and me that we could "break the records".
We thought that would be fun so went into the Oak
Park basement and broke many old 78's in half before
throwing them away. (Wonder if they'd be valuable
today). One year before Christmas she told Joyce
and myself to give her a list of things we'd like to
have for Christmas. She said she could spend no more
than $15 on each of us. I put several things on the
list--no one of which was over $15. But on Christmas
morning all of the things were there for me.
I said, "Mom, I thought you were only going to spend
$15." She said something like, "Well, I was, but who
knows what will happen before next Christmas and I
might not be able to give you anything next year. I
better do what I can while it's still possible."
Yes, I remember the black and orange high chair.
Norma, didn't you have to use that also or was it
passed on for Joan Rhode. Joan is only about 3 years
younger than I am and Norma is 7 years younger...I do
think Joan used it.
Maybe Marj had the sense to repaint it. Did you all
know that Mom taught spelling in an elementary school
but that she never graduated from high school? And
does anyone know why she didn't graduate? Did she
have to help out at home? When John, Joyce and
Norma and myself each became 16 Mom taught us to
drive--but only while Dad was at work on the swing
shift (4p.m. to midnight). Dad did not want to pay
extra to have a 16 year old insured so Mother had to
be sneaky about our use of the car. She did stick
her neck out a lot in order to make life a bit more
fun for us. When I was 12 Aunt Billie and Uncle
Leo came from Montana to visit at the beginning of
summer. Mom had arranged with them to invite me to go
back to Montana with them. The plan was for Aunt Ruth
and Uncle Roy Kitchell to bring me back to Camas when
they came to visit 2-3 months later. As it turned
out I became very homesick and Ruth and Roy visited
much earlier than originally planned. I never knew
that Mother had prearranged this whole thing with
Aunt Billie and Aunt Ruth ahead of time because she
was concerned that I was not aware of how the rest of
the world lived. (She was right about that!) Aunt
Ruth K. told me many, many years later. Dad never
knew that the invitation was at Mom's request.
Mom was not perfect, but I believe she worked very
hard at making our lives much less restrictive and
harsh than Dad would have. I wrote a story called
"Mama, I Have to Tell You Something" for a writing
class a few years ago. When Judy sets up a page for
these memories maybe I'll put that in there. But
that's enough for now. I'm sure I'll think of more
later. Mother never, ever spanked me. Dad did once.
Mother always tucked me in except when I told her
I was too old; and even then she often pretended that
she forgot that I'd said that. She wasn't able to
verbalize the three words I wanted to hear until she
wrote me letters while I was away at camp (Twin
Rocks) or at college. But I knew. One time I asked
her how she could have any love left for me after
already having six kids before me. She said that the
more love you gave away, the more you had. She said
it was just like the story of the loaves and fishes.
I'm getting all teary so must close. If you've read
all this I don't care, because it has been most
therapeutic for me.
FROM JIM
NORMA Your upcoming trip sounds GREAT!
I remember the violin when we lived in Oak Park I
can recall being sick one day and she let me play
with it! I had forgotton about the wringer washer, I
know she didn't get an automatic one until I was in
high school. I keep a special wooden spoon near my
washer to smush the closthes down into the water --
she had a stick worn smooth and tapered @ each end to
do the same thing in the ww. And I still hang my
clohtes outside. On rainy days (?in Camas?) she hung
them in the basement. Mrs Kirby lived in
the basement after Fred moved out. We moved on my
8th b'day , so that would have been 1952, so she
probably moved in while you were still @ home? She
paid $35/month and complained about my "heavy
walking" as long as she lived there. She smelled so
bad. I think she finally went to the nursing home.
I remember the orange chair being @ Oak Park, and
later @ the camp grounds.
I was a White Ribbon Baby -- that was a wctu
thing, dedicating a child to an alcohol free life --
I guess it didn't take. I have looked for my ribbon &
certificate & haven't found them yet. I can't
imagine mother & daddy dancing -- that's too much
like sex. When Daddy would work swing mother would
usually fix whatever I wanted for dinner -- pancakes,
corn fritters, rice & raisins -- and always
hamburgers on paydays. She was always exasperated
(there's a "mama" word) with Daddy's inability to eat
cooked onions in his hamburger, yet could eat them
w/meatloaf. She really was a terrible cook, but I
don't recall ever having anything better or different
@ my friends' homes. I didn't know until I was
married that there were other kinds of salad dressing
besides Miracle Whip. YUCK. And it wasn't until I
moved to CA, that I realized there was more than one
kind of lettuce, and that green salads could be made
from anything other than lettuce. OK enough for now.
I am saving the message board and will put it on
floppy later.
FROM JOYCE I
don't have the sweet memories that Donna has and
can't understand the why. I loved mother dearly and
am sure I idealized her, but as to any exact
incidents when I felt close or connected to her I
have none. I can never ever remember being kissed
or
told that I was loved by mom or dad. I yearned for
that. Nuff of that, lots of stuff here made me cry.
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