This is the story of our son Joseph Paul Shue. In April of 1997 we faced one of the most difficult things a parent could possibly face, the loss of a child. This is the story of our thoughts and emotions and of the Grace of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. During this time we received much support and prayer from our friends and family. The support also extended to many that we didn't even know. To all those people we would like to say thank-you. We have put this story here in hopes that many will be ministered to, especially those that have lost a child. To our visitors, at the end of Joseph's Story there are some pictures of Joseph and a poem the Lord gave Stephanie after Joseph went to be with Jesus.

 Let me start by saying that I love being a Mom. It is such a privelege and a blessing to nurture children. That God trusts us to take care of them is amazing. Children are so precious. This page is about our fourth baby, Joseph Paul Shue.

 I found out I was pregnant in September of 1996. I have always wanted to have a lot of children so I was excited. As the months went by everything seemed to be well. The ultrasound at 14 weeks was fine. Little did I know the Lord was already working on things for us. You see, my doctor does a routine ultrasound at 20 weeks. When I went in at 14 weeks they could not find a heartbeat. So they did one that day. We didn't see anything in great detail but you could see the baby. Now if I had another one at 20 weeks they probably could have seen some of the abnormalities. Then I would have just been worried and upset the rest of my pregnancy. Looking back I can see how the Lord worked that out for us.

 I knew that this little one wasn't as active as my other three. But that was okay, I could use a quiet baby this time. We would talk to the baby, rub my tummy, and feel the kicks. We were getting excited about having another baby. My children were probably more anxious than we were.

 As the time came close we were preparing. I got the baby clothes washed, set up the crib, and got out the other "essentials". We were ready. The plan was for my Mom to take our three children while the baby was being born. When labor started that Sunday morning, I called Mom so she would be ready. For the first time in any of my labors, the contractions stopped. I thought to myself that it was strange but then every labor is different. That night they started back. Marty slept about 2 hours before I woke him. I called the doctor then my Mom. Within 30 minutes we were on our way to the hospital.

 When we got there, after a few questions, we were taken back to an observation room. I was getting excited thinking of having a new little one. The nurses were in and out. Finally the doctor came in. They were keeping me. He broke my water but no fluid came out. He did it three times. Something different again. They wheeled me to a birthing rooom and started pictocin. A few hours later, I was delivering our baby. As he was being delivered the doctor said " Your baby has a cleft lip/palate. But don't worry , that can be corrected with surgery". So on Monday, April 28, 1997 at 8:08 a.m. our son was born. He was out but there was no cry. Marty cut the cord and the baby was immediately handed to the nurses.( He was born with meconium poisoning). They suctioned him. After several minutes I asked the doctor, what did we have? He said he didn't know and asked the nurse. "It's a boy!" Unfortunately we had not decided on a boys name yet. By now I heard him crying and I could see him moving. I was somewhat relieved. He measured 20 inches. That's short for our babies. Then she said he weighed 5 pounds and 12 1/2 ounces. I thought, why is he so small for being full term? Finally the nurse had him wrapped up and brought him to us. We held him and kissed him. His little eyes were just looking at us so intently. We prayed for him then the nurse took him. Shortly after, Marty's Dad came. Then the pediatrician came in and said that our son was very sick. They were trying to find out if it was his heart, his lungs or both. They were going to transport him to Carolina's Medical Center(CMC) where they could do more for him. I broke down. I just couldn't understand why this was happening to us. Dad prayed with us. After a while the pediatrician came back in. He said it was the heart. They would bring him by before he was transported so we could see him. I was sitting in a wheelchair by then. I leaned against Marty and cried. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

 I wasn't in the room long when people started coming in. The first two were some good friends who came to pray with us. Then another person came as they were leaving. Then another and another. There was a steady stream of people. But all those people that were coming in were coming to pray for us and our son. God is so good. He knows just what we need.

 They brought Joseph in for us to see before they took him over to CMC. He was in an incubator and hooked up to some machines. We touched him and talked to him. In my heart I was asking God to take care of him. Our pastor was there and asked to pray. He layed his hand on the incubator and lifted up Joseph to the Lord in prayer. It was then time for them to take him to CMC. Marty, his dad, and Pastor Thant McManus rode over to the other hospital to be with Joseph. We had decided that I would spend the night in Concord to rest.

 As people were coming by and calling I kept thinking of Joseph. Was he okay?better? I wanted to hold him and kiss his little cheek. To let him know that his Mommy loved him. Some friends of mine came by that evening to see me. They had some scripture to share. One of the scriptures was Psalm 30:5b,"...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning". Weeks later that scripture really ministered to me.

