Scene 1
(The episode starts out showing the outskirts of
the city and the tall, blue mountains of the forest
behind it. The sound of horns and zooming cars fade
as the camera moves deeper into the mountains. A large
open area is seen by the audience with a large pond.
Counting can be heard. Daggett is standing on the side
of the pond playing paddleball with his tail. A beach
umbrella and blanket lay next to him.)
Daggett:(while bouncing ball) 2,054 , 2,055 , 2,056 , 2,057,
2,058 , 2,059 , 2,06- (On 2,060 the ball and string
detach from his tail and fall into the pond.
Daggett:Hey! Come back here you lame ball! (With upset
expression, he slowly walks into the water and
searches for the ball, He approaches a sign where
he finds the ball in a bed of kelp.)
Daggett:Keep off the kelp? (creates underwater effect)
(He takes the ball while peering at it from behind
the sign, and slowly walks back from the bottom of
the pond. Soon a large fish-like shadow casts over.
him. He stops for a minute but then, realizing
he's being chased, starts swimming hurriedly back
to his dam. When he makes it to the surface he
sees the huge fin breaking through the surface
and continuing so he keeps on paddling furiously.)
Scene 2
(Back at the dam)(Norbert is sitting on the couch
and watching television. In the first few seconds
we see the back of the TV at a side view and the
front of Norbert.)
TV:(musical) Try Juicy, Juicy, Juice! With the real
fruit flavor-(Suddenly a wave crashes in before
our eyes. Daggett is now under his brother.)
Norbert:(soaking) What the?-
Daggett:(panting between each word and making wild
gestures) Ball! Fish! Swim! Monster! Tail! Bite!
(grabbing tail from behind his back) Whoooooo!
Norbert:(standing up and mimicking Daggett) You!(pant,
pant)Not!(pant,pant)make sense!
Daggett: Old Gramps!
Norbert:(with hands on his hips and obvious exasperation)
Not the Big Book of Scary Things again!
(Daggett leaves and returns with a book. He
rapidly looks from Norbert to his book. Norbert
reluctantly sits down as his brother opens it.
One page has a large pop-up of a huge water
monster ready to eat a human.)
Daggett: Old Gramps! He's out there! The legendary 100
year-old muscle lunge, a fresh water fish, so
huge, he can swallow a Swede! (While saying
this he moves both backs of the book toward each
other so it looks as if the monster is
is eating the human.)
Norbert: Dag, you've nothing to worry about. (Pausing and
then hopping off the couch while Daggett looks
on questioningly.) You're not Swedish!
Daggett:(following Norbert) Oh yeah! Look at the bite he
took out of my tail!) (turns around to show
Norbert the well-sized bite taken out of the
end of his tail.)
Norbert:(annoyed) Oh, come on! You probably just snagged
it on a rock or something. Look, Old Gramps is
nothing but an old beavers' tale; a story told
so many times only a brainless beaver would
believe it!
Daggett: Well I believe it-
Norbert:(Interrupting and folding his arms) I rest my
case.
Daggett: And brain or no brain, Norbie, I'm getting that
piece of my tail back! (Says this with
determination and then runs off the screen,
bumping into something which creates a loud
crash that Norbert and the audience can both hear.)
Scene 3
(We see a slightly far away view of a medium-sized
vessel in the pond. Norbert stands in front of it
with a fishing pole in hand. Daggett stands on top
of the small towering room labeled "Potty"
behind the steering wheel in the vessel,
dressed in a sailor attire. The camera nears them.)
Daggett:Ships ahoy, Matty!
Norbert:It's Matey.
Daggett:Whatever. Come on aboard the SS.SSSSSSSSS.
(stresses the s sound.)
(Norbert looks at the vessel's name, stenciled on
the side of the boat, reading SS.S.SSSSS.)
Daggett:(Reading Norbert's mind) I only had an S stencil.
Norbert:(Sarcastically and under his breath) Super.
Daggett:(Reassuringly) But, she's a seaworthy vessel,
with everything I need to catch the world's
largest muscle lunge including-(says the next line
with great theatrical emotion)-the Musky Lounger!
(Camera moves to mechanical machine with
a spear-shooting ability;a chair
sits behind it.)
