Parenting Tips

Below, you'll find:

	Essential Tool recommendations to make your job easier
	Essential Justification for needing those tools
	Essential Mindsets I constantly use (sometimes out loud!)
	Anything else that may have something to do with parenting

I hope these tips help you to be a better parent - God knows we could all use a little help! Lisa is a voracious reader, researcher, and shopper, and she found a lot of these useful items. Also, since we are soon to be Aunt & Uncle, we dedicate this to my brother, sister-in-law, and their son-to-be. We love you.

A Little about Our Kids

No such conveyance of sage advice would be complete without pictures of the kids!

One of Rachel's many self portraits (Mar 9 2004) Rachel was born in December, 1998. She came 2 1/2 months early, and has been messing up our schedules ever since! She is very strong-willed, stubborn, has a mind of her own, and is extremely bright. Her vocabulary is astounding. At a very early age, she fell in love with Disney stuff. Around 3 years old, her favorite movie was Mary Poppins (2 1/2 hours!), and she watched it sometimes 2 or 3 times a day for months, start to finish (we estimate about 250 times). Around 3 1/2 or 4, she grew tired of little kids' stories, and wanted us to read the Magic Treehouse books, which are 10 chapters, geared towards 8-year-olds. She now has the entire collection, some 30 books or so, and enjoys other chapter stories.

Jeremy "Too Cool" Mar 3 2004 Jeremy was born toward the end of 2001, and what with pre-term labor and 6 times going back to the hospital because the contractions were "5 minutes apart and strong," he started life as a trumpernik (Jewish for trouble maker) since before he was born. He has always had a sense of humor and timing, since about 30 minutes after he was born, when his Grandma made some remark and he sighed with what we swore was a response to it. At the age of 1, at his second seder, after we read a passage from the haggadah, he remarked "Oh." Now, he has a mischievous smile as he waddles around the house, intentionally "going down the list" of don'ts and doing each one just to see if he can get your ire. Some of his trademark sayings are, "Oh!" (as in now I understand), "Moo" for moon, "boo boo" as he points to the same spot on his finger for the past 2 months, and, of course, that smile. He loves Elmo, choo choo trains, and definitely babies.

As much trouble as both kids are, they are 1,000 times more joyful. We could not imagine our life without them! Leaving them overnight at the grandparents' house is bittersweet.

Essential Tools

Here are some great things we have used, and we think every parent could get something from:

Tot Lok from Safety 1st - these beautiful little gadgets are worth their price! Typical cabinet securing gear is a spring-fed latch that allows the cabinet to partially open. These also leave open the possibility of smashed fingers, and they eventually break. Plus, in some cases they allow the kid to reach in the gap and get small items. The Tot Lok, on the other hand, is a semicircular latch that snugly closes the door. It is released with a magnetic "key", when you stick it over the spot you installed the latch, it clicks open. Although these are about $5 per lock, they never break, and have gone through 2 children and 2 houses. (Plus, the magnets make great refrigerator holders!) This has enabled us to actually get something done without keeping the kids from dangerous kitchen gear, or having to clean up a mess of plastic dishes afterward. They are available from most children's stores (Babies R Us, Toys R Us, some hardware stores, etc.).

Locking electrical outlet covers - if your kids are anything like ours, they are curious and innovative. They figured out almost immediately how to take those flat plastic plug covers out (like this one or this). We found ones that require a 3-fingered technique to remove them (they work for outlets you are constantly plugging & unplugging, like in the kitchen), from Safety 1st and from Parents Magazine (Item #30702, but couldn't find any web references). Also, the ones where you replace the outlet cover (and here) and screw onto the outlet work pretty well. There is one that covers the entire outlet and plugs, preventing the kids from pulling the plugs out. Although it is a major pain to get on and off, it works. Put it where you have lamps and such.

VCR lock saves the machine. Oh, and especially for boys, keep those tapes out of reach.

Skip Doctor MD - If you own any DVD's or CD's, I can pretty much guarantee the kids will scratch them. Computer games that no longer work are really frustrating for them and for you, and when they get into your $30 copy of Lord of the Rings Extended Edition 4-disc set and it is no longer viewable, you're sure to be unhappy at the least. Forget anything else you may find out there - if you have to do it by hand, it is a complete waste of money. All the video rental stores use Skip Doctor products from Digital Innovations, LLC. Basically, they have 3 products that are marketed under a variety of names. The Skip Dr/Game Dr/CD Dr is a manual crank drive, but it is cheap. I have had first-hand testimony that it works. However, Skip Dr MD is motorized, not much more ($40 - $60 on the Internet), and I know first-hand it works. Skip Dr Pro is for larger volume and deeper scratches, but is up around $70 to $90.

Toilet lock, or even better (and cheaper overall), doorknob covers on the whole bathroom! Don't forget to keep bathroom doors closed.

Baby Gates - maybe a cliché, but a must! A few tips:

	Don't use wooden ones if you have a dog, since he'll chew them up and leave splinters
	If you buy used, make sure there are no cracked or broken components. If it is tensioned, make sure it keeps its tension.
	When installing a tensioned gate, make sure it is difficult for an adult to remove. Keep fiddling with it until you get it right. Remember, a little impatience on your part could be paid back with a child tumbling down the stairs.

Car Seats are a big hassle! There are really no guidelines as to which models fit in which make of a vehicle. Federal guidelines state that, once installed, you should not be able to move the seat more than 1 inch (2.5 cm) to either side. I highly recommend you ask at the store their return policy. If they don't allow one, then borrow a floor model from the store, take it out to your vehicle, and try to install it. (Hey, if the store won't let you do it, they don't need your business.)