 That night Marty came back. He and his dad seemed to be encouraged. The pediatric cardiologist had said that the heart problem could be corrected with surgery. He was going to step back and let the neonatologists do their work. The doctor also told Marty that he hated to keep calling the baby, "baby boy Shue", couldn't he pick a name? So Marty chose Joseph. That was a wonderful name. Now we had a name. Our little Joseph. We went to sleep hoping that tomorrow would be a better day.

 We were awakened the next morning by a doctor to check my back from the epidural. We dozed back off only to have my OB-GYN come in to check on me and to release me. We decided to get up and start getting ready. I ate a little breakfast and got in the shower. During that time Marty's parents came. After getting dressed, our pediatrician came in. He said he had talked with the doctors from CMC. They believed that Joseph had something called Trisomy 13. He went on to say that babies born with it usually don't live but a few days. That 95% die before their first birthday. He said that we needed to get to CMC as soon as we could to spend as much time as possible with Joseph. When he left the room we all wept. I thought how could this be happening to us? Dad told us not to doubt. But to be honest at that particular moment I didn't feel like I had any faith in me.

 We quickly got my stuff together and told the nurse we were ready to leave right then. We raced through traffic to get to the hospital. The whole way there I was hoping that things would change. I was hoping that someway he would improve and get better. Finally we were there and Marty took me up to the Neonatal Intensive Care Nursery (NICN). As we walked in Joseph's nurse came up and took us over to him. "Do you want to hold him?" she asked. I nodded yes and someone got a chair for me to sit in. She handed Joseph to me. Oh how good it felt to hold him! He almost immediately opened his eyes and looked at me. As the doctors were talking to us I kept my eyes on Joseph and he was also watching me. As a Mom I wanted so badly to make things better for him. I wanted to take all this mess away but I couldn't. Marty leaned over and spoke to Joseph. When he did Joseph looked right at him recognizing his voice. I know that Monday Marty had spent almost all day talking and touching Joseph. Marty needed that time with him. You know the Mom has nine months to get a headstart on knowing the baby. For nine months Joseph grew inside me. I felt his movements, I talked to him, I "knew" him. Unaware something was wrong.

 As the day progressed I met the people Marty had told me about the night before. Of course Marty's parents were there. Pastor Thant and Pastor Jay had arrived by now. Marty's parents, who had driven us over there, were still there with us so I decided to call my mom. She had our three children. I told here that one of our friends was coming to get the kids so she could come to the hospital. My mom asked if it was bad. I just told her to come and see Joseph.

 Joseph stayed awake almost the whole time we were there. When my mom got there she wanted to hold him so I handed Joseph to her. He looked at her as she talked to him. After a while we noticed his heart rate was going down. Marty said that I should get him as if he sensed something was about to happen. I took him back and we immediately asked the nurse about the heart rate. She said there was nothing they could do that his heart rate would continue to drop and eventually stop. At this point we asked that everyone leave so we could be alone with our son. A doctor came and tried to explain what was going on. As he was talking all I could do was watch the monitor hoping that his heart rate would go back up. Everything seemed to be happening so fast. His heart rate kept getting slower and slower. I leaned down and kissed Joseph and told him that I loved him very much. That he was very special to me. Marty was kissing his head also. The doctor came close to listen to Joseph's heartbeat. I looked and the monitor read 23 beats per minute. The doctor leaned back and turned down the ventilator, listen again, then turned it back up. "His heart has stopped" he said. Marty immediately said "NO!, it hasn't". The doctor replied, "I'm sorry he has passed away". Suddenly I was overwhelmed with a flood of emotion. We both burst out in tears. Our son was that we had waited nine months on was dead. It was 5:15 on Tuesday when Joseph died. Joseph's life lasted 33 hours. I have heard people say "I felt like I would wake up and it would all be a dream". That is exactly how I was feeling. It just didn't seem real.

 We held Joseph Paul for what would be the last time. The nurses were so thoughtful. They took all the monitors off, dressed him, then wrapped him in a blanket. After a while we asked that they get our parents. They came in not knowing he had already died. They quickly realized when they saw us holding Joseph without all the machines being hooked up to him. Marty's dad held Joseph for the first time and the last time. As he held him he wept as did we all. We spent probably an hour holding him and saying goodbye. I didn't want to give him back to the nurse but I knew we had to. I don't know if you can imagine how hard it was to leave that hospital without our son. We had went with the expectations of bringing home our new baby now we were leaving with our arms empty. I remember as we were getting off the elevator a lady, her husband, and two boys walked by. She turned around and said to one of them "Come on Joseph, let's go". My heart sank. Just hearing the name hurt. I would never be able call my son again. It hurt so bad I really can't explain the pain.

