My Private Pilgrimage

How do I begin to explain with only words and photos what I have experienced? I don't know but I will try. October 21 We flew into Rome. I also was able to see the driving of Rome, Yikes! I promise not to complain about U.S. drivers for a few months. We went to the Vatican for a few hours but you really need days to explore. It was so beautiful! Saint Therese the Little Flower's body was up on the main altar because she had just been made a Doctor of the Church, what timing we had since she is one of my favorites. There is so much history there in one building I could write a story on it alone but I will continue on to my time in Medjugorje.

We arrived in the late evening to the house we were staying at. I slept well that evening due to long hours on the plane. Got up early and walked to where Vicka lives and saw a group of people gathering to hear her talk. Went to 10:00 am English Mass. It was really packed. It was wonderful to see so many priests concelebrating. My eyes teared when receiving Jesus. There is such devotion here!

We are staying with Vlado and Vesna Ostojic in Bijakovic. They are such simple, humble people who have great humor and love life and Jesus and Mary. My wife would love it here we walk everywhere. There are taxi that will take you anywhere in the town for about $4.00 dollars one way. There are pictures of Jesus and Mary everywhere here private homes, the shops, cafe's. 95% of the cars have rosaries on the rear-view mirrors, including the cop cars!

Father Phillip Pavich who has been a priest for 40 years gave a great talk after the English Mass. Then we walked past the fields of grapes towards Vicka's house and Mount Podbrdo which is known as apparition hill. This is the first place Our Lady appeared to the children June 24, 1981. The terrain here is very rocky so my buddy Greg helped a 76 year old sweetheart from our group up the hill. It is said that there are special graces given to those who climb the hills barefoot, and I am thinking hard about that as I make my way up with shoes this time. You see, if you sin like King David, I think it would be wise to learn to repent like King David! Many times I thought about these hills from the states and never ever thought I would be able to see them. Miracles do happen though and since some kind soul paid my way here, I am very thankful for this one moment on this hill.

Went to 6:00 Croatian Mass but I couldn't fit inside because it appears the whole town comes. Now remember that each Mass is able to be heard quite a distance from the church because there are speakers on the outside of the church. Wouldn't you know Our Lord and Our Lady had special plans for me. I met a nice couple from Washington State. Guess what she is Catholic (of course) and (of course) he isn't. I go halfway around the world and my first night in Medjugorje I meet probably the only protestant in this town. Those of you who know me and my love of the Church and apologetics will really understand the humor of this situation. Well, I answered some of his questions he had on the faith and gave him one of the photo's that you see on my webpage. I was so excited that I was put to work immediately that I hired a taxi to take me back to the house to get a copy of "Surprised by Truth" by Patrick Madrid. It has 11 stories of people converting to the Church. I am sure this book will help my new friend from Washington understand the historical backround of the Roman Catholic Church. It is amazing that I felt I just had to bring that book here just in case.

Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament after the Croation Mass was so touching. Most of the town stays up to an hour and a half after Mass. First they do either the glorious mysteries of the rosary or the seven Our Fathers, Hail Mary's and Glory Be's or both. Many pilgrims also come for this. The singing is heavenly due to the devotion of the hearts of the people. To see this many people from all parts of the world gathering together and worshipping Jesus with all their hearts is awesome!

Remember how I mentioned special graces for going up the hills barefoot. There is a fine line between devotion and insanity. It is official I am absolutely nuts! I went up apparition hill around 10:00 pm barefoot and by flashlight. There is no power anywhere on the hills. There is a lower cross on the hill where the Blessed Mother appeared holding the baby Jesus in her arms. I prayed the Divine Mercy in front of this cross. While looking at the cross, I saw a most amazing sight. Starting at the end of the right crossbar the most beautiful shooting star appeared. It traveled up at a 45 degree angle just past where Jesus's head would have been and fizzled out. It's tail was about 1/5th of the sky! Amazing! I continued up the hill to where Mary first appeared. When I got there there was a group of teenage German pilgims of whom many were weeping very hard. I knew in my heart that they were leaving this magical place in the morning. After they departed I lay prostrate at the foot of the simple cross that marks the spot where Our Lady first appeared. I had many prayer intentions with me from many people in my belly bag, so I clipped my belly bag around the cross and prayed the rosary. Sometime between 12 and 2 am I started my way back down the hill barefoot. I thought it was penance going up but I really learned the value of prayer on the way down. The pain was intense, it was cold, but I was determined to go all the way because I was offering the suffering up for all those I promised to pray for. I believe we have lost the value of suffering for others and many of us have become weenies, wimps, and wussies. I know I have but I treasure this night as at least the one time I wasn't.