Norbert:(With more impatience than before)Dag, this is
cooky! That piece of your tail is probably stuck
in the mud outside the dam, have you looked?!
Daggett:(With pride and satisfaction) Ah, the land lover
still refuses to believe, aye? Perhaps he's
just a little jealous he didn't get to see
Old Gramps.
Norbert:(Incredulously) Jealous?! I'm so not jealous,
I'm gonna prove to you Old Gramps is a big old
fiiiib.
Daggett:(Turning from the Musky Lounger and arguing with
retort)Fish.
Norbert:(Arguing back)Fibbbbb. (Norbert continuingly
stresses the b in fib throughout their argument.)
Daggett: Fish. (turns the Musky Lounger again, which makes
a creaking sound.)
Norbert:(clasping his hands to his side)Fibbbb.
Daggett: Fish-
Norbert:(Interrupting)Fibbbbb,fibbbbb,fibbbbbb!
(Daggett stares at Norbert.)
Daggett: Fish. Eeeeee.
Norbert: Fine, Captain Flounder. I'll not only prove
you wrong, I'll take some snapshots for posterity.
(holds up plastic bag containing camera)
(Daggett pulls bar on the side of the seat to recline
it, but the rope attached to the Musky Lounger's
spear gets tangled on Daggett's leg which forces
the seat to recline the opposite direction. He
crashes against the back of the Musky Lounger,
bounces on the backside of the seat, crashes through
the potty door, and catches the toilet seat around
his head. The other end of the rope is tied to the
front of the spear which shoots off into the air
pulling Daggett along with it.)
Norbert:(Watches Daggett with content)There he blows!(He
takes a picture. The audience sees a black and
white photo fill the screen of Daggett in the
air with a toilet seat around his head.)
Scene 4
(We see the SS.S.SSSSSS sailing across the pond with
Daggett, still in his sailor attire, steering, and
Norbert in the Musky Lounger seat listen to his
brother annoyingly whistle.)
Daggett:(First whistles then raises his finger) Hey, I
have an idea! Let's sing us a good old-fashioned
sea shanty!(changing his pretend pirate accent to
a grunting one) Aye, aye, Lady!
Norbert: It's Aye, aye laddy.
Daggett: Whatever.
Song: Yo, ho, yo, ho, once just a plain beaver!
Now a fancy-pants captain with a first mat
named Norb!
Who won't do anything I say. but that's OK,
hey! (whistle) Hey! (whistle)
Norbert: I get it!(turning around) You plan to keep
singing till Old Gramps gets sick, and throws
up your tail!
Daggett:(Returning his pretend accent) Aargh. Stop your
kidding, Cabin Boy.
(Daggett jumps from the roof of the potty and opens
the door to the bathroom, which still has
its hole from earlier. He jumps out with a
new attire; a striped shirt, a white fishing hat,
and a bucket of paddle balls. He salutes and then
walks to the rear of the vessel.)
Daggett: Aargh! All I need to catch a fish is some good
old-fashioned fish bait. (Pats the pail)
We'll chum the water with these paddle balls.
It's my experience that Old Gramps has a real
hankering for them.
(He leans over the side of the boat to empty the
paddle balls into the water with a shovel.
Then he waits a moment, expecting Old Gramps
to approach the surface.)
Norbert:(With a hint of sarcasm) Hmmmm, that is odd.
Old Gramps isn't racing from his shadowy depths
to eat your delicious paddle balls!
Daggett:(Trying to convince him) This will bring him to
the surface. (Dumps all the paddle balls in,
and the bucket. Then he closely examines
the floating paddle balls. One by one, fish
appear under each ball and spit them in
Daggett's eye.) Rrrrrrrr!
(Soon a fish is under every paddle ball. Daggett
gulps before all the fish spit the balls at him.
In the next screen we see Norbert covering his
eyes as balls fly into the screen and Daggett's
yelps
can be heard. Norbert then uncovers his eyes to
take a picture of Daggett. In the next screen
we see a black and white photo fill
the screen of Daggett with paddle balls in his
eyes, mouth, and up his sleeves.)
Scene 5
(Daggett is now in a cage and has replaced his
white hat with a blue bandanna and has put
a black patch over his eye. Again, his cheesy
pirate accent has returned, stronger than before.)
