Well everything was
fine for awhile.It was just my mother,my sister, and myself.
We were a happy family.At the age of 11, my dad permanently
left my life.I miss him a lot.I became very depressed
and tried several times to kill myself.Then a dear friend
introduced me to Jesus.He came into my life and I felt
better because I didn't have to deal with things all
by myself.A burden had been lifted from my shoulders.
My
mother had a boyfriend who sexually abused me when she wasn't
there.I came to believe that I was dirty.Later that year
my mom married a man she'd been dating for about a year.I
didn't like him because I blamed him for my father leaving
me.I was wrong.It's sad, but it's true.
Well my stepdad treated me ok for a few years.He
tried to prove to my mom that he was a nice guy.He wasn't.
He also began to sexually abuse me,but he just touched me
and kissed.I had a boyfriend who raped me.I was horrified.How
could he do that to me?I thought he loved me .I
eventually found the courage to tell my mother what was
going on.I had been sexually abused for about 3 years.It
hurt me a lot.Well I am 20 years old now, and am still
dealing with the effects of being abused.My mother let me
move to Texas for 10 months, so that I could begin to heal.
I love her for that.
Consequently, I began to not eat anything
at all because I hated myself.When my mom realized that I
wasn't eating, I began to eat, but I threw up what I ate.I
realize now that I had a very distorted idea of what a
healthy coping mechanism was.I now write poems and short
stories as a way of coping.I have since gone to a doctor
and am still getting healing.When I didn't eat I really hurt
my body and I will suffer consequences for the rest of my life.
I have to tell you, it wasn't worth it.I had fallen away
from God during my teen years because of what happened to
me.
Now I have rededicated my life to Jesus and He is
walking alongside me in the difficult healing process.I love Him
more than anything and if it wasn't for Him I wouldn't be
alive now.My life hasn't been all sorrow.Because of my
experiences, I have been able to lead several people to
Jesus.I am a walking testimony to God's goodness.He has
healed me of some of the side effects of my eating disorders.
I can still have children.For that I am very
grateful.I am also very grateful that God let me go
through all of the stuff I went through.Jesus died for me and
I am priviledged to share in His pain.I hope to tell everyone
of God's goodness someday.He is awesome and has done a
wonderful work in my life.He has even changed my family.
I live in North Carolina now in my own house.
God has done great things!!
I can honestly say that I love my step-dad and I forgive
him.He is precious in God's sight too.One more thing, I
love myself now :) I see myself as God sees me.Thanks for
listening to my story...well it's really God's story.
AMEN!!
Well everything was
