The Creation of the Cat (author unknown)
On the first day of creation, God created the cat.
On the second day, God created man to serve the cat.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as potential food for the cat.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the cat.
On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that the cat might or might not play with it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but he had to scoop the litterbox.

Cat Stuff Compiled by Glenda Moore of CatStuff "A cat is only domestic so far as suits its own needs." "Ack! Phfft! Thptpth!" - Bill the Cat "All of this generosity has made me tired!" * Cat "Better make myself look *big*!" -- The Cat "Can you imagine 1,000 cats agreeing to do *anything*?" "Cat! You're so gullible!" -- Lister "CATFOOD??!!?? You woke me up for a lousy can of CATFOOD??! "Cats are around to remind us why we need opposable thumbs." "Cats are independent, by which I mean smart." - D. Barry "Cats don't need any excuses..." "Cats rule and dogs drool!" Sassy "Cats, like butterflies, need no excuse." -- Heinlein "Did someone say fish? I haven't been fed all day." "Did ya put the cat out?" "I didn't know it was burning." Dogs and cats living together, real wrath of God type stuff. "Don't ask." * Cat Everybody wants to be a cat! "Get all the catnip you can." Go away, cat. You make me smile too much. God bless us cat lovers. "He disappeared, like the cat in that Russian story." Chekov "I could have more fun in cat litter." "I don't do mornings." Garfield the cat "I was a cat in my other lives." "I'm claiming all of this as mine!" -- The Cat "If you would know a man, observe how he treats a cat." "It's a cat book. You sniff the lines!" * Cat Men don't like cats because cats are cooler than they are. "Meow culpa." - Something you'll never hear from a cat. "Mmmmmm, something smells good! It's me." * Cat Never try to outstubborn a cat. No favor can win gratitude from a cat. "NO!" to a cat means "Not while I am looking." "Nothing the cats do surprises me anymore." "Self, self, self, self, self!" -- The Cat "Sleeping is my third favorite thing!" -- The Cat "The cat was created when the lion sneezed." - Arab myth "The cat's the only cat who knows where it's at!" "The great open spaces where cats are cats." "What now?" "The cat's eaten it." "You must tell her she is a pretty cat, and a good cat." "You're aAwake!" * Cat (Cat): "Not now. I have to go pee on the laundry." Cats know how we feel. They don't care, but they know. If you want the best seat in the house, move the cat. *:*:*:*:My cat walks all over me:*:*:*:* Dogs come when called... Cats have answering machines Furball - a game cats like to play on the floor purrpetmeorIscratchyoureyesoutpurr - common feline term ... The cat is, above all things, a dramatist. .....Cat \kat\ n; small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist A blate cat maks a prood moose.- Old Scot Saying A cat could be man's best friend, but never stoops to it. A cat is a diagram and pattern of subtle air. A cat is a four footed allergen. A cat is a friend who will never betray you. A cat is a terrible thing to waste... Drive safely. A cat is all love and energy!!! A cat is always on the wrong side of the door. A cat is an animal who never cries over spilled milk. A cat is an extension of God. A cat is domestic only as far as it suits its own ends. A Cat is easier to train than a man A cat is just a bundle of purr. A cat is nobody's fool. A Cat is only domestic in so far as suits its own needs. A cat is the universe's way of showing us purr-fection. A cat is _always_ on the wrong side of the door. A Cat may look at a King. A cat sleeps fat, yet walks thin. A cat stretches from one end of my childhood to the other. A cat will always sit on whatever you're trying to read. A cat would be man's best friend, but never stoops to it. A cat's courage is as strong as a dog's chain. A cat's purr is sound of it generating mystery and enigma A cat's purr is the rumble of peace in the animal kingdom. A cat's purr is the sound of it generating mystery. A cat's purr: Most effective stress medicine known. A cat's worst enemy is a closed door. A cat, the only self-cleaning appliance in the house. A cats purr is the sound of it generating "cute" A cat's way of keeping law & order is Claw Enforcement. A closed door is an attack on a cat's personal freedom. A dog is a dog, but a cat is a purrson! He's a few cats short of a litter. A happy cat means a happy household. A home without a cat is only a house. A purring cat and a glowing fireplace makes winter bearable. Actually, cats are quite good at domesticating humans. After a hard day, it's nice to come home to a warm cat. Ah, I'm sorry sir, the cat's eaten it. There ain't room to cuss a cat here w/out gettin' fur in your mouth! All cats are right. All dogs go to heaven. Cats watch them leave. All I need to know I learned from my cat. An aquarium is interactive television for cats. And on the 8th day, God created cats. And why _did_ cats decide to become domestic animals? Anything not nailed down is a cat toy. Aren't