My husband and I had wanted a family for a long time. We tried
for three years to have a child, but were unsuccessful. Finally, in April
1997, I went to see the doctor to see if there was a problem. She sent us
to another doctor and we saw him in May. He did some tests on me and after
three months he put me on Clomid. Then in November 1997 we learned we were
going to have a child. We were so happy.
At my appointment in March (20 weeks) the doctor's assistant said my blood pressure was high. The doctor came in to examine me and tried to listen to the baby's heartbeat. He tried and tried but could not find it. So we got the ultra sound machine. Finally with the ultra sound he found it. We were relieved.
He had the assistant schedule me for another more powerful ultra sound later. It was scheduled for the next week. At 21 weeks I went in for the ultra sound and the tech said everything was good. We couldn't tell the sex of the baby. The baby just didn't cooperate and turn so we could see. She left for a minute and thought maybe it would have moved and it did but not enough. So we were a bit disappointed. I had a feeling though that it was a girl. The tech did say she didn't see any obvious boy parts. So I more sure it was a girl. I had wanted a girl from the start.
Everything was going fine after that. I thought I was feeling movements
but not sure as I have never had a baby before. Anyway, for three weeks I
thought everything was okay and was just starting to get things for the baby.
I was finally starting to believe I was actually going to have a baby. Then
the awful news came. At 24 weeks I went to my doctor again. Once again my
blood pressure was high. This time the doctor was concered about it. He
asked me some questions and then got the doppler. Just like before he tried
and tried but couldn't find it. He went and got the ultra sound machine
again. I wasn't really worried as this had just happened the month before.
Only this time it didn't turn out okay. He looked for awhile and was very
quiet. Finally he turned off the machine, handed me a napkin, crossed his
arms, and leaned against the counter. He didn't look happy. I asked the
question, "The heart isn't beating?" He looked at me and said, "No it isn't."
I was shocked and stunned. My husband had to go out of town on business the
day before and wasn't with me. The doctor asked me where my husband was.
I told him and then he asked if I could get a hold of him. I said yes. My
friend had come with me to the appointment who happened to be a first year
nursing student. The doctor said he wanted me to go to the hospital to be
induced. He asked if there was a way I could get there. I told him my
friend would take me and she said she would as well. So then I was
panicked. I had to call my husband but there was no pay phones. I called
my mother at work and told her about the baby's heart not beating. I asked
her to call my husband. She said she would try and that she would met me
at the hospital.
My friend took me to the hospital. After arriving we stopped at the pay phone so I could call my husband. I called but there was no answer. We went on to the maternity ward and I was admited. I had to change into a gown and just after I changed and was about to get into bed my husband's aunt was in the hall. My mom had tried to call her house and then her friend called her cell phone and told her where I was. She then asked what she could do and I asked her to get a hold of Clay. She said okay. My mom showed up later just after that. Finally Clay called and said he was on his way home. A tech at the hospital came in and did another ultra sound. He then got another doctor and they confirmed the baby's heart wasn't beating. He let me see the baby on the monitor one last time to say goodbye. He tried to see the sex but couldn't. So I still didn't know what it was.
At last Clay showed up, as did another friend. At around 5:30, my doctor
came and started the induction process. The medicine made me sick and
gave me a fever. He came back at 10:00 and gave me another dose. I went
all through the night. I had two more doses the next day. I also was
hooked up to a machine the dispensed Morphine for the pain. By that next
afternoon I was starting to hurt. They asked if I wanted an epidural and I
said yes. So I was given the epidural and the anesthesiologist had trouble
getting it in. Finally he got it in. After 45 mintues or more it wasn't
helping. The nurse told me of something else they can try but it only
would last an hour. She said she thought we be done in a hour if not they
can try the epidural agian. I agreed. Then just after she left the room I
started feeling like I needed to go the bathroom. We called the nurse back
and I told her but she said, "Oh no, your going to have a baby." She
started getting everything ready. She got another nurse in to help and
finally at 2:49 pm the baby was delievered. I heard the nurse say it was a
girl. I was quiet and my friend asked me if I heard what the nurse said. I
said yes. Finally the doctor showed up. They took her and cleaned her up
and then gave her to me. I took her and then the doctor asked if I had a
name picked up. Clay said yes I think Megan and I nodded. Then my friend
asked about I middle name and I said Elizabeth. She weighed 15.5 ounces.
The nurse took her to clean her up some more and to take her pictures.
The hospital took a lot of pictures of her and also a mold of her hand and
foot. Later, she was brought back to us and we held her for quite awhile.
Everyone in the room held her as well. We also were giving a disposable
camera and took some pictures of us holding her. It was the saddest day of
our lives, Except leaving the hospital with empty arms. We got home
from the hospital on Saturday. Monday, we went to the funeral home to make
arrangement for her funeral. We agreed to let the doctors do an autopsy and
also a chromosome test. We decided to have a Memorial Service at our church on
Thursday the 9th of April. The funeral was Friday, April 10th. She was buried
in the cemetary where my grandparents are, in a section called Baby Land. It is
all babies. It was so hard putting my first born child to rest at a cemetary. It
just didn't seem right. The doctors didn't find any problems in the autopsy or
chromosome test. So we never knew what happened to make are precious baby daugther's
heart stop. We take comfort knowing she is now in Heaven.
