If you were expecting to hear that the darth one was found with a smoking light sabre clutched in his tiny paw, I'm afraid Tavey's last night on earth was nowhere near that exciting. I guess I should have seen this coming but somehow I didn't -- or maybe I did but I just wasn't ready to face it. Tavey was getting quite old (I think) and his health had been deteriorating for some time. For the past 2 months, I had been giving him medication for a chronic heart problem and he seemed to be doing so well on it, that his death this evening, still came as quite a shock.
Now this is the weird part.... Most days, I don't leave work until around 7pm or later and I had originally planned to go to my monthly Amnesty International group meeting straight from work, just as I always do on the 2nd Thursday of the month. That would have meant not getting home until around 10pm. For some strange reason, a little voice inside my head kept urging me not to go. Since I'd started work extra early for a staff meeting, it was telling me that I'd had enough Amnesty International for one day.
At the same time, another little voice kept reminding me how much I enjoy the social aspect and the friendships that I share with the members of my local Amnesty group and how it's really quite a different Amnesty experience from my day to day work. It seemed that the two little voices argued with each other, off and on, all day long (now you know how truly crazy I am!) and when a member of my group phoned in the late afternoon to remind me that we were having a special guest speaker and even offered me a ride, I very nearly gave in to that second little voice!
But, as 4pm drew near, the brilliant sunshine (which is rare in this part of the world) seemed to be beckoning to me. Somehow the thought of walking out into the warm sun, catching the 4pm express bus, and getting home while there was still some sunshine left to enjoy, had a lot of appeal. Then I began to think of all the productive things I could accomplish by getting home early for a change, and the next thing I knew, I was sitting on that bus!
As always, the first thing I did when I got home was pick Tavey up and pet, and cuddle, and make a fuss over him. He wasn't a bundle of energy, but he seemed happy to see me, and I didn't notice anything wrong with him. As usual, he sat on my shoulder, observing with great interest, while I started to prepare us something to eat. Then while our food was cooking, I sat down at the computer to check my email, and as usual, Tavey snuggled into his blanket on the table at the base of the monitor.
About 15 minutes later, it was time to check on our food, so I peeled back Tavey's blanket to pick him up and I could just tell by the way he was lying on his side, so still, completely limp, with his eyes open, that he was gone. Yet he had only just gone, because his little body was still warm and flexible, so warm, that I kept checking and double checking for any possible sign of life. At first I didn't even cry. I just sat there holding him and stroking his fur for a long time. It was like, even though I knew better, I kept hoping he would suddenly spring to life again.
If he had to leave me, he could not have picked a better, more considerate way to do it. I saw no indication that he had experienced any pain or distress and he had not made so much as a tiny squeak. Of all the rats I have come to know and love, he is only the second one who hasn't forced me to make that dreaded decision about euthanasia. (Not once have I ever felt I made that decision at the right time! I always agonize that I've either made the decision too soon, while there might still have been some hope, or that I've left it too late and caused my little friend unnecessary suffering.)
I'm thankful that my adored Tavey took that decision out of my hands and I am grateful that I was able to be there with him at the end. If I had come home at 10pm and found him lying stiff, cold, and alone in a dark cage, then I would have felt REALLY awful....and I feel quite awful enough as it is! I'm sure that my sweet, gentle little Tavey is already playing happily with Tiberius, Livius, Augustus, Julia and all the rest of our former colony, in the meadow by the rainbow bridge, yet I'm still in a pathetic state of pain. Anyone who knows me even slightly, knows how much I adored that little guy... and for anyone who didn't know us....
Tavey was every bit as sweet, cuddly and affectionate as he looks in his pix. Although he was only about 6 months old, and in perfect health, in August of 1998 someone dropped him off at the vet to be euthanized. Luckily, the vet couldn't bring herself to do it, and called me instead! It was a lucky day for both of us, and I can't emphasize that strongly enough! Tavey's arrival brought my steadily declining rat population back up to 5, but since ratties don't live forever, one by one the others left to play in the meadow by the rainbow bridge, leaving Tavey to enjoy being my spoiled "only rat", and constant companion, for most of this past year. He was a truly great little ratty. I already miss him so much! I feel so lost and alone without him! I honestly don't know what else I can say. :-(