cats just little furry balls of love? As alert as a mouse at a cat show. As anyone who owns a cat knows: no one can own a cat. As busy as a one-eyed cat watching two mouse holes. Bathed the cat--took HOURS to get the hair off my tongue. Bureaucat: A kitty who sleeps on your undies... C:\pet C:\pet\cat C:\pet\cat\ignore\human Call my cat?! No, I just run the can opener... CAT (n): 1. Furry keyboard cover 2. Alarm clock CAT (n): A walking ego with fur. Cat + unattended keyboard = garbage all over screen CAT - (kat') n. Dog with an attitude problem. CAT ADVICE: Take some time to eat the flowers. Cat aplomb: Whatever happens, look as if it were intended. Cat are always more sarcastic than dogs. Cat asleep on my shoulders - the ONLY way to wear fur! Cat ate cheese and waited by mousehole with baited breath. Cat bathing is a martial art. Cat bumper sticker: Life is hard, then you nap. Cat fur expands to fill all available drives. Cat Game #10: Hide and go puke. Cat Game #1: Hah - made you look! Cat Game #3: Take up the most room on bed. Cat Game #6: Fit into the smallest space available. Cat Game #7: Hide inside the smallest space. Cat look #1: You might *think* it's your chair but ..... Cat philosophy - when in doubt, cop an attitude! Cat philosophy: It doesn't hurt to ask for what you want. Cat philosophy: I am, therefore give me tuna. Cat quote: "Doesn't take much to entertain a human!" CAT RULE #2: Get plenty of sleep so you can play at 4 am. Cat Rule #3: When fat, arrange self in slim pose. CAT RULE #4: Reserve hairballs for shag carpets CAT RULE #8: Add roughage to human's food by shedding on it. Cat Toy (n): Any object on the ground. Cat's aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit! Cat's teach us tolerance....and how to see through walls. Cat, n.: Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer. Cat, n. Small mammal with an attitude problem. Cat...an attitude in fur! CAT: (n) Walking ego with fur. Cat: a nice animal, frequently mistaken for a meatloaf. CAT: A small furry beast resembling a meatloaf. Cat: Animal that proves eating and sleeping is not ALL bad CAT: Climb your way to the top. That's what drapes are for. Cat: Companion in grace, beauty, mystery, and curiousity. Cat: Furry keyboard cover. Cat: I could've SWORN I heard the can opener! Cat: Living poetry. Cat: Murphy's way of saying "Nice Furniture!" Cat: Ethereal music wreathed in mystery. Cat: Furry alarm clock. CAT: Walking ego with fur. CATALYST n. an alphabetical list of cats. Catastrophe: An award for the cat with the nicest buns. Catholic (n.) - a cat with a drinking problem. Catlapse: The time between removal from a lap and waking Catnip Research Has Not Kept Pace With Other Sciences. Cats *are* the higher purpose of the universe. Cats *can* wait until after 6:00 a.m. to be fed on the weekends. Cats - by Ann Gora Cats allow man the pleasure of caressing the tiger. Cats ALWAYS have to be the center of attention. Cats are an alarm clock and are obligated to wake the humans. Cats are companions. Dogs are slaves. Cats are easier to train than kids! Cats are easy to buy for. Cats are easy to understand... if you're a woman. Cats are excellent at domesticating people... Cats are good company for singles. Cats are good lapwarmers for modemers. Cats are just little bundles of purr. Cats are natural paper shreaders. Cats Are PEOPLE Too Cats are purrfect. Cats are required to shred the newspaper to save Mom from it. Cats are room-mates. Dogs are kids. Cats are so marvelously true to themselves. Cats are the soul of honesty - they hide not their dislikes. Cats are transparent. Cats should sit in front of the TV screen. Cats are NOT clean. Would you bathe in spit? Cats aren't the only species - they just act like it! Cats aren't threatened by a woman with short hair. Cats aren't threatened if you earn more than they do. Cats can catch snowflakes through a closed window if they try hard enough. Cats CAN eat a variety of different kinds of cat food. Cats CAN eat canned cat food in flavors other than tuna. Cats can eat tuna that has not been mixed with Miracle Whip. Cats categorically refuse to perform. Cats come in many varieties...and every one is divine. Cats do not care whether you shave your legs. Cats do not have problems expressing affection in public. Cats do not like beer. Really. Cats do not read at the table. Cats do the most amazing things. Cats don't brag about whom they have slept with. Cats don't correct your stories. Cats don't criticize your friends. Cats don't feel threatened by your intelligence. Cats don't make a practice of killing their own species. Cats don't mind if you do all the driving. Cats don't need any excuses. Cats don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization. Cats don't step on the imaginary brake. Cats don't weigh down your purse with their stuff. Cats have not forgotten they were once worshipped. Cats have nothing on dragons for inquisitiveness. Cats have purr-sonality. =^..