What do you see nurses? What do you see? I'll tell you who I am, as I sit here so still. At 40, my young sons, near grown will be gone. I remember the joys, I remember the pain, So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,
What are you thinking when you're looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with far away eyes.
Who dribbles her food, and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice, "I wish you'd try."
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe.
Who unresisting, or not, lets you do as you will,
When bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.
Is that what you are thinking, is that what you see?
You are not looking at me.
As I drink at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of 10, with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters who love one another.
A young girl of 16, with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at 20, my heart gives a leap!
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.
At 25 now, I have young of my own
Who need me to build a secure, happy home.
A woman of 30, my young now grow fast,
Bound to each other, with ties that should last.
But my man stays beside me, to see I don't mourn.
At 50, once more, babies play round my knee.
Again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead.
I look to the future, and shudder with dread.
For my young are all busy rearing young of their own.
And I think of the years, and the love that I've known.
I'm an old woman now, and nature is cruel,
It's her jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,
There now is a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass, a young girl still dwells,
And now and again, my battered heart swells.
And I'm loving and living life over again.
I think of the years, all too few ~ gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact, that nothing can last.
Not a crabby old woman, look closer ~ see ME!
As I was typing this, it brought back memories of a patient I once took care of. She had cancer and was on the oncology ward at a local hospital. She was in no way 'crabby', but I remember catching her 'daydreaming' quite often, maybe reflecting back on her life. I remember one day as I went in to do final rounds for the day, she asked me for a favor. She wanted me to bring some hair removal with me the following day and remove the few facial hairs that grown with her lengthy hospital stay. This was extremely important to her, I assured her I would. When I returned to work the next day, I went to her room and assured her that I had remembered and that we would put it to use in a short time. Later that evening, as promised, we performed the task. Toward the end of the shift, my patient put on her call light and asked for something to write on and a pen. I got them for her and left the room, she looked fine. A while later one of the nurse aide's summoned me to her room, STAT! My patient had died. She had pen and paper in hand and had started writing a thank you letter. She thanked several people and to my surprise the very last person was "Janna for bringing the hair remover". Her letter ended there, unfinished. This event happened several years ago, but I remember it well. I was filled with joy. I will always remember her, she taught me one of life's most important lessons, as a nurse and as a person.