Daggett:(Holding onto cage) Old Gramps is more cunning
than I imagined. If he won't come up top, I
must go down below, in my musky cage, and
search for him with my own eye-(accidentally
points to covered eye, as if it were injured,
but realizes his mistake and points to the
uncovered one)-Aye, aye!
Norbert: Dag, we both know there's nothing down there!
Daggett:(Persistently) Start lowering me to the
bottomless depths below, Swabby!(Accidentally
looks through telescope with bandaged eye,
and finally exasperated, switches bandage to
right eye and looks out through his left.)
Norbert:(While untying rope that hold up cage) If you
insisty! (The cage falls but doesn't sink,
due to the shallow water. Norbert laughs)
This one's for the refrigerator! (takes a
picture and laughs again. Again we see another
photo of Daggett in his cage, looking at the
camera annoyingly.)
Scene 6
(Norbert is standing on the deck holding his camera
and talking to Daggett.)
Norbert: OK, Captain Aye Dag! The first 50 tries to catch
Old Gramps were a lot of laughs, but now
it's old!-and I'm out of film. So let's go home.
(Daggett is now dressed in something NEW, again.
Dressed like a sea captain rather than a pirate
or sailor, he pretends to smoke a pipe but bubbles
occasionally float from it instead.)
Daggett:(Faces his brother incredulously) Home?! The
sea is my home, Ladle.
Norbert:(Correcting him)Lady!.......Wait a minute, are
you calling me a lady?
Daggett:(Shaking his fists)Laddy!
Norbert:(Giving up patience)All right, Captain Bait for
Brains!You can stay here on the planet Dag.
(Daggett constantly repeats "aargh" in the
backround) I'm out of here.
(Norbert jumps on the side of the boat and gets
ready to dive)
Daggett: Shiber you tembers!
Norbert:(Correcting) Shibber!
Daggett: Ah, this is mutinous!
Norbert:(Heavy sigh) I'll see you back at the dam.
(Norbert makes a dive for the water but freezes
in thin air when he sees the dark shape of a huge
fish. He scampers back on deck to Daggett's
side. Daggett gives him a pitiful stare as
Norbert babbles and makes vague gestures with
his hands and arms.)
Norbert: B-i-i-i-g fish! Big! Eyes! Scary! Eeeeih! I
saw Old Gramps!
(shudders)
Daggett: I must be dreaming, I could have sworn you said
you saw-
(Daggett stops in midsentence to hear the movement
of water behind them. The audience sees a huge
fin pass behind them. The two slowly turn
around to see. They realize that Old Gramps
is near and start screaming while running
around the deck. They finally stop after a
moment.)
Daggett: Now what do we do?
Norbert: I'll start the engine, you man "bum, bum,
bummmmm" the Musky Lounger!
Daggett:(Saluting and now using French and pirate lingo)
Aye, aye, Mone Capitan!
(He runs to the Musky Lounger, moving it in all
directions to get a right aim. Then he holds
it in one position and follows the giant
fin near the boat. Instead the Musky Lounger
only tosses him in circles.
Norbert, meanwhile, is trying to start the engine
which is being pretty stubborn. He pulls and
pulls at it but smoke only rises from the engine.)
Norbert: Oh please, oh please, oh please start, please
start!
(Then Norbert notices the large fin approaching
his direction. When the fin hits the side
of the boat, Norbert gets knocked down, and
Daggett accidentally shoots the spear straight
above. It flies to the other end of the boat and
Norbert notices it coming down at him.
He quickly rolls out of the way, but unfortunately
the spear makes a hole in the boat. Water begins
spouting from the hole and Daggett makes a
small "Whoops" and plugs the hole with his tail.
Again the two notice the fin rushing toward
the boat. They begin running rapidly which
causes the boat to spin. Norbert takes cover by
jumping into Daggett's arms. Suddenly the fin
crashes into the side of the boat which had
just stopped spinning. Then a croaky voice comes
from behind the side of the boat.)
Old Gramps: Whoa, what's this thing in my way! Criminy,
move it already!
(Daggett and Norbert walk to the side of the boat
and look over curiously.)
Norbert: Old Gramps?
Old Gramps: You're darn tootin'!