 The ride home from the hospital was mostly silent except for the crying. After we got home Marty's mom went to get us something to eat. We didn't feel like eating but I knew we needed to eat something. Next we had to do something very hard. We had to call everyone to let them know that Joseph had gone to be with Jesus. Each time we could barely get the words out of our mouths. It just didn't seem right those words even coming out of my mouth. One of the first persons we called was Marty's grandmother. He told her through much tears. She would never get to see or hold her great-grandson.

 Then the phone started ringing. We finally asked Marty's parents to please answer it for us. Next were visitors. We had people over until after 11:00 p.m. Finally, everyone left and we were all alone. I don't know which was harder talking to all our friends or the loneliness. We tried to get some sleep but couldn't. We ended up talking and crying for over 2 hours. I guess we eventually cried ourselves to sleep. The next morning was difficult. I was up earlier than Marty. I decided to call a close friend that didn't know Joseph had died. She had sat with me at the hospital the day he was born. Marty was up when I got off the phone. I asked the Lord to give us the strength to make it through this day. Marty came in the living room and sat with me. He said he hated getting up and Joseph not being in his room. "I want my son" he said as he began to cry. I realized when I got up that if Joseph would have been there I would have gotten up the night before to nurse him. The morning time seemed to be the hardest. I guess because during the night you are asleep then you wake up and realize what is going on. It hits you hard.

 Later that morning Marty's parents came over. We had to decide on a cemetary and call the funeral home. Before we left to visit the cemetary his parents prayed with us. The cemetary we chose had a specific place for infants. The lady took us down to pick out a plot. We cried as we tried to pick out the spot we wanted. You just don't expect to have to make these decisions after you have a baby. After we got back home Marty's sister and aunt came down. She wasn't supposed to be traveling because she was expecting her baby anytime. He was in fact born the next morning. After lunch we had to go to the funeral home and make arrangements. We picked out the casket, made the arrangements and left.

We came home knowing that our other 3 children were coming home soon. We had to tell them. I really didn't know how they would react. The oldest, Ashley, was 7. I knew she would be upset. The next, Stephen, was 4. I wasn't sure if he would understand or not. The youngest, Caleb, was 2. I knew he wouldn't know what was going on. When Marty saw them through the window he started to cry. I told him to go pull himself together for their sake. It was so good to see them. They had never been away from us for so long. We hugged them and held them for a little while. I tell you, when something like this happens you learn to cherish your children even more. What a priviledge that God has allowed us to be parents. They began to ask about their baby brother so we took them back into our bedroom. Marty started to explain that their brother was born very sick. That there was a lot of things wrong with him. Our daughter started crying then. I think she realized that her brother had died. Marty told them that Joseph was with Jesus in heaven now. At that we all held each other and cried. They had some questions that we tried to answer as best we could. They were glad we were all back at home together. That day seemed to go by so slowly. Off and on all evening people were coming by. We definately had plenty of food. Everyone was so thoughtful. The Lord was using these people to help bear our burden.

 The funeral was on Friday. I dreaded getting ready to go to it. I was so surprised at how many people came. There was a constant stream of people the whole time we were at the funeral home. You just don't realize how many people care about you. Looking back I am amazed at what God has brought us through. He is exactly what you need when you need it.

Philippians 4:7 says, "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." I could sense that peace each day. In our human mind we couldn't possibly understand peace when your child dies. But inside, in my spirit, there was peace in the midst of this terrible storm. I just have to thank the Lord. I could not have come through this in one piece without Him. Neither could my marriage. I read somewhere that 50% of marriages that suffer the loss of a child end in divorce in the five years following. Thankfully our marriage is built on the "Solid Rock" of Jesus. He has sustained us and I am confident He will continue to do so.

 As of writing this it has been 18 months since the blessing of Joseph's life. I continue to pray that the Lord will show me how to use this to help others. I hope this page was a comfort and an encouragement to someone. God is faithful! If He brought us through, He will do the same for you! God bless you.

We will be posting Links to other sites concerning Trisomy 13 and early infant death very soon.
If you would like to get a copy of a helpful book entitled "Morning Will Come",which is published by Caleb Ministries, please e-mail me. This book contains nine stories of women who have lost infant children. It is really a great book. Maybe you would like to get a copy for someone you know who is going through the loss of a child.
We have put this story here in hopes that by doing so we can minister to others. If you have any questions or comments about Joseph, Trisomy 13, or this website please feel free to write. We would love to hear from you.

*Awards*

A special thanks to Sassy
for creating this beautiful graphic!

This My Mom Is A Survivor site is owned by Stephanie Shue. Click here for info on how to join My Mom Is A Survivor Ring.
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