Moving On

My name is Bobbie. I lost my husband on June 10, 1998. Bob had been an alcoholic and knew that he should stop drinking. I can remember his saying that he was afraid if he were to stop drinking now he would die!!!!

Moving on After the Death of a Spouse is never an easy or quick thing to do!! For the most part, people do not realize or understand all the WIDOWED has to go through each and every day. Most people lack the understanding and compassion dealing with the widowed!! One of the normal comments people tend to say is, "GET OVER IT and MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE"!!!! They can not understand why you are not ready to go on after a few days, weeks or even months as if nothing has happened. They fail to realize that your life has been torn to shreds and it is not easy to put it back together. It is hard to try and find just where you and your life fit in. Sometimes you feel like you do not belong. Especially when you see people happy and laughing, with their loved ones. It is my feeling that the only way people will fully understand the WIDOWED, is for them to have to experience it first hand. That is something I would not wish on my worse enemy, if I had one!!!
Don't get me wrong, it does my heart good to see others happy and in love, yet it breaks my heart! For it is a reminder that Bob is no longer here with me!!! Yes, I still love and miss him. He will always be a part of my life, for he will live on (in my heart)!! You see, it is my belief that GOD gave Bob a part of my heart and that will always be his until the day I die.
For me, it is time to try and move on with my life and find out just where I belong in this world and what is in store for me. That does not mean that I have forgotten Bob or that i have stopped loving him. For that will never happen. But I know he would not want me to continue morning his death, he would want me to continue Living, Loving & Laughing!!!! He had always said I was strong enough to over come anything. I know that he would want me to find someone and to be happy again.
I hope and pray that Bob would be proud of all i have managed to do and all the obstacle I have overcome. I hope he would be happy that I contined playing darts, as it was one of the many things we loved doing together!!! I know he is with me, in spirit and is trying to lead me down this long and lonely path. But at least it does not seem so long now, for I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Knowing Bob like I did, I am glad that it was me that was left behind! Because I do not feel he would have been strong enough to deal with the everyday grief and all that goes with it. One good thing is that he is no longer suffering and is free from all pain!!!!
July 1999