Day Two: 7:30 in the morning and I see Greg's smiling face waking me up. Breakfast is at 8:00 and Mass at 10:00. There are more pilgrims coming in, Irish, Swiss, English, Aussie's, Asia, everywhere! At Mass today I saw something I didn't expect. U. N. Troops. French troops from around Sarajevo, U. S troops too. Spain's mountineers and tankers. They come in a busload or in their military jeeps wearing their camo's and the M.P.'s have their guns, but they come and they kneel before Our Lord because His mother has asked them to. Think of how many troops from around the world have been to Bosnia in regular rotation for the U.N. It appears that many of them get a special invitation from Our Lady and they come to this little town and it transforms them. When they get back to their countries they tell their families about this special place, Medjugorje. Many of you know that Mary comes here with the title of Queen of peace. It adds a whole new dimension to world peace to see the troops and the devotion here. It gives me hope. A very special invitation from the Queen of Peace to the ones who are trying to keep the peace in the only town in Bosnia that throughout the war had peace. I find that very interesting.

I did a little shopping until 3:00 pm, Divine Mercy time. The Divine Mercy was sung before the Blessed Sacrament and then the Divine Praises was recited, beautiful! Somehow it feels differently here maybe because every one seems to be giving it all they got. At 5:00 we have a nice surprise, our very special guide Maria from the Croatian Mir Center has arranged for us to be with the youngest visionary, Jakov for his daily apparition.

A little after five we went to the little Adoration chapel next to the Church. It was just our group and a few others that Mary must have invited. We started the rosary from the joyful and into the sorrowful mysteries. During the crowning with thorns, Jakov came in and knelt. Mary appeared for about five minutes and Jakov told us she blessed us and the articles we had and appeared very happy today. For all of those I promised to pray for, just know that I was less than ten feet away from her, and all of your petitions and articles were at my knees. I know what I felt but I guess you would have to be there to understand so for those who have faith in this, no explanation is needed, for those who don't none is possible.

You know anywhere I go in this town there are people praying. Even at night on some back alley before you know it a group of pilgrims comes praying the rosary. Walk by a townpersons home and they are singing a hymn. Turn another corner, another pilgrim, another prayer or hymn. An atheist would either go nuts here or be converted. In many different tongues but all with one voice of praise to God. Look, up on the hills there are lights where there is no power, people by flashlight giving devotion. God is everywhere but here in simplicity, His presence is felt. If you want to love God more, try being around people who love God with all their hearts, you can do that here.

Day 3 Friday; It is raining today. At 10:00 am English Mass, Father Dean from California is the main celebrant. Father Dean is a young devoted priest who for 25 years couldn't receive the Eucharist because he wasn't Catholic. Now, due to Medjugorje, he is a fine priest. I look at him and I think of American Catholics and I have more hope than I had before I came. Thank You, my dear Lord , for this Holy priest. Around 12:00 we headed for Siroki Brijeg to the Church of the Assumption where the beloved Father Jozo Zovko is. Anyone who knows the Medjugorje story knows this blessed priest. He who in the communist times gave so much for Our Lord and Our Lady. He gave a wonderful two hour talk about Jesus, Peter, The Holy Father, and the rosary. The Pope's letter for October asks bishops, priests and all to pray the rosary. We need for our priests to turn to this Holy weapon to heal our illnesses within our Church. I worry because one of the main problems in the USA is of disobedience to the Holy Father in Rome. To me diobedience of the Vicar of Christ on earth, is disobedience of Christ himself. Speaking of disobedience, Father Jozo mentioned that President Clinton, who layed his hand on the Bible for his oath of office, uses that same hand to sign into law abortion bills.

