April 16, 1979
Today I found out that I'm pregnant! Seems like an auspicious enough occasion to start a journal. Called Wayne first thing - he wasn't too surprised - mostly because we had suspected all week. But still when Mary Jean actually said "Congratulations!" I went a little numb. There is something very awesome about BABY. Mom's reaction was very typical - one thing about my family, they're wonderful to share good news with. " Rejoice with those who rejoice...etc.etc." Now I'll have to call GramBam and the nuns.
May 4, 1979
Talked to Mom today and we decided that making all kinds of notations in a book like this was a good idea. Kind of preserving history! Someday my grandchildren will look at this and marvel that we actually could buy gasoline (at .90 a gallon - but at least we would get some!) Our house payment has been $332. per month (pre Prop 13 it was $391.) With this new house - 810 West G Street the payment will be around $550. It's amazing what you can manage when you have no choice. Although buying a new house was our choice (and a good one I think!) The house is larger by several hundred square feet and an older home. We fell in love with it first time we stepped inside. More baby news later.
May 16, 1979
Well, usually no news is good news but this time it doesn't sound terrific. I'm really afraid that this baby isn't going to make it either. Losing one was hard. And this one is not progressing as it should. I started bleeding heavily yesterday and today I feel bloated and very edgy. Just like last time. Is this the beginning of the end? I don't think I could go through all that again and yet I know in the last analysis I'd cope. We're all busy waiting and praying.
May 17, 1979
Well it looks as though I called the shots right yesterday. We ended the day in the Emergency Room at San Antonio. And I was home by nine but not pregnant anymore. Dr. Bhatt says it was "blighted ovum" bad egg. The half that was supposed to make a baby didn't. Anyway, as predicted, I'm coping.
February 17, 1980
A lot can happen between entries. A lot has happened! The end of May we moved to an older house in northeast Ontario. 810 West G Street It's been a happy house. We did very little to the outside and a lot to the inside. And last week we sold it! After 9 months we've finally managed a way to move back to Sacramento. By April we'll be back home. I can hardly wait. In September I had another miscarriage. Only this one was totally unexpected. I didn't know I was pregnant. Just bad back pains very early Saturday morning, which made both of us suspect that I was miscarrying. The doctor in the Emergency Room didn't believe me until the test came back positive. Then they admitted me for a D and C (as it's been called a Dust and Clean.) My problem - according to the very high priced specialist will require surgery to fix. The uterus is shaped funny. It would mean major surgery and every baby hence would be a C-section. Can't anything be simple? I have friends who deliberately aborted their babies and I can't have one without surgery and a wait of another year to mend before we'd dare to try again. This entry is rather depressing. On to more cheerful things. If you can consider getting the axe at work cheerful. January 11 I got canned. Nearly three years - politics - Doug wanted his own people working for him. Understandable I suppose, he's insecure and I threatened his macho image of SuperBoss. It really bothered him that I knew the setup better than he did. The guys in the shop came to me when they had problems. Oh well, the timing was right. With this move the free time is coming in handy - And my fingernails are growing. I'll try to keep this up. I know how much I appreciated what little Mom managed to record in her green book. Scanty true and it stopped altogether after Ruthy was born.. can't imagine why...4 kids!!!
February 26, 1980
Moving day is approaching rapidly. I'm really getting depressed thinking about leaving Liz , Phil and the girls. I'll really miss having Liz to talk to. She's been such a good friend - same background - very compatible. We're on the same wavelength. They asked us to be the kids' guardians. Naturally we agreed. Those kids are such a joy. We spent last Saturday with them at Disneyland. My fingernails are growing, I'm on a diet (again?...still?!) Dentist appointment tomorrow morning 8AM Aaaaauuuuggghhh! She's lined me up with some nitrous oxide (laughing gas) I HATE the dentist.
March 4,1980
Well, I survived the dentist with only one tiny cavity. Wonders never cease. Liz and Phil invited us over last night for Uno and Dictionary (and popcorn) Phil's definition of quahog (Wayne's word) was "Liz's condition when she's with child for the fourth time." I am happy because they are happy but it's so very depressing. One comment Phil made - I'm sure he didn't mean it to sting but it did - in retrospect."Two kinds of people in the world...those with things and those with kids and never the twain shall meet." I'd give up everything we have for a Judith, Anna or Rebecca. And to make matters worse it occurred to me that our baby would have had his first birthday right around now. I lost him in August at three months. Would have been due the end of February. Liz is due November/December. Not sure yet. Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Rats.