^= Cats have the simplest of taste: the best is satisfactory Cats have their own lives; get on with yours Cats have to beg for an ice cube everytime someone opens the freezer door. Cats know all the sunny places. Cats know cats will get some human food if patient. Cats know curtains are for climbing. Cats know how we feel. They don't care, but they know. Cats know leaping into the box helps their human pack. Cats know licking or batting the empty food dish around will make food appear. Cats know looking adorable after misbehaving negates their crime. Cats know Mom's black suede gloves are giant tarantulas that need to be killed. Cats know mom's breasts are pillows that need fluffing. Cats know the bed is a WWF wrestling ring. Cats know the box of aquarium supplies in the basement is a litter box. Cats Know Their Rights. Cats know there are Martians hiding in the new drapes. Cats know there is no better to "punish" the human than whizzing on something. Cats leave footprints on our hearts and we are never the same Cats look at moths and ax-murderers the same. Cats mean it when they kiss you. Cats miss you when you're gone. Cats must act as if being tortured when being flea-powdered. Cats must act like they are dying of hunger in front of Daddy. Cats must activate "the paw" when there is food within snagging distance. Cats must ask to be (fed/petted/let out) when the humans are making whoopee. Cats must attack another cat when their head is sticking out of the litter box. Cats must attack incoming faxes and chew them so that the humans can't read them. Cats must attack Mom and Daddy's feet while they're making whoopee. Cats must attack mom's ear just because she put them on a diet. Cats must attack the answering machine and purr all over it. Cats must attack their human's shoelaces when she is tying them. Cats must balance their 25 pound body on their human's full bladder. Cats must barf up hairballs on their mom's computer keyboard. Cats must beg for food until they have eaten what already in their dish. Cats must bite their human's feet when she is using the computer. Cats must bite their sister's butt until she hisses. Cats must blame Mom when cat falls in a tub full of water. Cats must bring live snakes into the house. Cats must call Mom's mother-in-law long distance at 2 a.m. Cats must catch and eat lizards. Cats must catch mice to give to the dog to eat. Cats must charge themselves with static electricity and zap their sleeping Dad at 2 am Cats must chase the humans while they are carrying a full laundry basket. Cats must chase the other invisible cats across Dad's belly and groin. Cats must chew holes in the bags of clean kitty litter and spread it on the floor. Cats must chew on the antennae of the cordless phone. Cats must chew the buttons off mom's bathrobe. Cats must claim the cream cheese and lox bagel on the kitchen table as their own. Cats must claw a hole in the sofa/box spring to make a nest. Cats must climb into their Daddy's dropped briefs while he is sitting on the toilet. Cats must climb on top of the fridge and knock the magnets off the front. Cats must climb the wallpaper in their human's new house. Cats must climb their human's leg to get tuna fish or pancakes. Cats must cling to the outside of the screen door at eye level howling. Cats must commence biting their human's toes when she exits the shower. Cats must crawl into open suitcase to help Mom pack. Cats must crawl into the dishwasher when it is full of clean dishes. Cats must cuddle mom's dress shoes and drool in them. Cats must destroy a toy the first time they play with it. Cats must display their worm collection on the kitchen floor on a rainy night. Cats must drag dirty socks out of the laundry basket and bury them in the litter box. Cats must drag dirty socks up from the basement in the middle of the night. Cats must drag Mom's knitting around the house, unravelling it in the process. Cats must drag the apple peels out of the garbage to play with them. Cats must drag their butt on the carpet after exiting the litter box. Cats must drink the bathwater while their human is taking a bath. Cats must drool in their sleeping human's ear. Cats must eat all of mom's plants and then barf them up while Mom is not home. Cats must eat all random things they find on the floor. Cats must eat all the baby's breath out of mom's birthday bouquet. Cats must eat fine Swedish tapers like they're candy canes. Cats must eat mom's make up. Cats must eat styrofoam meat trays and then barf up white bingies. Cats must faithfully chase the cursor around the screen. Cats must fall asleep on Mom's back or chest. Cats must fart in front of mom's friends. Nobody ever believes it is the cat. Cats must groom Daddy at 2 am. Cats must groom the back of mom's neck. Cats must groom their private parts in front of company. Cats must groom their private parts while their humans are trying to eat. Cats must growl and hiss at the German Shepherd next door causing him to pee. Cats must gulp down their dinner at lightning speed, and then barf it up. Cats must gut their Bill Clinton catnip doll on the living room rug. Cats must hack up a *huge* hairball on mom's brand-new futon. Cats must have one of the freshly-baked cookies cooling on the table. Cats must have urine