Jokes about a college that sucks....
Q. Did you hear that Ringling Brothers Circus wants to buy Owen Field?
A. They're not interested in the stadium, but in the clowns that play
there.
Q: How many OU freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q. What's the early Saturday morning (around 3 AM) tradition before an
OU home game?
A. Going to the Norman City Jail to bail out players.
Q. What's red and is black and blue all over?
A. An OU player after any game.
Q. Did you see the picture of OU's school spirit?
A. It was on a milk
carton.
Q. What's the best thing to come out of Norman?
A. I-35, and that's not exactly something to be proud of......
Q. Why can't OU fans find Stillwater?
A1. That north/south thing on I-35 confuses them
A2. They think OU is the only university in Oklahoma
A3. Fear of playing there.
Q. Why is OU's primary color red?
A. If you had to admit you went there, what color would your face be?
Q. Why is OU called the "Sooners"?
A. They'd just as soon lose the game and get it over with.
Q. How many Sooners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it takes eleven to lose a football game.
Q. Why did OU score seven points against Nebraska?
A. Nebraska sent in their cheerleaders.....at half time.
Q. What is OU's team slogan (like OSU's "A team on the rise"), and
what movie is it from?
A. "Run away! Run away", Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Q. Did you why hear OU wants Schennelburger to coach the OSU/OU game
this year?
A. The want to lose by only twelve.......
Q: What are the best four years of a Sooner's life?
A: Third grade
Q. Did you hear that OU just bought twenty new septic tanks?
A. Yeah, and Sooners coach John Blake says as soon as they learn to drive them, they're gonna invade Stillwater.
Heard that Oklahoma's John Blake was only dressing twenty-two players against Oklahoma State.
He said the rest could dress themselves!
Q: How many Oklahoma Sooners does it take to change a flat tire?
A: Five, one to change the tire and four to lament how wonderful the old tire was.
Q: How many Oklahoma Sooners does it take to change a tire?
A: Just one, but he gets four hours credit and it counts as a lab
science!
Q: What's the difference between OU fans and a litter of puppies?
A: Eventually, the litter of puppies grows up and stops whining.
Q: What do Oklahoma grads and tornadoes have in common?
A: They both move around a lot, but eventually they all wind up in trailer parks.
Q: What does the average OU player get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Q: How come the OU football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "W's" together.
Q: Why do University of Oklahoma graduates hang their diplomas from the rear view mirror?
A: To justify their handicapped parking.
Q: Do you know why the Oklahoma football team should change its name to the "Possums?"
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Q: How do you keep Sooners out of your backyard?
A: Put up goalposts.
Q: How many OU students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One -- he just holds onto the bulb and expects the world to revolve around him.
Q: Why doesn't Oklahoma have ice on the sidelines during games?
A: The guy with the recipe graduated.
Q: How many OU fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Five -- one to screw in the bulb and four to complain about how much brighter it used to be.
A die-hard Oklahoma fan and a die-hard Cowboy fan are waiting to be executed. The executioner asks the Sooner fan for his last request. "Hmmm", he says, then requests to hear the Oklahoma fight song one more time."OK", says the executioner and turns to the Cowboy and asks the same question: "What is your last request?" Without hesitation the Cowboy fan says, "Shoot me first!"
An alumni of O-State passed away and met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. The OSU grad was pleased to find that St. Peter granted him passage through to heaven but was quickly disappointed when on the throne to the kingdom sat Barry. The Cowboy quickly turned to St. Peter and said, "This is what I have lived a good Christian life for, to get to heaven and find God is really Barry?" To which St. Peter repied, "No, that's not God.
That is Barry, he just thinks he's God."
An Oklahoma football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Thank God the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it.
An O-State alumnus had a job in the Norman Area such that his commute every day led him on a road right alongside the OU campus. Of course, there were always Sooner fans walking along the road.
The O-State guy made it a practice to hit any pedestrian Sooners with his car as he sped by. One day, he spotted a priest walking along the road and stopped to give him a ride. A little further along, he spotted a Sooner walking along the side of the road. Automatically, he veered his truck towards the Sooner, but then remembered his passenger. He swerved back to the center, but he still heard a "whump." In the rear view mirror he spotted the Sooner rolling across the street. He turned to the priest and said, "Father, I'm sure that I missed that OU guy."