May 4, 1980
Just returned from the Parish picnic. Firmly entrenched in Carmichael and family life. Adjustments - oh yes! Doctor's appointment tomorrow. There's a good possibility that I'm quahog. Again. Please God don't let anything go wrong this time. I'm tired. Business is SCARY! There are advantages to being your own boss but the disadvantages are just as glaring. Like no regular pay checks and no one to say "Go home, quitting time."
Miscarriage dates: August 24, 1978 @ 3 months May 16, 1979 @ 1 1 /2 months September 19, 1979 @ 2 months
May 5, 1980
Sitting in a doctor's office is a nerve wracking experience. There are very pregnant women all around me and here I sit. The nurse felt it still might be a bit early to tell. But I'm still keeping my fingers crossed. This doctor seems okay so far. At least he allows children in his office. Bhatt didn't. Must write Liz today. I think I miss her and all the other McKindleys more than anything else in Southern California. Mike is heading there for school. I asked the nurse when I called to check this guy out if he wasn't Catholic was he at least Christian. I didn't want another Dr. McCleary with his automatic D and C. Anyway, she told me the Dr. Kamras was Jewish, but very sympathetic to a Christian outlook on birth and life. This is taking so dang long!
July 31, 1980
The wait was worth it! They confirmed the pregnancy the day after Mother's Day. I'm in my 17th week right now. How very exciting! Wayne keeps eyeing the expanding gut. My blood pressure in May was 136/85 it's now 120/65, a good sign for sure. My weight dropped originally about 5 lbs. and is holding steady . Apparently pregnancy agrees with me. Kamras and Polansky are a team, they alternate so that when the time comes both are familiar with the mother and vice versa. They're taking NO chances , I go in every two weeks for an internal exam. Getting very casual about that. by necessity. In another three weeks I should feel movement. So far, so good, please God. No bleeding, spotting, cramping, morning sickness, nothing. The heartbeat last appointment was a strong, healthy 140/min. Was a baby ever more anticipated? Of course - but it doesn't seem possible. I'm being very careful. Here's to a healthy happy baby sometime in late December or early January. :)
November 17, 1980
I'm so ashamed! The gaps in this so called Daily Journal are atrocious! We moved back to So. California around the end of September. Mid-pregnancy. Luckily Dr. Bhatt was happy to take me back as a patient. While I think I prefer Polansky I'm very comfortable with Dr. Bhatt. He's got quite a stake in me by now. After three miscarriages he's looking forward to a good healthy baby almost (ALMOST) as much as we are. The nursery is all set up. I have a few more things to pick up - additional diapers, t-shirts, stretchy suits and bottles - STUFF. Last Tuesday Jan, Liz, and Wayne got together and threw a surprise baby shower for me. Got some people from Church, some (actually most of the girls were from Hooker) from work, Earlene and Donna together for lunch at Alphy's I never expected anything like that.
November 30, 1980
Just for the record...this has been a very active baby. Transverse right now which could mean a C-Section but I'm not worried. This baby was a "medical impossibility" according to Dr. Israel - the specialist we consulted re: the miscarriages. This baby is more of a miracle than most already. He'll(she'll) turn when ready. But my ribs are sore from kicking. Indigestion and heartburn have been horrible and I'm not sleeping very well. I've only gained 17 lbs. I'm "allowed" 25-30 so I'm doing great. Should make it easy to lose - they say you burn 1000 calories a day breastfeeding. And since I've been leaking for months that shouldn't be a problem! According to my due date - Jan 6 - I've only got another 5 weeks. I don't feel ready at all, physically, emotionally, mentally. But time has a way of passing very fast, more at this time of year (Christmas/Thanksgiving) than any other so I guess when baby's ready - I will be ready too!
December 22,1980
I AM READY!! Now it's just a matter of waiting for baby. My legs and feet are really swelling badly. Dr. says lots of protein, lay on left side 2 hrs at a time, reduce salt (no canned goods or packaged meats) but it doesn't seem to help all that much. Appt last Thursday - weight 184# down 1 lb. b/p 138/80 up from 122/70 But I had leapt out of bed 20 minutes earlier and that could account for it. I have an appt. this afternoon, we'll see what it is then. I got a Christmas present from Dave Spangler and Gary Hooker. They fired Doug last week. "Misappropriation of company funds" and "breaking and entering" He's lucky they're not going to press charges. He broke into the executive offices; cleaned out the liquor cabinet and used the weight room and sauna. As Wayne says, "Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy!"