For Seatbelt installations, you have 2 types of seatbelts. Either way, it is fun to try to thread the seatbelt through the holes in the back of the seat!

	The locking kind - pull your seatbelt all the way out, and slowly let it retract. If it starts clicking, and won't pull back out while retracting, it locks. These are the easiest to install.
	The other kind - if it doesn't lock, you will need to install the retainer clip on the seat belt to lock it. It is shaped like a fancy H; thread both sides of the strap (both before & after the seat belt buckle clip) through the retainer clip to keep it from retracting.

The latch installations are by far the easiest - if your car has a latch anchor, consider yourself fortunate. Most new vehicles have such a system.

You will have to kneel on the seat to put all your weight on it to tighten the belt that last bit (have a big guy do it if you mothers are having trouble).

Don't get frustrated, and by all means, don't settle for "good enough" - is it really good enough in the event of an accident?

If you really can't get the seat installed (not too hard to believe!), go to your local Department of Public Safety office (Police). They are always glad to help.

If you are buying a new car seat (in a box, from the store), make double-sure you check for product safety recalls. The stores don't always catch them, and ultimately they are not responsible for it.

If you are buying a used car seat, make triple-sure you check for product safety recalls. Also, ask how old the seat is. If it is more than 5 years old, you shouldn't buy it no matter what. How much money is your kids' safety worth? If it has ever been in an accident, no matter what kind (bump into a tree, fender bender, or worse), manufacturers suggest you throw it out and replace it. The thing is, you can't always tell whether it is stressed or could break in the next accident.

We found a great booster seat that rotates into 3 or 4 positions - reclining to upright. It straps to a chair, is lightweight and portable, and has a detachable tray & detachable padding for easy cleaning. We have wandered everywhere in this thing, from foldable chairs at the grandparents' house to restaurants and armchairs, it works very well. For about $25, it won't break the bank, either.

Baby Monitor - oh, yeah, see if you can get one that the receiver can plug into the wall for power. Those 9 volt batteries last pretty long, but if you are sitting in once place for a while, no use paying Duracell more than you need to (no offense, my friends in Connecticut!).

The Internet! By all means, get a computer (used, a couple of years old, you could probably buy one for about $100 or so), there are free or very cheap dial-up services, or if you have the means, get high speed Internet and a top-of-the-line bit buster. You could always go to your public library, but then you are restricted to their hours of operation. Either way, the Internet is open 24 hours a day, and web sites rarely give you lip about your questions or persistence.

	Consumer Product Safety Commission - a US government web site devoted to product testing and recall information could save your or your child's life
	Internet Auctions - E-Bay, Yahoo Auctions, Amazon, and others provide a great way to buy (or sell) new & used goods. You can put your bid in, and if the price gets too high, you can bow out. Buyers usually get what they want, though. A good way to save money if you don't get caught up in a bidding war and can control that mouse clicker!
	When in doubt, Google it! (That's my phrase I just coined.) The best search engine on the net, includes alternate spellings.

Wrist Strap Leash - Why do you put a leash on a pet? To keep it safe. For parents with more than one child ("real" parents according to Bill Cosby's Himself routine), can you afford divided attention when the consequences could be a hurt, kidnapped, or dead child? Especially with our headstrong daughter, we have had to use a leash that straps to her wrist to keep her from running off in a big department store or into the street or parking lot.

Grandparents - since my Brother lives in Denver, and my sister in LA, they don't have the benefits of these. But, they are about to learn the lack. For sanity's sake, give the kids to your parents for a day, or overnight. Take some time for yourself now & then, to recharge and get out among adults, or just to be by yourself (blessed silence). Grandparents don't have to be related - they could be adopted. Depends on how cute your kids are, I guess

Costco Membership - talk about excellent value! Our kids are also Costco addicts. With the money and time we save buying at warehouse prices (and in larger quantities in some situations), it is worth it. You need to be very careful about impulse buying, because Costco's marketing strategy is to have limited-time product offerings at bargains you "just can't pass up!" If you need to, pass them up.

Medical Flex Spending Account - see if your company participates in such a thing, especially if you are planning on having your first kid. With this plan, you set aside how much money you want (say, $1,500 per year), and it gets taken out of your paycheck pre-tax. When you buy anything medical-related (over-the-counter drugs like Infant's Acetominephin (Tylenol), cough medicine, copays not covered by insurance, etc.) you submit your receipts, or in some cases can pay with a special debit card. The money gets taken out pre-tax, so you don't pay income taxes on it. If you pay about 30% income taxes, $1,500 per year saves you $500 in taxes. The catch is, whatever you don't use by the end of the year, you lose. However, you can do things like get a new pair of glasses at the end of the year to use up that money. The amount you take out is up to you. With one kid in speech therapy, and a third on the way, we know we can use up $3,500 in no time. Kids support pediatricians. They may even support adult psychiatrists!

Essential Mindsets

I use this constantly to keep my blood pressure under control. Hope you find something useful; some are tongue-in-cheek:

	Remember, it's their JOB to drive you crazy!
	It's adults against the kids - are you going to let them win?
	That's the stage they are in - they are learning the limits, and it is your job to teach them the limits (patiently, of course).
	If I were to look back on this event a week / month / years from now, would I still be upset, or laughing, or kicking myself for not getting a picture? Get the camera, you dope!

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