MY   TESTIMONY
    I am the oldest of a family of four children, three girls and one boy.  My parents divorced when I was 11 years old.  I lived with my mother and my father moving to another town.  We saw him only when he was able to make the trip down to see us.  I longed for those days to be able to spend time with him.  When I was about 13 years old, he had a heart attack and died.  He was only 38 years old at the time.  It was hard for me to accept the fact that he was no longer going to be able to spend time with me.  It took me years to accept the fact that he had died.  To this day, I do not know if he knew the Lord.  My mother had to work in order to support the family and times were tough for her to make ends meet.  From the time I was little, my mother would take us to church.  When she and my father divorced,  it was left up to the children to decide if they wanted to go or not, as she often had to work.  I would attend only when it suited me.   Not long after my father had died, I attended a small church near my home, (a Foursquare Church).  I accepted the Lord for the first time there, but because  the pastor at the time did not stay long, I fell away.

      During my high school days, I got involved with drinking alcohol and marijuana.  I used more of the marijuana than alcohol.  The friends I had associated myself with were not the best of company.  But at the time, no one could have told me that.  I met my husband while in high school and he was able to pull me away from the "friends" I had.  We were married a year after I graduated from school. (Still married today).  I continued to use marijuana.  At first, it was just a "social" usage, but eventually it got to the point that I had to be "high" to do anything.  I got pregnant with our oldest daughter, and even that did not put an end to my usage.  I did slow down, but did not quit.  One evening, I was upset and crying, crying out for Daddy.  I knew he was dead, but I wanted so much for him to be there and hold me in his arms and hug me.  All of a sudden I felt a hand touch my shoulder and a peace come over me.  At the time, I was uncertain what had happened.  I now know that it was the hand of the Lord.

      It was after the birth of our second daughter, that I started going back to church.  I once again accepted Jesus into my heart at a christian concert.  Soon after, I was water baptized.   I asked Jesus to help me to give up the marijuana.  He did, and I have not used since, that has been 16 years ago.

     I raised my three children in the church,  without help from my husband.  He is not walking with the Lord, yet.  God has given me visions and promises that he will walk with Him one day.  I stand on those promises daily.  Little by little over the years, God has softened his heart.

     Raising the three kids has not been easy.  Our oldest daughter and son are both strong willed kids.  They have tested us until sometimes I feel like I can take no more.  But the Lord is so gracious that He knows just how much we can handle.  I kept giving each situation over to Him and he has helped me to get through each and everyone.  Without the Lord I know I would never have made it through all that He has brought me through.

     Not only did my father die at a young age, but about four years ago, my mother died of cancer.  That was another set back for me.  I had a hard time accepting it.  I knew she was with the Lord, but I was not ready to let her go.

      All of my life I felt like I was not worth anything, that I didn't have anything useful to say and even if I did say it, that no one would like my ideas.  I had no self confidence, I didn't feel like people wanted to have me around.  I had friends, but no "best friend".  Someone to share all my secrets with.  I was afraid of rejection.   

    My way of dealing with things I did not want to deal with was to stuff them inside a box, in which I kept locked inside of me.  I would give it over to the Lord, then stuff it in the box.  Sometimes I would take it back out again, and try to deal with it, make a bigger mess of it and stuff it back in again.

     Not only has He been my guide in everything, but He has given me the patience to get through each learning experience.  He has also been merciful with me, patient with me, gracious, and compassionate.  Sometimes I had a hard time learning each lesson.

     About two months ago, I was once again touched by the Lord.  He told me to give Him the keys to that box.  Not only did I give Him the keys, but I gave Him the box.  He freed me from every thing I had stuffed into that box all of my life.   He has filled me with His joy and laughter.  I no longer have those fears.  I no longer feel like I am worthless and amount to nothing.  I know that through Christ Jesus all things are possible.  I have confidence in myself.
I want more of Jesus in my life!!

     A few days after I gave the keys and box to Jesus, He gave me this vision:  He told me He was going to allow me to keep one wall.  This wall was to be built in complete darkness, way out in space.  Behind this wall I was to place "my box".  Then I was to take satan and tie him with a strong cord.  I was wrap this cord around him, from his shoulders to his toes.  His arms at his side.  I was then to place him inside of the box and lock him in.  A few days later, satan tried to get may attention again, this time by whispering in my ear.  The Lord told me to put duct tape over his mouth.  Now every time satan tries to get my attention, I just remind him  where he is and that he is no longer in control!

      PRAISE THE LORD!!!  I can now be all that He wants me to be in Him.   His will for my life, not mine!!
 

 
 
 
 

 

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