The priest replied, "It's OK, my son. I got him with the door."
An OSU student and an OU student are both using the men's room. When they finish their business, the OSU student heads for the door, while the OU student heads for the sink. The Sooner calls to the Cowboy student, "At OU, they teach us to wash our hands after using the bathroom" The OSU student replies, "At OSU, they teach us not to pee on our hands."
Three high school buddies went to different colleges: One to Nebraska, one to Kansas and one to Oklahoma. Last summer they decided to go to the Olympics in Atlanta. However, they were broke and couldn't get in to see any events. The Husker gets an idea and grabs a hubcap from his car. He walks to the gate and says, "I'm from Nebraska, and I'm a discus thrower." He's let in.
The Jayhawk finds a broom handle, goes to the gate and says, "I'm from Kansas,and I'm a javelin thrower." He's let in.
The Sooner looks around, finds what he needs and goes to the gate. He's wrapped in barbed wire, covered with splinters and is all bloody. The person at the gate says, "What the heck are you?"
The Sooner replies, "I'm from Oklahoma, and I'm a fencer."
A Sooner fan and a Sooner football player were walking in the woods. The player says to the fan, "Hey look at the moose tracks!" The fan looks at him and says, "Those aren't moose tracks, those are bear tracks!" They were still arguing when the train hit them.
O-State is playing at OU, which has a first down with three
minutes left in the half. An OU fan sets off a firecracker, and OSU, thinking it's the end of the half, runs off the field. Three plays later, OU punts.
An OSU computer science major was given an artificial intelligence assignment for one of his classes. He ended up creating a program where you could have a conversation with your computer based on your IQ level. To test his program he entered "80" and had a conversation with his computer about Soap Operas. He entered "100" and talked about politics. He entered "150" and talked about nuclear physics. Just to see what would happen, he entered "-50". The computer bumped and belched and sparked and smoked for a good 10 minutes. When it finally settled down it displayed "Boomer Sooner!"
After a long wait, two University of Oklahoma graduates finally get jobs at a sawmill. It was their first day on the job.
Suddenly one screams, "OUCH!!! I lost my finger!" The other glances over, "Oh yeah, how'd you do that?" "Well, I was just trying to touch this big spinning wheel like thi...Damn! There goes another one!"
Two football players were given a special SAT test to meet their admission requirements to the University of Oklahoma. Soon after the test began the first guy turns to the second guy and asks, "Old MacDonald had a what?"
The other replies, "He had a farm."
The first asks, "How do you spell it?"
To which the second replied, "E-I-E-I-O."
Two OU players decide they want to try ice fishing. They go and buy all the necessary equipment and load up their pick-up. In the process, the students realize they don't know where to go to try out this new sport.
Finally, after about three hours of intense brainstorming, one student thinks of the perfect spot. They drive to the spot, unload their equipment and make their way onto the ice in search for the perfect location. They cut a hole in the ice and begin to fish. About three minutes pass when out of nowhere a booming voice is heard:
"THERE ARE NO FISH BENEATH THE ICE!"
Completely confused and scared, the two students stop and look around but see no one. "Did you hear that?" ask one student. "Yea. Who was it?" responded the second student. Confused but determined, both students continue to fish. A minute passes, and they hear again:
"THERE ARE NO FISH BENEATH THE ICE!"
Dazed and frightened, one OU student stands up, looks to the
heavens and asks "Is that You God? Are you trying to help us?"
The voice responds "No, you idiot, it's the rink manager. Now get off our ice!"
A child is brought to family court to choose which parent he prefers to live with.
The judge then speaks, "Son, which of your two parents do you want to live with?"
The kid is silent.
The judge chimes in, "Your mother?"
"Nah, she beats me."
A shocked look comes across the judge's face, he calms down. Your
father?"
"Nah, he beats me too!"
The judge is dumbfounded. "Well who do you want to live with."
"Well, your honor, I want to live with the University of Oklahoma
they don't beat anyone."
Smile......you're not at OU!
(And if you are, well, there's still hope - it's called a transfer.)