Our Story
"Ms. Fugate....we're sorry but Matthew did not make it." "We're sorry but your son is dead." "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, who is that screaming that way?" "Did that come from me?" "Oh God, Please, NOOOOOOOOOO, let me out of here, I have to run, I have to run, don't you see, let me out so I can run and catch up with Matthew." "He can't go, he is only 7 years old, just lost another tooth and he is going to play basketball....NOOOOOOOOOO, please God, WHY?!!!"
Matthew woke me up that morning asking me not to forget to fill out the form for him to play basketball at a local Church. I was going to do some housework and then go pick up Brian, my brother's oldest son to spend the weekend with Matthew. The two of them took turns on spending the night with each other. Matt so got tired of playing with his sisters. Or should I say they couldn't keep up with him! Being the only boy, Matthew didn't lack for any attention. His sisters, Jennifer and Amanda adored their little brother. Only 15 months difference in Matt and Amanda's ages, so they were like twins. If you saw one, you saw the other. Oh, they were like every other siblings, playing great one minute and fighting the next. But all 3 of them were close and for that I felt so blessed!
A few weeks earlier we had went to Cumberland Falls to a get together with some of my childhood friends and their kids. All of us went down to the water and was wading and playing. Matthew found a piece of plastic tubing and was playing with it. He would twirl it over his head and the wind passing through would make a whirring noise. It was about 3 feet long. In the basement there was a hook in the ceiling and Matthew asked me to tie one end of the tubing to the hook so he could then tie toys to the other end and swing them back and forth. I do this and then we find a plastic cup to put on the other end, this was easier to put the soldiers and other toys in and swing them. I have wished so many a time that I would have took it down before going upstairs to get busy on the housework. Matthew got bored easy and he didn't play long inside. He went outside and climbed the tree next to the house, rode his bike and aggravated his sister's some. Brain called a couple of times and each time Matthew would come upstairs and ask me again if we were going to pick up Brian. Lord, why didn't I just stop what I was doing and go? Jennifer and Amanda come upstairs and sit down on the couch. I ask them where was their brother and they tell me that he is watching a movie downstairs. While cleaning the house I would listen to the stereo. If Matthew tried to yell for me I don't know. This still bothers me, what if my son tried to call for me and I couldn't hear him because of the stereo? The telephone rings again and I didn't answer it. Matthew then comes upstairs and asks are we going to get Brian. I look up at him and smile and said "Yes, honey let me put this back and we'll go." No more than 15 minutes pass and I tell Jennifer to go and get her brother. She is watching the TV and doesn't hear me or just pretends she doesn't! You know how teenagers are. Before I can ask her again, I get this very strange feeling come over me. I really can't explain the feeling...in my mind I remember saying, "No, please don't".....I get up and head downstairs to check on Matthew myself. Even before I reach the bottom I know something isn't right! "OH MY GOD!!!!!" "Jennifer...Amanda, Matthew, NO!" Matthew is lying against the arm of the couch and the plastic tubing is wrapped around his neck!!! No, not tied but wrapped! I lift him up and pull the tubing from around his neck. Jennifer and Amanda are both screaming now, Amanda runs out of the house in search of help, Jennifer is dialing 911...I'm holding Matthew and screaming at the top of my lungs!! Jennifer then hands me the phone and I am telling the operator to send help, my son wasn't breathing and I needed help. She is telling me to do CPR and I'm in a fog...Jennifer having studied CPR just a couple of months before at school begins CPR on her brother. My 12 year old is more capable than me! What kind of Mother was I?! I remember running out of the house and screaming for the ambulance attendants to get to my son. There are policemen...one of them takes my arm and is leading me away...No, my son needs help, tell them to move!! Get Matthew to the hospital, why are they taking so long?!! They tell me that it only took 3 minutes to get Matthew to the hospital, but why did it take them over 20 minutes to leave my house!???? I play this over and over in my mind as well. Most of the next year isn't very clear to me. But that one day is still very vivid burned into my mind and no amount of time will ever erase it.
I have sit and wondered what happened, what was Matthew doing? Was he trying to untie the tubing and fall? Did he for some reason think that he could swing like his toys? Only God and Matthew knows the answer to that. I do know though that my son did not take his own life. I do know that Matthew did not feel any pain for Jesus took my Son's hand and lead him home! No man on this Earth can tell me differently. Yes, the Minister of the Church that I attended with my children assumed that my Son took his life and therefore told me that we could only pray that Matthew was in Heaven! I know that I have to forgive this man for this. I just know that I'm not as forgiving as Matthew was. Matthew would tell me "Mom, you are to love everyone, that even means this person that said those hurtful words to you." "Mom, listen to Jesus speak to your heart and KNOW that I am in Heaven with Him."
Matthew 19:14
"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
Matthew 18:3
And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
This picture of Matthew was taken on Easter Sunday, the last Easter we had together. He is blowing me a kiss here! Matthew was such a loving and caring little boy. He found good in everyone. Matthew is now experiencing a type of love that the rest of us can only dream of. Oh, don't take me wrong, I would much rather have Matthew here with me! See, I am a Mother and even though I know Jesus will take the best care of Matthew, I feel that no one can love him more than ME!
"Matthew, I long to hold you in my arms and feel your sweet kisses and hugs."
"Mom, just close your eyes and be real still. The breeze that blows across your cheek is my kisses, the warmth you feel in your heart, are my hugs!"
