What goes screech, vroom, screech, vroom? A blonde driving through a blinking red light... What is every blonde's ambition in life? To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet. Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy!! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful....." "Wrong!", replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?" The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?" The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes , "I know what Easter is." "Oh?", says St. Peter incredulously. "Easter is the holiday where Christians celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. It coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St. Peter smiled broadly with delight. The blonde continued, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out.... and if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter." "Tell me again," the judge asked. "Why did you park there?" The blonde rose and answered respectfully, "Because your honor, the sign said 'Fine for Parking'" Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? You can park in the handicap zone. What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair black? Artificial intelligence. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? An interpreter. What do you call 10 blondes in a row? A wind tunnel. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A Space Invader. What does the blonde say when you blow in her ear? Thanks for the refill! What do you call two blondes in a freezer? Frosted flakes. What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted. What's the Blonde's cheer? I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B. L. O. N., ah, er, oh well... I'm blonde, yea, yea, yea! How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings? Tell them a joke on Friday evening! How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in her ear! What's a blonde doing when she holds her hands up to her ears? Trying to hold on to a thought! Did you hear about the blonde who won a gold medal at Atlanta? She took it home and had it bronzed! A brunette and a blonde decide to go sky diving. As the plane starts to turn towards the jump run, the two of them figure out the order by which they were going to jump out of the plane. The first is the blonde and the second is the brunette. So the blonde jumps out, using her fingers she counts to ten, and pulls the ripcord; the chute opens up, no problem. The brunette jumps, counts to ten, and pulls the ripcord but the chute doesn't pop. She tries the emergency cord; no luck either. She lets lose a blood curdling scream and continues to plummet to certain death below. On the way down, the brunette zooms past the blonde. "Ah, so you want to race, huh?" And the blonde undoes the straps to her parachute. What's brown and red and black and blue? A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes. [Home] [Blonde Jokes] [Poems] [Awards] [The Scoop on Me] [Picture Gallery]
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