A policeman, patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot, sees a couple inside with the dome light on. There is a young man in the driver's seat reading a magazine, and a young lady in the back seat knitting.
Stopping to investigate, he walks up to the driver's window and knocks. The young man looks up, cranks the window down, and says, "Yes, Officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asks.
"Well, sir, I'm reading, and my girlfriend is knitting a sweater."
"How old are you, son?" the officer asks.
"I'm twenty," the boy replies, looking at his watch.
"And in about twelve minutes, she'll be eighteen."
A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc... After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant and calls a vet for help.
The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant.
The farmer hangs up & gives this some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means that he has to impregnate the pigs. So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back & goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes & looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud.
"No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."