If a quote is a link, click it to download a sound file of it. If the link no longer works, click here to E-Mail me.
"Hi! Remember me?
The cat with the tail?
It's getting so long
It's becoming a jail!"
-The Wubblous World of Dr. Seuss
"I'm tryin' to think but nothin' happens!"
-Curly
The Three Stooges
"I am a HAL... 9000 computer."
-Hal
2001: A Space Odyssey
"I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."
-Hal
2001: A Space Odyssey
I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen."
-Hal
2001: A Space Odyssey
"Hahahahehe! Oh boy! That tickles!"
-Tickle-Me Elmo
"You are a TOY! You aren't the real Buzz Lightyear! You're, oh, you're an action figure! You... are a child's play-thing!!!"
-Tom Hanks
Woody in Toy Story
"Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics; I can assure you that mine are still greater."
-Albert Einstein
"'Daddy,' [Matilda] said, 'do you think you could buy me a book?'
'A book?' he said. 'What d'you want a flaming book for?'
'To read, Daddy.'
'What's wrong with the telly, for heaven's sake? We've got a lovely telly with a twelve-inch screen and now you come asking for a book! You're getting spoiled, my girl!'"
-Roald Dahl's Matilda
"It's a pleasant thing to talk with you."
-Sandra Smith
"You've got a voice like a DJ!"
-David Jones
Oldies 107.9 DJ referring to me
"If anyone asks, you didn't get this here."
-Gun shop owner
Jumanji
"My idea of a perfect school... is one that has no children at all. One of these days I shall start up a school like that. I think it will be very successful."
-Ms. Trunchbull
Roald Dahl's Matilda
"Human salamanders The highest dry-air temperature endured by naked men in US Air Force experiments in 1960 was 400° [degrees] F., and by heavily clothed men 500° [degrees] F. (Steaks require only 325° [degrees] F. to cook.) Temperatures of 284° [degrees] F. have been found quite bearable in saunas."
-Guinness Book of Records 1993
"Ouch. That hurt. Better be going now."
-Palmer M. Smith
"How does that make your wallet rumble?"
-Jackleen Natla
Tomb Raider
"There's a sucker born every minute."
-P.T. Barnum
"Gooood Morning Vietnam!"
-Robin Williams
Good Morning Vietnam
"Aspirins are packed in childproof containers, but bullets just come in a box."
-Jay Leno
"240k ought to be enough for anybody."
-Bill Gates
"What a pleasant dilemma it is to live in planet of plenty."
-Mina Walther in a newspaper article
"Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient and the world will follow our lead into the future."
-Adolf Hitler, 1935
"Well what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today!"
-Bill Murray
Groundhog Day
"Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?"
-Monty Python and the Quest For the Holy Grail
As requested by Sherri Griscavage
"We are the knights who say... NI!"
-Monty Python and the Quest For the Holy Grail
As requested by Sherri Griscavage
"Due to some violent content, parental discretion is advised."
-Mr. Censor, the TV guy
"Jimmy!"
-Preston A. Smith
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