But first, you must know how to catch a troll! It isn't easy. You must be subtle, as trolls are sneaky! You can locate them by their smell. They are usually quite stinky, as they spend most of their lives sitting around on their worthless, lazy behinds, doing what they do best-nothing (unless you want to count the few calories they expend by tapping out reams and reams of worthless drivel). Don't let this deter you from catching a troll! The smell can be overcome with a big can of Lysol, and a clothespin. And tends to abate somewhat, once you've successfully killed them off.
The best method for killing a troll is to ignore them. They, unlike a normal creature, need only a few basic things to survive. Some kind of sustenance, such as Moon Pies, or Cheetos, that they can consume without leaving the safety of being eternally crouched over a keyboard, a little radiation from the glow of a monitor, (which gives them a sickly, pasty-faced countenance) and copious amounts of attention. They thrive on any kind of recognition, be it angry, hateful, threatening, or just plain old disgust. So once you have cornered your troll, usually in some obscure topic they know absolutely nothing about, all you have to do is ignore them, and they wither and die like an unwatered weed.
The troll will normally struggle with this for a bit. Often the death-throes are seizure-like tantrums, and trolls can often resort to being more vile and disgusting, in their last moments of self-perceived glory, as they realized they must succumb to defeat.
Once the troll has been overcome-
To gut a troll- very simple! Most are rather gutless. They have no heart, so don't bother looking for one. The same goes for a brain. If you do happen to find one, it won't be big enough to be worth the bother of looking for it, as can be evidenced by observing a troll in action. Most other organs, like their kidneys, are quite overdeveloped, as they hold their natural urge to void in other to type just a few more posts before they can pry their gnarled fingers from their crusty keyboards. Their lungs are also disproportionately huge, as most are really big windbags. This makes cleaning them rather easy, however- just be forewarned that most are so very full of sh... errr.... feces that you will have only about one forth of what you started with, by they time you get them cleaned. On to cooking the paltry pile you have left. (I know it resembles dung, in both texture and smell, but remember, there are beetles who exist solely on dung, and it is really quite healthy!) You can try to flame them, though even after being gutted and cleaned, most react violently to flames, and can actually ignite, burning the user, as well as self-disintegrating into a worthless ash pile, much like the butt of an unattended cigarette.
I recommend steeping them in a strong solution of lye, to boil out the evil bitterness, and after rinsing with copious amounts of fresh water, gently sauteing them in a rich buttery sauce, and serving with a side of boiled cabbage.
Offer it first to your dog. If he won't eat it, then perhaps the troll was not fresh enough, or was exceptionally stinky. After all, think of all the other things dogs eat, like vomit, and kitty 'presents'.... if the dog won't eat this, it probably won't suit you to either! ;)
(Disclaimer-this is intended purely as a joke, and no real trolls were harmed in the creation of this article (well, unless you want to count a few wearing their more feminine feelings on their silk nightshirt sleeves.... ;)
D.