Got back into Medjugorje about five or so and went to our house to eat. Did I mention that I was staying with Vesna the best cook in all of Medjugorje? Went to St James for the 6:00 Croatian Mass. It was really windy and rainy but as usual the whole town was there inside and out. At this Mass is is so jam-packed that all the isles have people in them, The front entrance is standing room only, the choir loft is full, there is even people on the stairs leading up to the choir loft. Still there is between 200 to 600 people outside on both sides and in back in the rotunda. They listen to the Mass through the speakers, sit, stand, kneel, and all turn towards the altar from their various sides. Where else is there devotion such as this? Where? Is Mary appearing here? My eyes get tears in them when I think of this one point among many. Oh Lord, please send your graces upon the American Catholics! The people of this small town have put up with us pilgrims, let us crowd into their church, feed us, let us stay in their homes everyday for 16 years now. They do this with gentleness, humility, great love, always greet us on their streets. Is a miracle happening here you ask? I ask you, which miracle!!

During the Friday night veneration of the cross I was getting claustrophobic so I left. I don't know for sure why, it was such a beautiful devotion. I started walking and was getting really down on myself because I am such a weenie when it comes to fasting. I can do everything else well but I love my soda-pop and my smokes and I am really weak when it comes to giving them up. Food I can give completely up for a day but these I have a problem with. Excuse me for this but I get really pissed at myself when I think that I seem to love them or my selfish desires more than I am able to sacrifice them for the love of Our Lord. So I decided, OK weenie, time for more penance. I headed for apparition hill to pray. It is about 9:00 and real dark. My penance this time would be no flashlight. My feet just got better and we have to climb cross mountain tomorrow, the big mountain. There was no one else on the hill because it was windy and rainy. I started up praying the glorious mysteries. I prayed meditating on the ressurection while prostrate at the lower cross and continued the rosary up to the apparition spot and finished up. When I was done up there I felt truly estatic, my mood had completely changed. I realized I am weak and human but yet My Lord has given me great graces to accomplish many things and do them well. I have gone to Mass daily now for three years, say the rosary nightly with my family, and have learned how to defend His Church. I have been given a great ability to talk to people about Our Lady's many different apparitions in history and have been given the wonderful graces to be able to actually see the changes in peoples lives with the seeds I planted, that the Holy Spirit has nurtured. How many people have been given such great gifts? I am truly a rich man. Maybe with time and grace I will be able to conquer the selfish desires within. I lay back on the rocks up there and looked up to the stars in the heavens and wished so much that my wife back in Missouri could be here to experience this with me.

Day four Saturday October 25th 1997. 10:00 Mass was beautiful. Excitement almost takes over during Mass. I almost forget to say some of the extra little prayers that I pray at home. I watch the devotion of all these different people from all parts of the world and truly understand the word catholic and its meaning- universal. I am awed and truly facinated. Language and communication just isn't a problem here. Many people and many tongues but love of God is truly universal (catholic). It is almost like the third glorious mystery of the rosary, the desent of the Holy Spirit upon the apostles. Anyone, anywhere, they speak in their own tongue or maybe a few English words and gestures and somehow you understand them completely. It is a language of common love, this is Catholicism at its finest!

After Mass we go to the big green tent behind St. James to listen to Father Slavko Barbaric. Very humble priests here but when the priests speak here you really feel that it is Jesus speaking through them. You listen, learn, and do your best to obey. Father Slavko says that there are three surprises when you get to heaven. The first surprise is that there are people there that you told to go to hell. The second surprise is that none of your personal idols such as television, cigarettes, etc. are there. The third surprise is that you made it there!

We headed for cross mountain, Mount Krizevac. It is a beautiful experience to walk up this mountain and say the staions of the cross on the way up, You hear the other pilgrims saying them in their language or in English but with the many accents of the world. You stop and reflect and pray at each station, which is a great break for us nuts going barefoot. To think that the village people took this same path many years ago before these sharp stones where somewhat softened by the feet of millions of pilgrims and carried concrete up this mount to build this beautiful cross to honor the 1900th anniversary of the Crucifixtion in 1933. Why wouldn't God smile on the faith of these wonderful people here and send the Blessed Virgin Mary. If you were here and see what I saw you too could see the beauty in the logic of it all.

On my way down the mountain, a most unusual thing happened, and it was the same thing about three times. At different spots, several different older women from different countries, came up to me and grabbed my hand with both of theirs looked at my bare feet and then into my eyes. They had a look of such love and concern and it was like they all had exactly the same look in their eyes. It was downright touching but also kind of weird. They must have thought,"Oh that poor American boy has lost his mind, so sad." I'll bet Mary's eyes are like that. I hope to look into Jesus's eyes one day.

