As the days past, Michaela went deeper and deeper into depression. She wept for her child and for herself, but mostly, she wept for Sully. In her eyes, she would never be able to give Sully the one thing he wanted..a son. She was a failure. She would never have another child, even if the doctor insisted she could. To her, life as a mother was over. Michaela couldn't even see that Katie needed her. All she could see was her failure as Sully's wife. Eventually, she hit rock bottom. Michaela's feelings of failure as a wife and mother took over. She could see the look of disgust every time someone in her family looked at her. It was as if they were saying "You failed us. We don't need you anymore." So she packed come clothes and some food and left. She wasn't sure where she was headed, she simply got on Flash and rode away.
Michaela had been hiding her feeling from everyone. She smiled and laughed as if not one bad thought ever crossed her mind. Everone of her friends and family members thought that she was fine. They were so glad that she was handling the miscarriage well.
The day Dr. Mike left Sully had takedn Brian and Katie fishing. Wanting to spend the rest of the day with his wife, he dropped the kids off at Matthew's and headed home with a picnic lunch from Grace's.
At the homestead, Sully found the note that Michaela had left. It said:
"Dear Sully,
I can't push aside my feelings any more. I can't continue to live with the constant reminders of my failures. I have caused nothing but pain in your life. I can't do that to you anymore. I love you too much to see you suffer. I hope that one day, you will see that I never meant any of it. I tried to be a good wife but ultimately, I failed, just as I have failed as a mother, I know that since the miscarriage you have seen me as a failure.The one thing you wanted in life, a son, was the one thing I couldn't give you. I'm sorry that I have failed as a wife and mother. I'm leaving you so that you can find another wife who will be able to have your children. Take care of Katie and tell her I'm srry. I've failed her too. I know you won't come after me. I haven't seen that look of love in your eyes since we lost the baby. All I see is the resentment. the desire for me to be gone. Now you get your wish. I will leave and won't come back..ever. You'll be better off without me. That's what everyone has been thinking these last few days. Life will be better if I'm not there. Please understand that I never meant to hurt you. But now that I have, I must leave. I must live my life alone, without anyone to hurt.
I will always love you, I only wish you loved me back. Michaela
As sully read those words, tears stung his eyes. How could his wife feel like this? He loved her more than life itself. yes, he was hurt that they had lost another child, but that never changed the way he felt about her. He would love her even if they never had any children. Sully couldn't understand why Michaela felt like a failure. He thought back over the last few days. He tried to remember if he ahd said anything that could make her think like this. Nothing came to mind,
Sully quickly decided that he had to go after his wife. Somehow, he would find her and make her realize that nothing has changed. That she had not failed anyone and that he still loved her. He went straight to the train station. Horace insisted that Dr. Mike hadn't bought a train ticket. He hadn't see her at all that day.
After making sure Matthew and Brian would watch Katie and Grace and Robert E. would help, Sully went back to the homestead to look for clues as to where Michaela had gone. In the barn, he discovered that Flash was gone. Outside he found horse prints in the mud. he began to follow Flash's prints. Sully thanked God that the ground was soft, leaving perfect tracks to follow.
Sully caught up with Michaela when she stopped for the night near the base of Pike's Peak. She sat by a fire she had made and stared into the flames. It was as if her mind was gone. Sully approached her carefully "Michaela..."
She jumped up, surprised to see anyone, let alone Sully. "What are you doing here?" she asked.
"I came ta bring ya home. Michaela, I love you."
"No, you don't. You don't love me and you don't need me. please just leave me. You'll be better off."
He argued iwth her for awhile, but it was obvious that she would not be convinced of his love that easily. He left, but not without a plan. He was scared to leave her alone so he stayed camped nearby where she wouldn't know he was there. He wrote her a letter. When Michaela was asleep, he placed it in her saddle bag. He thought that if she saw how much he loved her, she would snap out of it and come home.
When Michaela woke the next morning, she quickly packed up. She was determined to get as far from Colorado as possible, as quickly as possible. When she went to place the matches in her saddle bag, she found the letter from Sully. It said:
To my loving wife, Michaela
I must be crazy now. Maybe I dream too much. But when I think of you, I long to feel your touch. I want to whisper in your ear words that are as old as time, words only you would hear. I will love you all of my days. That is a promise I made to you, and I will never take back that promise. Michaela, I love you. Please come home and say you love me too. Love, Sully
For a moment, Michaela wanted to find Sully and run into his arms. But then her mind returned to those feelings of failure. She assumed that Sully was still around, but she couldn't see him, asleep in the woods.
"Let me go!" she cried. "This is for the best! Why are you still in my heart, still in my soul?! Let me go, please!" She saddled Flash and was off again.
By the time Sully woke, Michaela was gone. He cursed himself for oversleeping. he immediately began searching for prints, but couldn't find any. Wolf couldn't even pick up her scent. Knowing that he wasn't getting anywhere, Sully headed back to town. He sent a wire to every train station around. He figured that Michaela couldn't ride forever. She would eventually get a train to wherever she was going. He assumed that she would go to Boston, so he sent word to Rebecca about what had happened. He didn't want Mrs. Quinn worrying, so he asked her to keep quiet. Sully knew that Rebecca could be trusted.
Sully couldn't think of anythign else to do. There was no way he could find her, not knowing which direction to go. It would be impossible to search everywhere. Instead he waited for someone to spot her at a station. He hated giving up, not going out himself,but he knew it was for the best.
After two days, Sully knew that he couldn't just sit and wait. He had to do something to find his wife. He began searching every train station and hospital from Colorado to Massachusetts. Everyday he would wire home to check for word.
Ond day a telegram came from Michaela's friend Miriam.
Continued