There is no true "one accepted way" that every one agrees on.
The only thing I've seen everyone agree on is that they do need washed...and that you need some sort of detergent/soap to aid in washing
I'll outline my way for you, and add what goes in each step with optional stuff and an explanation.

Soiled

1. Prewash cold(usually just plain water, I didn't toilet dunk/swish, but now that my son's BM's are more formed I've been shaking them out over the toilet--totally optional in my opinion, a must in others opinions.
   Optional: soap/detergent, vinegar, or baking soda/washing soda...if they seem especially stinky I use vinegar)
2. Warm wash(detergent/soap, and vinegar in a downey ball. The downey ball is more convinence, I was just dumping in about 1/2-1 cup of vinegar in the rinse but found I missed it more times then not. If I use detergent/soap in the prewash I use less in this wash. If not, I find 1/4 the recommended amount(per detergent company) enough to get them clean with out excess amounts left in the fabric. If I'm using my soap recipe/grated soap I use about 1/2 cup.
   Optional: baking soda/washing soda...about 1/2-1 cup.
3. Optional: Hot wash, either clear water or warm water rinse. If diapers still smell this is a must, also if you have rashing problems either a clear rinse or vinegar rinse.

Wet Only:
Same as above minus the prewash. I sometimes soak them in vinegar water beside the machine while the soiled diapers are washing, especially if they smell strong. ie. its been a few days since the last wash.

Ingredients for washing:
Detergent:
If you and yours aren't allergic to detergents try using the one you normally use for baby's clothing. That should work just fine. I prefer dye free, perfume free for no particular reason. I found that making my own soap recipe(using a comercially available bar soap) cheaper then buying liquid laundry detergent.
Baking soda:
(sodium bicarbonate, NaHCO3) Usually readily available in grocery stores. Less effective then washing soda, but has soo many other uses out side of the laundry.
Washing soda:
(sodium carbonate Na2CO3.10H2O) Stronger cousin of baking soda. Not as readily available in some areas. Acts as a water softner, and laundry booster. Found in most(but not all) grocery stores.
Borax:
Seems too harsh for regular use. Found in most areas in the laundry aile of grocery stores. Definitly not my 1st or 3rd choice for laundry, even tho its what my mother has used for years.
ON TO: Recipe for making laundry soap How to care for your wool soaker