Went to a talk given by the visionary Marija and she repeated the words Gospa (Our Lady) wants us to hear. She also gave us the monthly message for the world she recieved earlier that day from Our Lady. "Dear children! Also today I am with you and I call all of you to renew yourselves by living my messages. Little children, may prayer be life for you and may you be an example to others. Little children, I desire for you to become carriers of peace and of Gods' joy to todays' world without peace. That is why, little children, pray, pray, pray! I am with you and I bless you with my motherly peace. Thank you for having responded to my call."

Missed the Croatian Mass tonight but I went to the Adoration afterwards. There are a few hymns in Latin I knew tonight. Mary has said from here that if you had to choose between seeing her or the Holy Mass, you should choose the Most Holy Mass because her Son is there. Amen. The Holy Mass and Eucharist are everything to these people. Jesus is here and He isn't lonely. Is He lonely where you are? Go to Him, comfort Him and He will comfort you.

After Adoration I went to what I call candle cross on the side of the Church. Hundreds of candles outside at night around a cross with their smoke and intentions ascending to heaven. There was a group from Ireland gathered there and they were singing and praying the glorious mysteries. When they finished the rosary they had dueling guitars with voices singing hymns of praise. It was 11:00 at night, a beautiful starry sky, candles galore lighting glowing faces, and songs that brought a tear to your eyes. What a glorious end to this beautiful day!

Sunday at 12:00 Mass there were probably 30 priests. Climbed Mount Podbrdo for the fourth time today. Did some shopping today so I don't get lynched when I get back. Had a wonderful dinner at the house. Went down to St. James, got there in time for the 7 Our Fathers, Hail Marys, Glory be's, the glorious mysteries and the veneration of the cross. When I arrived they were still having communion, there were about 400 people outside lined up around the Church to receive Our Lord in the Eucharist. My thoughts are what exactly did these people see in the early days of the apparitions to give such devotion and faith. Many people know the the Croatian word for peace, MIR, appeared in the sky above the town. I am sure if you grew up with someone you knew to have integrity and they stuck exactly to their words everyday for 16 years 4 months already that would help you to believe. Some of the people have said they have seen other things such as the miracle of the sun and certain phenomenon. I came here with faith but these citizens of the Medjugorje area have faith on another level, their faith is giving me more faith. It has also given me faith that if it can happen here it can happen for the faith of the people in the States.

Monday: My last full day here. I am sad that my time here is coming to a close but I have another love at home, my wife and kids, I miss them so! At 6:30 in the morning I am outside taking photos of the sunrise. I turned to the cross on Mount Krizevac to say a couple of Hail Marys. All of a sudden above the right crossbar I see something that took my breath away. I see a light! You know when you look at a lighthouse, you know it is a light going around in a circle, but when viewed from straight on it appears dim and then grows very strong and bright and then just fades to nothing. That is what I saw, but it was daylight, the sun had already come up and this was bright light up there. I was up on that mountain and I know where the light was at, and there is simply no way anyone can get that high above the right crossbar. I should have gone to my knees thanking Jesus and Mary for allowing me to see this, but actually because of the shooting star the other night, my exact thought was, "What is this with the right crossbar? Am I a little right of center, -- Lord?" I will have to pray about what this means.

At 8:00 am we were at Mirjana's House to listen to her stories of the last 16 years and what Gospa wants us to know from her. Each of the visionaries has been given special things to pray for by Our Lady. Mirjana's special job is to pray for the unbelievers. Our Lady never calls them unbelievers, she calls them those who haven't felt God's love. I was able to ask her a question about protestants and Catholics. People who don't believe in the authority of the Church would be considered unbelievers. Very interesting answer, I thought.

Went to 10:00 Mass which was led by a wonderful Irish priest and of course the other 20 priests. It is fun to see all those priests up there. I remember giggling to myself thinking that in the states we have gangs and here they have gangs of priests. Two of my favorite hymns were sung, As I kneel before you, and How Great Thou Art. After Mass I headed to a little restaurant called Coco's near the Church and had a Croatian style cheeseburger. It was very good. The owner had just had a baby and was rejoicing and we all rejoiced with him. There was a rosary up on the post near me, needless to say I never forgot to say grace while I was here.

