"Take heart! I have overcome the
world."
"Take heart! I have overcome the
world."
This website is devoted to those who are in an
alternate lifestyle, and know they are in trouble.
If you are feeling trapped, or if you feel like you
are spinning out of control, please take a minute and
email me. I
don't have all the answers, but I will
be happy to share what I have learned.
SPECIAL NOTE the author of this website
abhors violence of every kind, perpetrated against
anyone, no matter who or what they might be. Jesus
commanded us to love one another, and it is for this
reason I speak out.
MY STORY
I have come out
of lesbianism, so that's what I know about most.
However, I think alternate lifestyles all have a
lot in common: we feel as though God might have
made a mistake. We feel like we really don't
belong anywhere. No matter where we are, we don't
fit in.
I don't think I was born a lesbian, but I DO think I
was
influenced by things over which I had no control. I
know
that everyone who was responsible for
my well-being as a child did the best they could with
the best intentions at heart. It would be wrong for
me to
be unforgiving toward someone, when God has forgiven
me for
all of the times when I have missed the mark. When
I
first felt attraction for other
women, I was too young to even KNOW what I was
feeling. I
remember having strong feelings for a teacher I had
who took the time to talk with me and praise me when
I did well on an assignment. I was also attracted to
a missionary who was so in love with Jesus, that she
kind of exuded love on everyone around. I didn't act
on those attractions-I just had no idea what I was
feeling. As I got older, I felt attracted to my
close friends. By then I knew this was not
considered
acceptable, and
I was careful to keep it to myself. Then a new
girl moved into town. She was pretty and outgoing,
and I was delighted that she picked me for a friend.
We
would spend whole nights talking and laughing, and
soon we were spending whole nights hugging and
kissing. When that girl moved away, my whole world
ended! I was still dating boys, and not facing the
fact that I was a lesbian. I wanted with all my heart
to be like everyone else. I wanted to fall in love
with a man and get married and have babies-all the
romantic stuff girls think about! After having my
heart broken twice by boys who were not ready to make
a commitment, I married the first one who
was. After only a few short months,
I moved back home with my family, three months
pregnant.
When my beautiful son was
born, and I grew tired of being with my parents, we
moved
to an apartment and I went to beauty
school. I dated during that time, but met no one
looking
for more than just sex. I graduated from the school
and
moved to another town to begin working in a good
salon. I had a good following, and soon started my
own shop. While all this was going on I was having
an affair with a married man who finally went back to
his wife. I was heart-broken again. I had reached
my
lowest low, and I
cried out to God for help. God, of course, was there
waiting to forgive me, and to help me back to my
feet. This was the first time that I really
understood
what Jesus did on the cross, and how much God loved
me! It changed my life forever! For a long time
everything went great-I studied my Bible and spent
time in prayer. I joined an on-fire church, and
worked very hard helping to spread the Good News.
Then I
met a young woman
who was a dynamic Christian. We became good friends.
We started out sharing Jesus, and ended up sharing a
bed. Soon I met a nice Christian man, and he
wanted
to marry me. It was an offer I couldn't refuse, but
not because I was in love with him. I was just tired
of the struggle of being a single mom. Looking back
now, I can't believe I would do such a thing! I
remember
wondering why the power of God had
gone out of my life! I really was blind at the
time.
For a few years we were
happy. I had another beautiful baby boy, and we
tried to make God the head of our home. God very
nearly made a good thing of our marriage, but I had
another
lesbian affair. The marriage went downhill after
that, and eventually I gave up, thinking to myself,
"there really isn't anything to that Christian
stuff." The Bible explains how one can
become blind, and unaware of the desperate need in
one's
life: It
is all
clear to me now, but it took MANY years to see the
light. I believe that
even though I tried to ignore God, God continued to
call me back. I had a series of other lesbian
relationships. I tried to make each one of them
last, but I always felt restless and empty. I would
then blame it on my lover and move on to someone
else. I think God finally had enough, and
allowed something very devastating to happen. I had
to cry out for help, or I would not have survived.
God was waiting for that, and almost immediately
showed me what to do: Share very honestly with
my lover that I had re-committed my life to God, and
that our relationship had to end. I
was afraid to do that at first. What would this do
to my lover? How would she get along on her own?
How would I? How could a good Christian just LEAVE
like this? It took some time, but I finally
understood: I
could trust God. God was in control. I broke free
from
my lesbian lifestyle at that point. God has
given me the strength to overcome my temptations, and
is showing me new things about myself all the
time! Now my worst struggle is with loneliness. I
don't go around telling everyone my story, because
many are not open to it. So I am still on the
outside, looking in. The only difference is, I know
I am just a pilgrim here-only passing through! I
have also learned to tap into God's precious strength
and feel God's constant presence. When I do that, I
am
able to get through the rough times! My search for
God has caused many of those I love a lot of pain. I
hope that by sharing this, I can spare someone else
the
pain we have suffered. God Bless!
"You say I am rich ; I have
acquired wealth and do not need a thing. But you do
not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor,
blind and naked." (Revelation
3:17)
Isn't it strange that princes and kings
To each is given a book of rules,
author unknown
© 1999 naomi7@altavista.com
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A BAD START
ALL THE LIES
SCRIPTURES
STRONGHOLD
PERSONAL
IS
GOOD!
FOR YOU
IN THE
DESERT
It is when you give of yourself
that you truly give."
Kahlil Gibran
MY HEART
IS THERE
BOXES
and clowns that caper in sawdust rings,
and common folks like you and me
all are builders for eternity?
a block of stone and a bag of tools;
and each must shape 'ere time has flown
a stumbling block or a stepping stone."
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