I decided that I would eat less and less.I realize now that
this was partly b/c I wanted someone to notice and care, partly
because I needed to control something.

I dipped down to my lowest weight when I was 17 years old.
I was six feet tall and weighed a mere 92 pounds.I was in
serious danger of dying.I realized at this point that I needed
to get help.I reached out to a friend at school.

I am now
up to 120 pounds and I sometimes still think that I am fat.I
will begin to stop eating, and occasionally have to be put back
into the hospital.

I do realize that I need to learn other coping
mechanisms.Anorexia is the coping mechanism that I fall back on
when things get rough.I am trying to change that.I am writing
poetry as a way of coping now and I am slowly seeing myself as
the beautiful woman God made me to be.I hope that you will never
suffer as I did.If you are please email me.I would be more than
happy to talk with you and help you live through this
awful disease.

Anorexia is a disease.It is a shattered self-image and it is
not your fault.

The Broken Mirror

Looking in my own mirror,
Pain, hurt, and mistrust lie beneath my disguise.
Only I can see the myriad of feelings,
Laying hidden beneath my eyes.

Looking even further,
I stumble upon innocence and truth
Long ago stripped away,
before I was even a youth.

Talking to a friend today
I let her see beneath my eyes
She shared my pain and hurt,
I turned away to cry, closing myself off again.

I was awed and amazed,
that she listened to me and didn't run away.
As I turned away tears filled my eyes,
instead of tears of sadness they were tears of relief.

I went home thankful and relieved
feeling a little better
I get ready for bed,
and stand before the mirror.

I hit the mirror,
making it crack..
and I walk away
My image intact!

by Sabrina

©2000
not for public use