wars with the new cat in the house on the kitchen counter. Cats must head butt the control pad/joystick when the human is 10 seconds away from winning. Cats must help Mom with the jigsaw puzzles. Cats must help their sister "recycle" her barfed-up food. Cats must hide Grandma's $35 prescription eyedrops. Cats must hide in the kitchen drawers and jump out at Mom. Cats must hiss and spit at the vet because it pleases their Mom greatly. Cats must hold the pen in their mouth while their human is trying to write. Cats must hook a claw into mom's nostril to wake her up on weekends. Cats must ignore their new toy only to suddenly find it interesting at 3 am. Cats must interfere with the broom when their human is sweeping the floor. Cats must jump into mom's lap while she is breast-feeding the small human. Cats must jump into the chair after their human gets up to do something. Cats must jump into the refrigerator every time Mom opens it. Cats must jump off the top of the cat tree onto the bed and/or its occupants. Cats must jump on mom's lap immediately prior to the commercial breaks. Cats must jump on the break key when their human is on the modem. Cats must jump on the furniture refinishing project. Cats must jump on the kitchen counter and make off with the roast chicken. Cats must jump on the table to eat cantaloupe if no one gives them a piece. Cats must jump on the toilet seat just as their human is sitting down. Cats must jump onto Dad's stomach when he is taking a nap. Cats must knock Mom's Cheerios off of her spoon as she brings it to her mouth. Cats must knock over the kitchen garbage can to get at the chicken bones. Cats must knock over the stacks of CDs. Cats must knock pennies off the nightstand at 3 am in order to get Mom's attention. Cats must knock the area rugs all over the hardwood floor. Cats must knock the brush Mom uses on me into the garbage can just because. Cats must knock the kitchen trash can over EVERY NIGHT scavenging for scraps. Cats must knock the phone off the hook just to hear the neat BEEP-BEEP-BEEP noise. Cats must knock their toys under the refrigerator. Cats must knock things off the coffee table so they can lie down more comfortably. Cats must leap from great heights on to their seated human's genital region. Cats must leave paw prints and hair on the toilet seat. Cats must lick all the glue off of all of the envelopes. Cats must lick mom's eyes while she is trying to sleep. Cats must lick the cheese from the grater when the human's back is turned. Cats must lick the faucet to encourage their human to turn on the drinking water. Cats must lick the other cat's behind in front of Mom and her friends. Cats must lick their human's armpits while she is sleeping. Cats must lick then bite their mom's legs when she comes out of the shower. Cats must lie directly behind their human when she is putting on her makeup. Cats must lie down with their butt in the human's face. Cats must lie next to their human's ear and purr loudly. Cats must lie on clean laundry just after its been folded. Cats must lie on their human's face in the middle of the night. Cats must lie on their human's girlfriend's chest with their butt in her face. Cats must lie under the coffee table and hiss at all of mom's guests. Cats must lurk under the bed and pounce on the unsuspecting human's feet. Cats must make puddles in the ashtray. Cats must make snowflakes out of a whole roll of paper towels. Cats must meow pitifully when their humans are having sex. Cats must meow to be let out when there is a foot-plus of snow on the ground. Cats must need to use ALL the kitty litter to bury their poop. Cats must not beat the dog up because he's stupid. Cats must open all the presents before Christmas. Cats must open the breakfast muffins box and only eat one bite out of each. Cats must pee down the back of the television, causing its innards to short out. Cats must pee in the hole in the carpet where the key to the gas fireplace goes. Cats must pee on Mama's boyfriend's wallet when they have an argument. Cats must peel and eat the raw potatoes that are in the basement. Cats must perform plastic surgery with their claws upon their mom's face. Cats must play "Charge of the Light Brigade" with the other cat in the hallway at 3 am. Cats must play "find the mouse" on the bed at midnight. Cats must play "hockey" with a shampoo cap in the bathtub in the wee hours of the morning. Cats must play attack cat in the middle of the night when Mom moves in her sleep. Cats must play attack Daddy's toes when cats want to be fed in the morning. Cats must play in the toilet and get the seat wet so Mom will yell at Daddy. Cats must play the game "tiger attack" when Mom is weeding the garden. Cats must play trapeze artist on the curtain rods. Cats must play with the ribbons when Mom is wrapping Christmas gifts. Cats must play with their new rubber ball in the bathtub at 3 am. Cats must pounce on the sheets and crawl under them when Mom is making the bed. Cats must press the buttons when the human is on the phone. Cats must pull dirty socks out of the laundry basket and leave them on their Mom's