| Turn-offs This section will be a gamble, I can almost feel it coming. To risk letting the opposite sex know what about their behavior might bother me. My only hope is that the majority will not try to eliminate me from this planet and those remaining might understand and become at the least, good friends. Male Bashing Especially the commercials on television these days that seem to think that this is a new sport. I think mutual respect does a lot more for relationships than treating your partner like a fool. I also think the "War of the Sexes" only brings out the worst in both sides. As a girl once told me, "We all have faults, there is no sense in pointing them out." Phrases like: "I've got him trained." or "I think he's trainable." For those who enjoy using those phrases, I think there is a dark side to that kind of humor which simply makes me uncomfortable. After being on this planet for 40 years now I don't consider myself a pet, nor am I interested in being changed or "trained". I can laugh at myself, but not when someone is trying to cut me down or control me. Jealousy: I think jealousy is the actual root of all evil, not money. "Drama" or "Play Fighting" Especially in public or in front of friends - Arguing because it's percieved as "cute". I think it's silly and unnecessary, and quite possibly practice for the big arguments to come. I believe those "play arguments" are part of a struggle for power in the relationship. I'm not looking for a power struggle. In my relationships I'm looking for straightforward communication, honesty and mutual respect, among other things. I think any problem should be directly addressed. If that can't be done in person then I think writing it down is an option. We tend to choose our words more carefully when writing. If someone resorts to "Play-fighting" to address a "problem", I suspect manipulation to win a weak argument. If it turns into a real argument and withholding affections are brought into this equation, forget about it... you've sealed the fate of the relationship. Exaggerating: I can be sensitive to phrases that begin with "You always..." or "You never...", especially when they are directed at me. Handyman? Not! If you're looking for a mechanic, deck builder, mover, landscaper, etc. please check the yellow pages. (I have a brother who owns a granite countertop business if you're needing a marble staircase.) I choose not to do any of those things for anyone within at least the first year of a relationship, much less on the first few dates. I'm just not that kind of guy! No, seriously I've actually had people try to corner me into doing stuff like this for them shortly after meeting them, so please don't happen to have that kind of stuff ready for me to do if/when we meet. Take care of your personal business first, then we can meet for coffee or something. Besides, none of those activities are in my "keywords" as items I would be even remotely interested in doing within the first week. A relationship can be simple or complex. I would prefer to keep it simple, but somehow it always becomes complex. The variables can be overwhelming. Some have said that I seem to be leaning toward the "cynical" and "pessimistic". I like to use the term "enlightened". When I was a young man, I didn't see much coming. But now at middle age, I can see things coming from miles away. Unfortunately that confuses and frustrates alot of people. |
| Online Dating Etiquette: I know there aren't any hard-fast rules on how we should behave online, but I don't think it should be much different than how we should behave in public. For example: Polite, considerate, respectful, etc. I'm human and I have feelings. I appreciate being treated with respect and I don't mind doing the same for you. There are some creeps out there, I know. (Both male and female!) Sometimes you may think a wall is necessary. I can understand that. I consider myself someone who has manners. I don't play any games. My major weakness is probably that I can be honest to a fault, and sometimes it may appear brutal. As the saying goes, "Sometimes the truth hurts." I don't like to waist time getting to the point. Some people on the other hand enjoy "the chase", "the games", "the dance", etc. I'm aware of this fact, but "it takes two to tango." A little of this is bearable, but it can get out of hand quickly causing a lot of unnecessary confusion. I guess what I'm trying to say is, as long as there is mutual respect, honesty, and reciprocation in a relatively timely fashion, the online experience and anything that follows should be enjoyable. If you're not getting the results you want, consider using these methods yourself. |