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| I was born in Connecticut two months early one snowy evening on December 31 at 11:40pm to a Negro woman and a Native American man. I still don’t know much about the relationship, I do know that before I was sent home from the hospital, my father moved back to his home state leaving my mother and I behind. They were never married. I struggled for many years trying to find where I belonged, looking more Negro than Native made that decision for me. Although I spent many years trying to find out about my father's heritage, I was shot down being told that Indians were savage people... not a race to be proud of so I put all questions behind me. I don’t need to go into detail about my family because there really is nothing to share... I had no father, I loved my mother (we were very close) and I had two half brothers much older so to me, I was an only child. I was a very quiet and shy kind of child who was sad inside, but I loved sports and music and excelled in both. I was a Girl Scout, worked my way up to first soprano horn in a Drum & Bugle corps, played basketball, volleyball, softball, raced sailboats, was a springboard/high diver, played ice hockey and I was one of three 8th grade students from three junior highs picked to sing in the high school’s concert choir. Now the High School at that time was #1 in the state and everyone who sang or was a wannabe singer wanted into that choir! So from age 7 to age 16, I completely buried myself into everything I could possibly find to do. I didn’t want any spare time to think. I was still a very sad little girl. I did love going to church and I did enjoyed school (for the most part) I got into a few fights because I didn’t like getting picked on and I didn’t like others (the non-populars) getting picked on either. I was not what you would call one of the beautiful people. I was different. I was involved in drama at an early age in community productions as well as in school, I thought it would help with the shyness, I also became interested in art. My plate was always full! I was an honor student from junior high up through high school and became the leader of my youth group around the age of 13. We had a music ministry that I directed and taught a bible study during our Sunday evening services as well as preached every year on Children’s Sunday for 4years. I knew I had a calling upon my life by the age of 16, but got scared so I ran. I ran into the arms of an organization called Eckankar. It’s a combination of Mid-Eastern & new age. In my senior year I was excepted into The Neighborhood Playhouse School of the Theatre, Julliard, and Yale University; after months of some thought I decided on Yale. I wanted to stay close to home and Yale had a fantastic undergrad and grad drama & music Department. My first year was a great challenge for me, I made deans list, sang in the choir (was the only freshmen) was in all of the Yale Dramat’s productions, made lots of friends and I partied with them. Yes I was still shy and unhappy... go figure. My next two years became difficult because being on my own gave me way too much freedom. I began to party harder... Drinking and doing drugs. Not because of peer pressure, it was because I wanted to, I liked it. I did it for my pleasure. I did a lot of things for which I’m not proud of... things that will remain between the Lord and mysef, but my drinking and drugging placed me in a few situations where I was way over my head. If I could drink it, pop it, or smoke it... I was in, but I lost all perception and reason because I was raped twice in one year, became very angry at life and I became sexually active. I was going into my last year of College when I decided to take a year off... (Truth is, I was on the borderline for dismissal) that was a big mistake because that’s when I lost my way completely. I really got involved in Eckankar and spent a lot of time studying and going to meetings and such. I never REALLY turned my back on the Lord... just put Him on hold. Now Who was I trying to convince? Time passed, I met a man and we moved in together and trouble came right along with him. That’s when the Lord began tugging at my heart and He got to me BEFORE I hit my bottom, I met someone from AA. I started going to meetings and it turned my eyes back to Jesus. By that time that man and I were married for a month and a half and found out a baby girl was on the way! Stuff began to happen and I stopped going to meetings and started going to church, even though my sponsor swore to me that I would drink and drug again because church, God and a family was not enough to keep me sober. Well it’s been 22 years and 1 month since that day and I’m still married to that same guy today. That was when I started my journey, getting right with God and got involved once again in the music ministry. “But the hour is coming and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him” --John 4:23 [NKJV] I lead worship at several churches; sang on worship teams, played the drums, guitar and I finally understood why I was so different... I was a Worshipper! Oh yeah difficulties still came though, but I started to allow the Lord to change me.... I learned that if I trusted in Him, He would make my path straight... I am not a very patient person though. My marriage has had its ups and downs, we had another baby girl, we separated several times, I was diagnosed with polio, and I lost a baby boy during my seventh month of pregnancy... He would be about 9 years old now, my oldest daughter became and still is a real source of concern and my mother whom was my joy left this world to be with the Lord 7 years ago and I’m still not over it. She left way before I could prepare. I guess that’s the reason why my worship is so intense... I’ve been on the other side of it all and I am so very grateful to be alive! Some years ago I met a Christian Native saint and POW! He spoke to me about God loving who we were because He made us. It made a great impact on me over the years. My heart’s desire is spreading the gospel of love, tolerance, and reconciliation. I’d love to educate others about the rich Native culture that God has created. I am so thankful to the Lord for showing me how to embrace being the "Best of Both Worlds. Yes I am a “still very shy” Black/Native American woman who is truly happy and grateful to be alive! " And the Lord said to Abram, Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to a land I will show you." -- Genesis 12:1 More than four years ago the Lord said to me, “Janis-Marie, I want you to move from Connecticut to Arkansas and prepare for your ministry.” Prepare for what ministry... I was already involved in a ministry. I went through the same emotions Abram went through... doubt, fear, and excitement. Abram and I received the same reactions from those very close to us. Surprise, doubt, fear, and anxiousness. "You're sending me where Lord?" "Are you sure?" I did hear from many sources and read of a word spoken that the Lord was going to bring a great revival to Arkansas, specifically Northwest Arkansas. I spent four months praying and coming up with the same thing every time... "Northwest Arkansas." I gave up and told my Husband and after praying, we both told the girls... "The Lord wants us to move to Arkansas!" To make a very long story short, I'll tell you that we've been blessed in many areas as well as disappointments have come our way, but the Lord is doing all He said He would do as long as we stay obedient to Him. We said, Yes Lord!" As time goes on I've come to understand how obedience plays a large part in our lives as servants of the Lord. Jesus told a parable about a man who had two sons. He went to the first son and said, "go and tend the vineyard." The first son answered his father, "Yes sir; I will go and tend the vineyard as you wish!" But he walked away never intending to obey his father's wishes. The man went to his second son and said, "go and tend the vineyard." The second son replied to his father, No sir, I will not go and tend the vineyard, I'm too busy!" But as time passed the second son began to think about what his father had asked him to do. He changed his mind and tended the vineyard in obedience to his father. Which are we? The son that says, "Yes Lord!" with our lips, yet in our hearts we are far from doing His will? Or are we the second son who says, "No Lord!" with our lips, yet allows His Spirit to tug at our hearts. Why can't we just submit to the Lord from the very start without all the fuss? We know what the Lord desires from us... Let's just say, "Yes Lord I will." |
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| My Testimony |
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