We left St. James at 12:00 and walked the path through the fields towards Podbrdo. We said the St Anthony prayer on the rosary which is the Creed, 13 Our Fathers, 13 Hail Marys, 13 glory be's. We went to the blue cross which is on the lower part of the hill. Our guide Maria said that there will be no talking here this is a holy place and I agree. This is a very special place. The blue cross is where some of the townspeople were allowed to touch the Blessed Virgin. As the townspeople were touching her, the veil and her dress got dirty and dirtier. The children got very alarmed and asked Mary why this was happening. The Blessed Virgin Mary said, "Tell the people to go to confession once a month." Their sins were making her clothes dirty. The very thought of what happened at this spot is enough to make you examine yourself. Many people today say well, I go directly to Jesus with my sins. I also go directly to Jesus in his word, in James 5:13-16, and John 20:21-23 and elsewhere. I go to Jesus and he tells me to go to a priest. So I also go to Jesus and then I obey him.

From the blue cross we walked up the road to what is called the Re-Hab center. We saw Mirjana on the road as we were walking there. Our guide Maria went up and joked with her. Mirjana was trying to get some things together before leaving for the states again. It must be difficult for her because all the visionaries are working so hard all the time to spread Our Lady's message. The center is called the Field of Peace. It was started by a nun named Sister Elvira. I saw Sister Elvira at a Marian Conference two months before coming here. She was this short little nun speaking Italian with a translator and she had all of us in the palm of her hand. You could feel the Holy Spirit sending truth out of this Godly woman. I remember her face most of all. Remember Cecil B. DeMilles, The Ten Commandments, when Moses came down off the mountain and his face was all lit up. That is what Sister Elvira looked like as she was speaking to us. No wonder she can handle all the boys and girls in the various centers here and in Italy and in other parts of the world. The love of God radiates from this woman. When one joins the center here, you give up T.V., radio, cigarettes, alcohol, etc. The day starts with the joyful mysteries and morning prayer, at lunch the sorrowful mysteries, evening the glorious. They have Holy Mass at least three times a week in the beautiful chapel on the grounds. When you first join, an "Angel of God" is assigned to you. This is a human who will be with you, talk to you, sleep by you, and even go to the bathroom with you. As you progress in the community, one day you will become an "Angel of God" for someone new. Then you will realize how hard it was for your "Angel of God" when you first came It wouldn't be easy, you would learn patience, humility, kindness, by serving your fellow human out of love 24 hours 7days a week. We help people but then we go home. This is total commitment. This is unconditional love. Loving God by loving that person more than you love yourself, who would have time to sin. Of course, sin is loving yourself more than you love God. Think of what this center does. Devoted to prayer and to serving your fellow humans, this is true rehabilitation.

It was cold, windy, and rainy when time came for my last Croatian Mass. As usual everybody was there. I made my way up to the choir loft with about 200 others. Later I moved outside the choir loft to the stairs leading up to it. There was about 50 people in the area of the tower leading up to the choir loft. When time came for the Eucharist here came the priests giving us Our Lord on the stairs on their way up to the choir loft. They covered Jesus so preciously lest His Body and Blood get rained on. There is no question of His true presence here. There is respect.

Early Tuesday morning I can't sleep thinking about leaving this place. I also am missing my love very much. To me marriage is a covenant between God, man, and woman. I miss my woman, and I miss the fact that she isn't here to share all that I have experienced here. If you come, trust me, bring your better half. About 4:00 am I headed for the blue cross to pray one last rosary on the hill. It was so peaceful and I was full of thanksgiving for this trip.

Our bus was leaving Medjugorje and I fixed my eyes on the cross on Mount Krizevac til it was out of sight and I pondered many things. I am leaving this place of such devotion to my home in the United States. I worry so for the country I love because it allows such things as abortion, has taken prayer out of the schools, all in the name of freedom. The Church in America where many of our beloved priests and nuns no longer wear their clerical garb that I respected and loved so much as a child, many that I know now don't even pray the rosary. Still the greatest gift Our Lady and Medjugorje has given me is hope. I have seen a little slice of heaven on earth. I have seen how it could be here if we would only listen to the new and yet so familiar voice crying out in the wilderness. Every month her motherly love is calling us with her messages. Are we listening? Love is calling! Are we listening?