An Autobiography of the guy who brought you RIKSPLACE Probably the daftest footy page in the world To Go back to Riksplace Press one of my balls dotted around this page. |
If you have been to my footy site you will have
noticed that I am also a bit of an action man. My main intrest is The
Best Football team in the World
" NEWCASTLE UNITED" I am also
well into action sports. I
love to go, hang gliding , Skydiving, mountain climbing, Jetskiing,
Snow boarding, Bungie jumping, Scuba diving, Surfing and other cool
sports. Needless to say I am excellent at all of these as well as
being an expert in most Martial arts. Here is a picture of me
practising my skills against an old foe ERIC CANTONA. The reason that
I have so much spare time is that I am was a Formula 3 racing car
driver ,up until a couple of months ago . I came to the conclusion
that I am starting to get a little old to be risking my life behind
the wheel of a single seater racing car. I did have the chance to
become a formula one star next year but after consultation with my
wife decided that we did not need the money and that my family should
come first.
You may ask yourselves how is he so good at everything ? The answer is quite simple I am not entirely from this world. I am infact half Geordie and half Zobrian. Yes it is true, more than 30 years ago my mother was abducted by aliens from the planet Zob9 (in the alpha quadrant). After carrying out the usual alien tests, she was impregnated by a Zobrian and then beamed back down to earth. Unfortunately the coordinates were a little out and instead of being sent back to Wallsend she ended up in Oldham, A town not so many miles from Manchester. That is where I had the misfortune to be born. In my early years life was hell. the people of Oldham have a natural hatred of the Mancunians. It's a football thing I suppose . Oldham was always in the shadow of Manchester so the people from there disliked them intensely. This is where my hatred for "The manure scum " stemmed from. It is also such a morbid, depressing place, the people are bad mannered, unfriendly and rather smelly.
I
was so happy when my mother told me that we were GANNIN YEM . Yes at
the age of 6 I escaped from the depressing hell hole of Lancashire
and moved the the paradise of Whitley Bay. The first thing you notice
about Geordieland is how friendly everyone is and how pleasant the
surrounding area is. The language is a little strange at first but
the beautiful language soon rolls off your tongue. The most important
day in Geordieland is Saturday. It is customary every Saturday for
Geordies to clad themselves in a black and white shirt and either
make there way to the centre of the universe (.St James's park,) or
to huddle around a radio with there friends at 3 o'clock and perform
the ritual of CHEERIN ON THE LADS.
This
was a ritual I soon became accustomed to . Throughout my school days
I followed the lads. At the age of 16 I left school and started my
Own business. I had a natural talent for selling things , I could
sell Oil to the Arabs or ice cubes to Eskimos as they say ( I
actually did both.!) Therefore it was not long until I had made my
first million and I was the head of a multi national conglomerate. At
the age of 21, I decided to pursue a more challenging career so I set
up RIKS RACING , It took a while for us to get started going, the
Idea of hiring celebrities
as mechanics was not a good idea
and the first year using the pictured LadaRR1 was a bit of a flop.
I
persevered and the second and third years brought sucsses and fame
in the Motor racing world . Riks Racing, A
Motor racing team based in North Shields was soon the team to beat !
I am sure you will know about as we have had many successes since
then. Then we moved into rally cars and won the PARIS-DUNSTON rally
For 5 years on the trot again with me at the wheel. Finally in
formula 3 I won the GOSFORTH PARK 500 at my first attempt. A story
that was front page news WORLDWIDE last year.
As it only takes up 2 or 3 days of week up I
have a great deal of time to pursue other activities . I have just
acquired a little extra space on this web site so I will soon be
printing some pictures of me in my various racing cars , Climbing up
MT Everest, Hang gliding over Victoria falls and a few others . So
keep coming back and have a look.
It is customary on these web thingies to have a picture of the author , So here is one of me, As you can see I don't look like an Alien at all, people often think that I look foreign. So I tell them that I am from Argentina. Apparently most Argentineans look like me. I did not mention that I am a golf pro did I? Here I am teaching some of my Pals how to improve there game.
The picture of "Wor lass Uno" on the left was taken a
couple of years ago.
She
looks a lot better than this nowadays. It was taken just after she
got out of bed so she was not looking her best. Jody is my first
wife. My second wife is Ros ,on the right. I met her in the
Strawberry when she was working as a barmaid. As I am a member of the
Peliconistic church I am allowed to have up to seven wives. I
currently have only five so their is hope for 2 of you girlies out
there yet.
My
third wife is called Danny, she used to hang around the pit lanes at
all the Grand Prix hoping that one day she would meet a handsome rich
racing car driver .Five years ago I made her dream come true .
Funnily enough she didn't go to the races because she liked car
racing she just likes to wear tight leather clothes. She goes to the
match everyweek dressed like this and no one ever bats an eyelid ,
there is usually better things to look at on the pitch.
My
latest Two wives are sisters, Pauline and Bev they are really
gorgeous. I am sure you agree
that I am a very lucky man having such a wonderful harem of companions
and everything that I ever wanted. I live in a 18th century mansion
within a 17 acre estate in the north of England. I collect sports
cars and beer mats and have recently opened my own golf course. I am
thinking of buying Gateshead football club, as a challenge to see if
I can reverse their fortunes after they were relegated recently. I am
thinking of asking my old friend Kevin Keegan if he wants to become
the manager. I will keep you posted on the outcome.
If you are an extremely beautiful woman and wish to join my Harem , please get in touch with your CV . I will consider all applicants. I am particularly susceptible to gorgeous insatiable nymphomaniacs, (photos a must) .Till next month
TERIMA KASIH , DARI RIK........
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