In Theatres Now...

Godzilla vs. Ferris Bueller: Cool special effects, big explosions, who needs a script! And that's not an ironic statement, either:  If you go to a Godzilla movie seeking deep themes and multi-layered characters, you're a dick! Enjoy seeing New York getting destroyed and see something deep and meaningful later. Of course, there ARE some odd parts, such as the Siskel and Ebert mayor and adviser duo (the joke dies long before the main character does), and what's up with the French? But those are piffels ... Long live the Lizard! My grade: A+ P.S. Keep an eye out for the gay guy from Melrose Place.

He Got Game: Spike Lee's take on inner-city basketball stardom is in a lot of ways disappointing. Lee gets points for inventive camera shots and a few intriguing characters (JIM BROWN ALERT), but some surprising factual errors (considering Lee's basketball knowledge) and a stiff performance from Ray Allen (as Jesus, the top basketball recruit in the nation) helps keep this to also-ran status. Worth watching, of course, merely because of Denzel Washington, who's fast approaching Al Pacino status in my book (I have no higher compliment). Lee has some great writing here, particularly when Jesus and his two-timing girlfriend (she's playing him for a sports agent) split up later in the film. The desperation of their situation is evident as she justifies her manipulations, the perfect embodiment of the people around him, each trying to get a piece of him, and his future wealth, while they can. Good stuff. But the script's shortcomings are too much to get universal recommendation. My grade: B-

Major League III: Back in the Minors: Yep, it's every bit as stupid as you imagine. Dumb jokes, vapid characters, stereotypes. Still, I must admit I laughed a bit. Scott Bakula is cool. And while this isn't nearly the classic that the first one was, it's not nearly as bad as the second one. The biggest question of course is what's funniest ... when the guy gets hit in the head with a baseball? Or when the other guy gets hit in the head with a baseball. Or maybe it's when the other guy gets hit in the head with a baseball. Answer? None of the above. It's actually the cheesy computer-generated baseball they used to cut the budget on the action scenes. Kinda sad, actually. My grade: C

Lost in Space: Simply put, the greatest film of our time. Just kidding. But it is a fairly entertaining special effects spectacular that doesn't take itself as seriously as some would attest. A good background in sci-fi films and television helps one pick up on several satisfying in-jokes. As far as acting goes, William Hurt and Gary Oldman are solid, Mimi Rogers is still hot and as far as that Matt LeBlanc guy goes ... I don't understand why every other film reviewer in the universe has to rip on him. Sure, he's no Olivier, but he's serviceable. I predict now that he'll prove to be the Tony Danza of his generation, and really that's not quite as bad as it might seem. He remains mostly harmless in the entertainment world. My grade: B
 
Mercury Rising: Bruce Willis plays a pill-popping FBI agent (a real stretch) defending an autistic boy targeted for termination because he's solved an unbreakable government code. I've seen better fare, though the kid does a pretty good Rainman imitation all the way through. Sure, the plot's silly, but no one bleeds and dry-swallows pills quite like Bruce Willis. My grade: C+
 
The Apostle: Robert Duvall gives a great performance, has a great script and does a great job directing. Despite all this, he's produced a sometimes-yawner that is only sporadically effective to a non-churchgoer like myself. It helps if you know someone like this. In some ways, it's like seeing a movie with brilliant reggae production numbers if you don't like reggae ... you respect it, but don't enjoy it nearly as much as you probably should. Still, I give it high marks for ambition and invention. Worth a shot. My grade: B+
 

Wild Things: Wow. Everything Palmetto (see below) promised (and didn't deliver) and more. Angelic Neve Campbell smokes pot and has girl-girl sex with that girl from Starship Troopers. You simply can't ask for more than that. Seriously, though, it's kind of a silly movie at heart, and the twists and turns keep coming long past the point they become quite funny. Bill Murray is effective as a shyster who helps out possible-sleazebag Matt Dillon. Kevin Bacon is the cop after the truth. DINKDUS WARNING. Bacon shows his strips. Despite all that, the Campbell scenes make up for the general ickiness. My grade: C

U.S. Marshals: Tommy Lee Jones always merits an automatic recommendation from me ... throw in Wesley Snipes and you got yerself a bona fide action thrilla not to be missed. The Fugitive sequel tends to get predictable at times (a certain character is so marked for death he ought to be wearing a redshirt from the old Star Trek series) and the plot is contrived at times, but it's well worth yer matinee viewing price. Further concerns? Not many. If you liked the first film, you'll like this one (complete with the now-obligatory crash scene, this time involving a jet liner). What comes next? A shuttle explosion? My grade: B-.

