Hey all
u awesome canadians!!!! :)
SIGNS THAT YOU MAY BE CANADIAN
- You stand in "line-ups"
at the movie, not lines
- You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk"
- You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a
serviette, I
just spilled my poutine"
- You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
- You drink pop, not soda.
- You know what it means to be on pogey.
- You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp,
eh!!"
- You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
- You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
- You don't care about the fuss with Cuba, it's a cheap place
to travel
with good cigars and no Americans.
- You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
- Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
- You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
- You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
- You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
- Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores
at
christmas.
- You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste
like soap".
- You know that Mounties "don't always look like that"
- You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
- You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
- You are excited whenever an American television show mentions
Canada.
- You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo"
- You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off
the air.
- You know what a tuque is.
- You admit Rich Little is Canadian and you're glad Jerry Lewis
is not.
- You know Toronto is not a province.
- You never miss "Coaches Corner".
- You know all the words to "If I Had a Million Dollars"
- You know who Ernie Coombs is.
- You remember when Alanis Morisette was "Too Hot To Hold".
- You have memorised the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments,
including your favourites, "I smell burnt toast, Doctor",
"You all know I canna read a word..." and "Kanata".
- You spend sleepless nights wondering if Peter Mansbridge and
Wendy
Mesley will ever find again the blissful love they once knew.
- You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet, because you
can really use more change (You are already wearing your pants
halfway down your ass and the hair and three layers of skin is
worn off
the front of your thighs from carrying your pocket money a around).
The new coin should have a picture of a musk-ox on it and be the
size of a hamburger pattie and have fifteen different kinds of
metals in it, including poutine.
- You know Ashley MacIssac isn't Celtic enough.
- Your backpack has only one Canadian flag sew-on.
- You have been on Speaker's Corner.
- You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in
the
missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
- You remember "Jodie" from "Today's Special"
and wonder why she reads news on CBC.
- You wonder idly if there is some government cover-up of a covert
operation behind shifting the shooting location of "X-Files"
from British Columbia to California.
- You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few
weeks early.
- You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is
one meter
above the ground.
- The local paper covers national news on 2 pages, but requires
6 pages for hockey.
- You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter, and
Construction.
- You understand the Labatt Blue commercials
- You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night
in Canada"
On the sixth
day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am
going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding
natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of
mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful
with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs
over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and
rivers stocked with salmon."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to
make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians,
and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."
"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you
are being too generous to these Canadians?"
"Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the
neighbours I am going to give them."
Funny Jokes
In a train car there
were a Canadian, an American, a spectacular looking blonde and
a frightfully awful looking lady. After several minutes of the
trip the train happened to pass through a dark tunnel, and the
unmistakable sound of a slap was heard. When they left the tunnel,
the American had a big red slap mark on his cheek.
1) The blonde thought
- "That American jerk wanted to touch me and by mistake,
he must have put his hand on the other lady, who in turn must
have slapped his face"
2) The ugly lady
thought - "This dirty old American laid his hands on the
blonde and she smacked him".
3) The American thought
- "That dang Canadian put his hand on that blonde and by
mistake she slapped me".
4) The Canadian thought
- "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can
smack that stupid American again".
Definition of an
American
A first grade teacher
explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students
to raise their hands if they were American too. Not really knowing
why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode
into the air like flashy fireworks. There is, however, one exception.
A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher
asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I
am not an American." "Then", asks the teacher,
"What are you?" "I'm a proud Canadian," boasts
the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face
slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian. "Well,
my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too." The
teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly.
"What if your mom was a moron and your dad was a moron. What
would you be then? " A pause and a smile. "Then,"
says Kristen, "I'd be an American."
I Am Canadian!!!
<clears throat>
Hey.
I'm not a lumberjack,
or a fur trader...
and I don't live in an igloo
or eat blubber, or own a dogsled...
and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada,
although I'm certain they're really, really nice.
I have a Prime Minister,
not a President.
I speak english and french,
NOT american.
and I pronouce it 'ABOUT',
NOT 'A BOOT'.
I can proudly sew
my country's flag on my backpack.
I believe in peace keeping, NOT policing.