(An old fish, smaller than themselves, shakes a
hook at them. His fin appears to be 10 times
larger than himself.)
Old Gramps: I'm Old Gramps! Terror of the deep! Feel my
wrath! (begins hacking)
Daggett:(Obviously unimpressed)That's Old Gramps?! He's
not so tough!(Quietly to Norbert) You keep
him talking, while I reload the Musky Lounger.
Norbert:(Chiding) Come on, Dag! He's a harmless, old fish!
Daggett:(Incredulously) Harmless?! He ate my tail!
Norbert: How could he eat you tail? He has no teeth!
Daggett:(Ignoring Norbert and now focusing on Old Gramps)
Give me my tail!
Old Gramps: I don't have your tail!
Daggett: You do have my tail, and I'm not leaving until I
get it!
(He disappears from the screen and returns with an
anchor which he drops into the pond. The
audience sees the anchor slowly drop to the bottom
and land on the head of a huge fish which sleepily
opens one eye. A loud noise ascends from the
pond. Daggett and Norbert watch several fish jump
out from the pond, birds fly away, and deer flee.
The noise once again echoes through the forest,
out of the mountains, and to the city. Daggett
and Norbert stand in their vessel, wide-eyed and
trembling.)
Old Gramps: Ohhh, now you've done it.
(Dag and Norb walk to the side of the boat to hear
Old Gramps.)
Old Gramps: You woke up my wife, Old Grams! Just when I
thought I'd have an afternoon to myself.
(He dives back in the water)
(Suddenly a huge fish rises to the surface, big
enough to create a current strong enough tip
the boat and send Daggett and Norbert rolling
across the deck. Daggett rushes over to the engine
and pulls it the first time; the boat doesn't
budge. Norbert pulls Daggett's tail while holding
onto the engine starter and the boat finally
begins to rush across the pond. Old Grams follows
persistently and opens her mouth to swallow the
SS.S.SSSSSSS. We see the end of Daggett's tail
caught between her teeth.)
Daggett:(Noticing his tail) My tail!
Norbert: Lucky for you, she forgot to floss.
(Old Grams dives beneath the water but ascends
again, this time jumping on the boat, breaking
it to boards and causing Daggett and Norbert to
jump out from both sides of the vessel. When they
notice the old fish chasing them again, they
begin swimming, paddling and yelping. Soon
they find their dam in sight and begin nearing it.
Old Grams, herself, gets closer to devouring
the two beavers........)
Scene 7
(Norbert and Daggett are sitting on their couch.
Norbert is looking at his taken photos, laughing,
and showing them to Daggett who is busily sewing
his tail back on.)
Norbert:(Laughing) You know, Dag, some of these photos
really capture a different side of you.
Look at this, look at this........
(Norbert continues poking photos in front of Daggett
who keeps grunting and poking the needle through
his tail.)
Daggett: You can laugh all you want, Blubberbreath. But I
proved Old Gramps exists and I got my tail back.
(Door bell rings.)
(Norbert gets up to answer it. A Swedish man stands
in the doorway.)
Swede:(With Swedish accent) Hellooo! I'm from Sweden. You
won't believe this, but I was just fishing-
Norbert:(Interrupting)-Yeah, yeah, I know, you got
swallowed too, join the club.(He points to the
group of Swedes behind him, who are waving from
the sauna.)
Swede: Hellooo! Sven, Lars, Lee!(Norbert rolls his eyes
while watching the newcomer join his friends
and gives the camera an exasperated look. Then he
looks out the door, either searching for anyone else
or wondering when they'll be thrown up.
Conversation in the dam can be heard.)
Swede: Well, lucky for us, I have plenty of Swedish
meatballs!
Daggett: Are you sure you didn't pack anything else?
Swedes: (more conversation)
Daggett: Ewwwww, I'm so sick of meatballs!
(Norbert gives the camera another look, then closes
the door. The dam gets smaller as the camera
view grows. We soon see that the Beavers' dam is
sitting on the tongue of Old Grams who happily
swims off)
The End
This script of "Fish and Dips" was written from seeing
it,hearing it, and from memory so some things might be incorrect.
Original script written by Jordanna Arlkin. Copyright 1997,
Viacom International Association.
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