pillow. Cats must pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem. Cats must push the VCR off the top of the TV. Cats must put their head in their human's mouth while he is trying to eat. Cats must put their paw in Mom's mouth to get food out while she's eating it. Cats must put their paw into the boiling water to snag a cooking shrimp. Cats must put their tail/paws in places where they can be stepped on. Cats must raid the ashtray for used pipe cleaners. Cats must refuse to eat their food until it has been piled into a pyramid shape. Cats must remove mom's stuffed bear from her dresser and kill it EVERY SINGLE DAY. Cats must reset their human's alarm clock by walking on it. Cats must ride on the string mop while Mom is cleaning the floor. Cats must rush out from behind the couch and bury their claws in Daddy's leg. Cats must shred the kitchen sponge all over the carpet. Cats must shred the newspaper while someone is reading it. Cats must shred the packaging on all prepackaged food so that they can do a taste test. Cats must sink their claws into Mom's shoulder to get better traction for a jump. Cats must sit in mom's pants/underwear when she is on the throne. Cats must sit on Mom's hand and purr while she is using the computer. Cats must sit on the key marked "Del". Cats must sit on the newspaper while Daddy reads it in the bathroom. Cats must sit on top of the kitchen cabinets playing 'vulture'.
DOES YOUR CAT OWN YOU?
(author unknown; added to by Glenda Moore) 1.Do you select your friends based on how well your cats like them?
2.Does your desire to collect cats intensify during times of stress?
3.Do you buy more than 50 pounds of cat litter a month?
4.Do you scoop out the litter box after each use? Do you wait at the box with the scoop in your hand?
5.Do you think it's cute when your cat swings on the drapes or licks the butter?
6.Do you admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have?
7.Do you sleep in the same position all night because it annoys your cats when you move?
8.Do you kiss your cat on the lips?
9.Do you feed your cat tidbits from the table with your spoon?
10.Does your cat sit at the table (or ON the table) when you eat?
11.Does your cat sleep on your head? Do you like it?
12.Do you have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the refrigerator?
13.Do you watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote?
14.Did you buy a video tape of fish swimming in an aquarium to entertain your cat?
15.Will you stand at the open door indefinitely in the freezing rain while your cat sniffs the door, deciding whether to go out or come in?
16.Would you rather spend a night at home with your cat than go out on a bad date?
17.Do you give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas? Do you spend more for your cat than you do for your spouse?
18.Do the Christmas cards you send out feature your cat sitting on Santa's lap? Does your cat sign the card?
19.Do you put off making the bed until the cat gets up?
20.Does your cat eat out of cut crystal stemware because you both watched the same commercial on television?
21.Do you microwave your cat's food? Prepare it from scratch?
22.Do you climb out of bed over the headboard or footboard, so you won't disturb the sleeping cat?
23.When you are preparing to leave for the day, do you seek out each cat and inform them of your anticipated return time?
24.Do you sleep with no pillow under your head, because the cat wants to sleep on it?
25.Do you stand at the computer because the cat is sleeping on the chair?
26.Do you you make sure there's plenty of kitty litter in the house, even though you may run out of toilet paper?
27.At the store, do you pick out the catfood before you pick out anything for yourself?
28.Do you go to sleep sitting up in bed because you were reading and the cat is curled up on your lap asleep?
29.Does it always take you longer than expected to read a magazine, because the cat keeps curling up on it while you're reading?
30.Do you frequently leave your dresser drawer open when you leave for the day, because the cat jumped into one of them and is asleep in one of the drawers?
31.Is the only comb you can find in the bathroom a flea comb?
32.Do you cook a special turkey for your cat on holidays?
33.Does your cat "insist" on a fancy Sunday breakfast consisting of an omelette made from eggs, milk, and salmon, halibut, or trout?
34.Do you have pictures of your cat in your wallet? Do you bring them out when your friends share pictures of their children? (Pollsters claim that 40 percent of cat owners carry their pet's pictures in their wallets, by the way.) 35.When people call to talk to you on the phone, do you insist that they say a few words to your cat as well?
36.Do you accept dates only with those who have a cat? If so, do you eventually double-date with the cats to see how they get along?
37.When someone new comes to your house, do you introduce your cat, by name, to them?
38.Do you keep old, empty pizza boxes on the counter instead of throwing them away, because the cat likes to sleep in it?

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