DIVERSITY, NOT assimilation,
AND THAT THE BEAVER IS A TRULY PROUD AND NOBLE ANIMAL.
A TOQUE IS A HAT,
A CHESTERFIELD IS A COUCH,
AND IT IS PRONOUCED 'ZED' NOT 'ZEE', 'ZED'!!!
CANADA IS THE SECOND
LARGEST LANDMASS!
THE FIRST NATION OF HOCKEY!
AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA!
MY NAME IS JOE!!
AND I AM CANADIAN!!!!!!!!
I know this place is where I am,
No other place is
better than
no other heart is
truer than
PROUD TO BE CANADIAN!!!!!!!
I AM YOU KNOW I AM,
I AM CANADIAN
(you know I am)
I AM YOU KNOW I AM
I AM CANADIAN
Here's
to you Canada
Here's to your hockey
hair
Your long underwear
And multi coloured money
Here's to saying please
Your ducks and geese
And always being funny
Here's to open spaces
Away from rat races
And a beer that quenches the thirst
Here's to being proud
And saying it loud
Even when you don't come first
Here's to your pretty
girls
Your black coloured squirrels
And a flag that stands so free
Here's to different races
From different places
Who love this country - like me
But most of all
Here's to standing tall and saying it like a true Acadian
"I love this land, I love this country", and
"I am Canadian!"
Cheers!
PROVINCIAL MOTTOS THAT NEVER
MADE THE CUT
NEWFOUNDLAND AND LABRADOR
"Lard Tunderin', Lamp-Lightin', J*sus"
NOVA SCOTIA
"Our Province is Really Hard for Grade Schoolers to Draw"
PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
"Spuds? We Got Spuds Comin' Out Our Arses!"
NEW BRUNSWICK
"Property of K.C. Irving"
QUEBEC
"Grudgingly Part of Canada -- For Now"
ONTARIO
"As Far As We're Concerned, Canada Stops At Our Provincial
Borders"
MANITOBA
"Uncomfortably Close to Ontario"
SASKATCHEWAN
"Unlike Nova Scotia, OUR Province is Really Easy for Grade
Schoolers to Draw"
ALBERTA
"Grudgingly Part of Canada -- For Now"
BRITISH COLUMBIA
"Canadian Home of the Dope Smoking, Granola Munchers"
YUKON TERRITORIES
"Don't Forget Us When the Americans Invade"
NORTHWEST TERRITORIES
"You Can Ride our Black Flies"
NUNAVUT
"No, We Don't Live in Igloos, You Moron"
20 REASONS WHY CANADA IS THE BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD
Two words: the beer
It's almost impossible to display our flag the wrong way. (Unless
you're a Marine Corps Color Guard.)
Nobody refers to Canada as "the Great Satan". (They
understand that we just happen to be his neighbour.)
The McDonalds in the Maritimes sell lobster rolls.
You can wear a Canadian flag in Europe and get treated like family.
(Except in Paris cafes.)
Three words: Tim Horton's Coffee.
English and French Canadians always have somebody to blame their
problems on -- each other.
Those bike-powered ice cream vendors take Canadian Tire money.
We let ANYBODY into our country with open arms. (Including criminals,
terrorists and war criminals.)
The MacDonalds in Quebec sell poutine.
Most people in other countries (especially Europe) have to speak
four or five languages, we only have to speak two.
Our Prime Ministers and their families don't need elite security
services. They handle their own security -- by strangling protesters
or holding off would-be assassins with soapstone carvings.
Visitors to our country always behave themselves because they
know the Mounties always get their man (or woman).
If you don't like the weather, just wait around for five minutes
-- it'll change.
No one will ever mess with us because we live next door to the
world's only remaining superpower. (Unless THEY invade us, that
is.)
We understand that peacekeeping doesn't mean "bomb the shit
out of them"
You don't HAVE to join the army when we turn eighteen.
Bill Gates is an American.
Kids can ride the mosquitos.
One word: Timbits!
I got some of these jokes and
stuff from this
site
its awesome so go
see it theres more jokes on there!
Do you have an more Canadian
jokes or anything I can use on this page? If so, email me
Go back to my main
page!!!