YOU MAY BE A REDNECK IF ..... You've ever shot anyone for just looking at you. Any of your children were concieved in a car wash. ************ You own a home that is mobile and five cars that aren't. ************ Your wife has ever said,"Come on over and move this transmission so I can take a bath." ************ You think the last four words of the National Anthem are,"Gentlemen, start your engines !" ************ You refer to your wife and mother-in-law as "dual air bags." ************ There is more oil in your baseball cap then in your car. ************ You have lots of hub caps on your house but none on your car. ************ You paint your car with house paint. ************ Your hood ornament used to be your bowling trophy. ************ You own half of a pick up truck. ************ Your car burns more oil than gas. ************ Your car breaks down by the side of the road and you don't go back for it. ************ The trunk of your car is tied down,and you're not hauling anything. ************ Your muffler is held on by a coat hanger. ************ Your car has never held a full tank of gas. ************ You know how many bales of hay your car can haul. ************ You have a rag for a gas cap. ************ Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does. ************ There's a motor hanging from your tree in your yard. ************ You use a fishing liscense as a form of ID. ************ You take a fishing pole into sea world. ************ There are more fish on your walls than pictures. ************ You've ever eaten out of a minnow bucket. ************ Your wife would rather fish off a bridge than shop for clothes. ************ Your wife has a set of earrings you use as fishing lures. ************ Your chili's secret ingredient comes from the bait shop. ************ You have ever been too drunk to fish. ************ There are more than 10 pending lawsuits against your dog. ************ You think Ole yeller is a movie about your brothers' tooth. ************ You are allowed to bring your dog to work. ************ The dog can't watch you eat without gagging. ************ Your dog has a litter of puppies on the living room floor,and nobody notices. ************ Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain. ************ Your veternarian is also a taxidermist. ************ Your dog passes gas and you claim it.(barking spiders) ************ The dog catcher calls for a back up when visiting your house. ************ You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree at the same corner. ************ say.....I aint no redneck....fer sure...even You may be a redneck if : Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. ************ You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture. ************ The most common phrase heard in your house is "somebody go jiggle the handle!" ************ You go to a party and the punch bowl flushes. ************ You think the Super bowl is a top of the line bathroom fixture. ************ You've ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside. ************ You have to wash your hands before going to the bathroom. ************ Aww honey that dern dog don't need a water dish...... You know you are a redneck if : Your 4th of July was ruined,because daddy got drunk and burnt the spam. ************ You've ever lost a tooth opening a bottle of beer. ************ You consider a six pack of beer and a bug zapper quality entertainment. ************ You can drink beer through your nose. ************ Uh Oh someone stole my pink flamingos......
Any of your children were concieved in a car wash.
************ You own a home that is mobile and five cars that aren't.
************ Your wife has ever said,"Come on over and move this transmission so I can take a bath."
************ You think the last four words of the National Anthem are,"Gentlemen, start your engines !"
************ You refer to your wife and mother-in-law as "dual air bags."
************
There is more oil in your baseball cap then in your car.
You have lots of hub caps on your house but none on your car.
You paint your car with house paint.
Your hood ornament used to be your bowling trophy.
You own half of a pick up truck.
Your car burns more oil than gas.
Your car breaks down by the side of the road and you don't go back for it.
The trunk of your car is tied down,and you're not hauling anything.
Your muffler is held on by a coat hanger.
Your car has never held a full tank of gas.
You know how many bales of hay your car can haul.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
There's a motor hanging from your tree in your yard.
************ You use a fishing liscense as a form of ID.
You take a fishing pole into sea world.
There are more fish on your walls than pictures.
You've ever eaten out of a minnow bucket.
************ Your wife would rather fish off a bridge than shop for clothes.
************ Your wife has a set of earrings you use as fishing lures.
Your chili's secret ingredient comes from the bait shop.
You have ever been too drunk to fish.
There are more than 10 pending lawsuits against your dog.
You think Ole yeller is a movie about your brothers' tooth.
You are allowed to bring your dog to work.
The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
Your dog has a litter of puppies on the living room floor,and nobody notices.
Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
************ Your veternarian is also a taxidermist.
************ Your dog passes gas and you claim it.(barking spiders)
************ The dog catcher calls for a back up when visiting your house.
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree at the same corner.
************ say.....I aint no redneck....fer sure...even
You may be a redneck if :
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
The most common phrase heard in your house is "somebody go jiggle the handle!"
You go to a party and the punch bowl flushes.
You think the Super bowl is a top of the line bathroom fixture.
You've ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside.
************ You have to wash your hands before going to the bathroom.
************ Aww honey that dern dog don't need a water dish......
You know you are a redneck if :
Your 4th of July was ruined,because daddy got drunk and burnt the spam.
************ You've ever lost a tooth opening a bottle of beer.
************ You consider a six pack of beer and a bug zapper quality entertainment.
You can drink beer through your nose.
Uh Oh someone stole my pink flamingos......
you know you're not a kid anymore when...............
you can live without sex,but not your glasses. *** you quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room. *** you are proud of your lawnmower. *** you enjoy hearing about other peoples operations. *** you consider coffee one of the most important things in life. *** you no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. *** you have a dream about prunes. *** the end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants. *** you wear black socks with sandals.
*** you can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television. *** you name your hot water bottle *** your ears are hairier than your head. *** you talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someones lawn. *** you hope it doesn't snow *** you can go bowling without drinking *** you have a party and the neighbors don't realize it. *** all the pictures on your wall are framed. *** someone sees you naked and screams. *** hee hee hee
many thanks to that wonderful man jeff foxworthy.. if you wish to hear more buy his book,buy his tapes,you'll be glad you did......hehehe sorta like self discovery..
Keep Smiling...
you
know you're not a kid anymore when...............
