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 "but
why? who wants to know?"
and more to
the point, who cares?
Ever since I woke up from a nightmarish
dream to find myself back into the world of the 'single
being' or 'being single', one of the few 'pleasures'
which couldn't wait to outlive its welcome is TIME. I
remember bitchin' often, about having no time for
anything--to take a vacation, to read a good book, and
much less, time for exploring something new--like
learning the workings of the Internet and 'surf ' the
'Web'. In spite of having spent 20 years in the
information system industry, I was dangerously ignorant
of (what was then, and still is) a quickly emerging
technology.
But.
Before I mislead you into thinking that
I got divorced to pursue another interest, let me just
say unequivocably, that I would gladly give these all up,
to get all of what I had back. But fate seems to have
other designs on my life--although at this juncture, I am
confused and totally in the dark about what it is. But in
the mean time, I have plenty of time--to create a web
page like this, or to join a bunch of discussion groups
and chat rooms (Yuck!), answer my e-mails (can you
believe it?), and yes even time to get bored.
If necessity is the mother of
invention, I'm sure boredom must play a major role in the
re-inventing of one's self.
I seem to recall that the last time I
had this much time on my hands was when I was a kid
growing up in the ghettos of Tondo, a squatter-built
community in the heart of Metro-Manila,  the largest city in the PHILIPPINES, a beautiful country comprised of over 7,000
islands. (If you got some time--click and let me beam you
back to the original Islands, man!). Back then, poverty was the teacher
which molded my instinct for survival. There were those
of us who yearned to escape our surroundings--a constant
reminder of our limitations, a black hole which sucked up
the energy and life out of many of my childhood friends.
Thinking back now, I was raised in a scaled-down, but
real-world version of 'DOOM'(the title is the ending),
and I vividly remember the few times when I dreamt of
escaping into another world, and back then it was an
extra-terrestrial world, where every one was FREE, and
everything was abundant, and accessible to all. 'Virtual
World' or 'Cyber Space' hadn't even been thought of yet.
But in retrospect, they've become the kind of worlds
which I dreamed about--one which I had accepted to exist
only in my mind, my imagination--a world very much like
the World Wide Web, the cyberspace, of which I find
myself today....A little weird at first, but when you
start to realize what this new world is all about, the
kind of freedom it offers, (or at least an escape to
those self-imprisoned souls), then you too, can find some
measure of fulfillment which only a voyage of discovery
can provide....
If it was FATE at work then, I might be
forced to conclude that my life would seem predetermined,
and in spite of the best of intentions and planning,
nothing would change the course and direction of my life
until it meets with its eventual destiny. My efforts
would be just like one of my favorite games when I was a
kid--'Pinning the Tail on the Donkey'.
Sucked
in Z Chicken's A--hole
I might just as well be pissing against
the wind!
Bullshit.
That's exactly how I feel about that.
When I was a little kid, my mother used to tell me that
the little moles on my feet meant that I was going to far
away places. And I remembered looking up at the stars
whenever she would say that. I also knew I was smarter
than a lot of the kids. A lot smarter. I had finished
first in every grade in every school which I had
attended. And won most every academic contest and honors.
The beginnings of a plan was taking shape. I joked about
it -- "If the Americans have 'Astronauts' and
Russians have 'Cosmonauts', well, I could just very well
be the first Filipino 'Coconaut'"!
Growing up with success.... graduated
valedictorian, a full scholar, and varsity skipper of the
volleyball team--my failure to accomplish that goal threw
me into a precipitous spiral....It was my wake up call--I
realized that I had failed to take a required subject....
Disappointments 101.
(Didn't you ever wonder about the numbers?) . . .Now, if
you have been through this class, you know that the
lessons here are learned only one way--the hard way. You
don't listen how it's done, you got to do it your way....
It is where a passing grade is a failing grade. And that
the only way to pass is if you failed--but had checked
your ego at the door.
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