When Hospice called me and told me they had a little lady for me to visit, I immediately was the same insecure person I had been before my training, and it took me a couple of hours before I could actually pick up the phone and make the first call. Then when it came to making the first actual physical contact, I had to do some more real soul searching.

But ultimately, I made the first visit, and found a sweet little old lady, middle eighties, who had terminal cancer and had been ill for over a year. She had several daughters and a son who alternated weeks of living in her home and caring for her. She was confined to a wheel chair and pretty much dependent on others, and that was a huge concern for her. She had always been independent before her illness and didn't want to be a burden on her children. I just talked with her and tried to understand her concerns and fears and somehow was able to reach back into my own experiences to make her feel better about her own. Through the weeks, we would visit and just talk to each other, and often one of her daughters would be there with us. We would all just visit and often never mention the illness that was consuming everyone's lives at that point.

They all seemed to benefit from finding a new friend who wasn't afraid of their situation, and who was willing to just be there to listen and understand.

But I was the one who benefited the most. I found that by giving of myself to someone else, I was able to deal with my own grief better. And I found that thinking of someone else allowed me a whole lot less time to think about myself.

Have you ever met a person who looked just kind of ordinary until she smiled. That's the way this little lady was. She was a pretty little lady, and I say little because she weighed about 90 lbs., but when she smiled her whole face would light up and she was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. It was almost angelic. I just lived each visit for the moments when she would smile, and I would see that inner soul smiling at me. Each time it happened I felt blessed.

That little lady died this Christmas Day. And while I was tremendously saddened by her departure, I felt that she had actually been given a Christmas gift from God because she was ready to leave this world, and he understood that and finally granted her wish. I also felt that God had blessed me by allowing me to become a small part of her life, and I've gained some lovely memories from the times we shared together. Her smile will live on in my mind throughout my life, and I feel I have another angel in heaven on my side!