Palmetto: I must admit I was a little bit disappointed in this film. Gina Gershon? Elizabeth Shue in a sluttish role? Quite frankly, I expected it to be much, much filthier. I mean, the word "Palm" is right in the freakin' title! Nonetheless, I had to settle for a lukewarm potboiler featuring Woody Harrelson as the dumbest man in the world. Harrelson was good, Shue was indeed quite fetching and it was worth a matinee look-see. As a rule of thumb, though, if too many sexy women are throwing themselves at you at any one time, you're clearly being set up for something. Remember that. My grade: B-

The Wedding Singer: As an Adam Sandler movie, this falls somewhere between the inane "Billy Madison" and the priceless "Happy Gilmour." Not the most cerebral of flicks on any level, "Wedding" is mostly an excuse for a relentless stream of 80's kitch ... the source for almost all of the film's humor. Drew Barrymore is awfully cute, and Sandler's half-ass relationship with his limo-drivin' buddy showed signs of life, but the script was pretty rote. Fun for the 80's stuff, needed a little more. My grade: B-

Good Will Hunting: Clearly a top-five movie. Guy bonding at its best. The script's not as wonderful as everyone's saying ... I find it a  little squeakie-clean in some aspects, but nonetheless it's a heckuva good spend of five bucks. My grade: A
 
Blues Brothers 2000: More a remake than a sequel, this film had some interesting possibilities, particularly involving Elwood's "step-brother," a straight-laced state trooper who has supressed his blues tendencies. Instead of pursuing this, however, they throw in a CUTE KID, a bunch of (usually pretty good) production numbers and a rehash of the first film's plot ... such as it is. Good for the music. Sucks for everything else. My grade: C-
 

On Vid ...
 
Mousehunt: Kinda a cute animated mouse beats up Nathan Layne and his brother in true Tom and Jerry fashion. Or is that Home Alone fashion?  A nice diversion if everything else is checked out. CHRISTOPHER WALKEN cameo! My grade: B+

I Know what you Did Last Summer: Yeah, and after staring at Jennifer Love Huett's cleavage all throughout this senseless horror flick, I Know What I'll Be Doing After The Movie. My grade: Huett's jugs: A+, the rest of the movie: C-

The House of Yes: Parker Posey stars in a "comedy" about incest, political assassinations and mental illness. It's produced by Aaron Spelling, so there's a role for his daughter, Tori, of course. Don't let the box fool ya: There's nothing funny about this one. Avoid like the herpes complex. My grade: F

Boogie Nights: Great acting, solid writing and an impressive turn at direction. Marky Mark stars as fictional porn star Dirk Diggler, he of the 13-inch talent, during the heydey of cinematic porn back in the 70's. His rise and fall (thanks to drugs and the dawn of video) makes for some seriously entertaining moments that are as comic as they are tragic, sometimes simultaneously. Not nearly as explicit as its subject matter might suggest, this is must-see stuff, and while Burt Reynolds is indeed great as porno patriarch Jack Horner, it's Marky Mark that does a real star turn. How he manages to portray a jaded, egotistical, doped-up porn star as a sentimental ... well ... innocent, is one of the top accomplishments of the year. My grade: A
 
The Full Monty: A nice flick, but nothing too awful special. For disenfranchised British-isle residents taking a crack at performing, I'll take the Commitments every time. Still, some funny scenes and any movie that allows men to be vulnerable for a change is cool with me. My grade: A-

She's So Lovely: It's a disaster. Sean Penn, Robin Wright Penn and John Travolta collide in what sorta feels like a disjointed trainwreck right from the get-go. Penn's the violent ex-husband who's been in a nuthouse for 10 years. Travolta's the violent current husband who doesn't seem to really register on Wright Penn's emotional radar. I think the movie's drama is supposed to be generated by Wright Penn's dilemma at choosing between her current husband (and kids) and her old, nutty husband (whom she readily admits she loves more). Problem is, the filmmakers are so inept at establishing any chemistry at all between Wright Penn and Travolta that you find yourself wondering how these two got together in the first place. Feels like the best parts of this story were never filmed. My grade: D-
 

Event Horizon: More or less an excuse to throw blood and body parts around the screen. Kinda like "Alien," only much, MUCH grosser. Kind of like "Alien" meets "The Shining." Sorta. Lawrence Fishburne is always good, but this movie isn't. Ick. My grade: D-

Lost World, Jurassic Park: A weak book (Crichton's first sequel) breeds an even weaker movie. The dinosaur effects aren't even as good-looking as in the first film ... appearing more, I dunno, rubbery. The plot's extraordiarily contrived, most of the performances are wooden (though Jeff Goldblum is good, as always) and, as I stated, the special effects need work. On video, all these problems are exacerbated. The film picks up when the T-Rex gets loose in San Diego, but it's too little, too late. My grade: C-

Excess Baggage: Alicia Silverston's a babe. CHRISTOPHER WALKEN alert! My grade: B

The Prophecy II: Angels are really like Terminator robots, and they're doing battle right now. CHRISTOPHER WALKEN alert! My grade: B
 
LONG TIME, NO SEE: Kevin Kline in The January Man. More screaming and overacting than at the Pacino family Christmas dinner. Also has Hans from Die Hard in a slightly less sinister role. Further bonus? Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio's bare breasts! Must see (again)!

Off the Bookshelf ...
 
 The book reading is continuing. Keep checking back!