***URGENT!***

Should you receive a document with ANY of the following viruses, you must immediately open the window and throw your computer out.

*I repeat*, Do not ever again use your computer should it become infected with *ANY* of these horrible viruses!!

Here are some `terrifying` new viruses lurking out here in cyberspace!!

*Freudian Virus* - Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard. Or becomes very jealous of the size of your friend`s hard disk.

*Lorena Bobbit Virus* - turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.

*Tonya Harding Virus* - turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.

*Paul Revere Virus* - warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\.

*Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus* - instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg.

*Ollie North Virus* - plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files.

*Joey Buttafuaco Virus* - only attacks minor files.

*Ronald Reagan Virus* - saves your data, but forgets where it`s stored.

*Jane Fonda Virus* - attacks your hard drive`s FAT.

*Oprah Winfrey Virus* - Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.

*AT&T Virus* - Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

*MCI Virus* - Every three minutes it reminds you that you`re paying too much for the AT&T virus.

*Politically Correct Virus* - Never calls itself `virus,` but instead refers to itself as an `electronic microorganism'.

*Ross Perot Virus*- Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits.

*Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus* - Terminates and stays resident. It`ll be back.

*Government Economist Virus* - Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

* Federal Beaurocrat Virus *- Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

*Adam and Eve Virus* - Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer.

* Congressional Virus #1*- The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

*Congressional Virus #2* - Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn`t allow the user to accomplish anything.

*Airline Virus* - You`re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

*PBS Virus* - Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.

*Jimmy Hoffa *- Your programs can never be found again.

* L. A. P. D. Virus *- It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in self-defense.

*O.J. Virus* - It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it.

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