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The Champions
NEMESIS
IWF CHAMPION
"I'm your worst Nightmare"
Height: 8' Weight: 600 lbs. Age: 100,665 yr. Origin: The Darkness Finishing Move: The Final Destiny Theme Song: The desperate screams of the condemned masses
CalcGirl
WOMENS CHAMPION
"I may be a mathematical genius, but the only numbers I care about are: 1...2...3"
Height: 5' 10" Weight: 150 Age: 23 Origin: Cal State, Mathematics Department Finishing Move: The Number Cruncher Theme Song: I Just Want To Fly
THE AFROLITES
Maurice & Demitrius
TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS
"When we get-down, you don't get up"
Height: Both 6' 5" - (7' 4" w/fros) Weight: 230 / 235 lbs. Age: 23 / 25 Origin: Detoit Finishing Move: The Ghetto Blaster Theme Song: Startin' Sumptin'
THE GRIM RAPPER
HARDCORE CHAMPION
"East coast, west coast, I'm a equal opportunity ass kicker"
Height: 6' 3" Weight: 230 lbs. Age: 25 Origin: Da' Hood Finishing Move: Bustin' A Cap In Yo Ass! Theme Song: Streets of Terror
The Wrestlers
EDWARD K. GRUBERMAN
"If you climb into MY ring, your ass belongs to me"
Height: 6' 4" Weight: 240 lbs. Age: 42 Origin: New York City Finishing Move: The Pink Slip Theme Song: Taking Care of Business
ELDER JOSEPH SAMUEL YOUNG
"I'm on a two year mission to kick some butt"
Height: 5' 7" Weight: 130 lbs. Age: 18 Origin: Kolob via. SLC Finishing Move: The Vanishing Golden Tablet Press Slam Theme Song: Take Me To The River
FEAR
"Hey Bubby, got a light?"
Height: 6' 6" Weight: 280 lbs. Age: 28 Origin: Texas Finishing Move: Call Snoop on the cell phone Theme Song: Gin & Juice
HUGH VELGAMEISTER
"What are you looking at?"
Height: 6' 2" Weight: 225 lbs. w/attachment Age: 26 Origin: Las Vegas Finishing Move: The Slong Slap Theme Song: Detachable Penis
LARRY
"Look!"
Height: 6' Weight: 185 lbs. Age: 32 Origin: Happy Acres Finishing Move: Getting pinned Theme Song: They're comin' to take me away, ha ha!
NEIL AND BOB
Neil Down and Bob Ondis
"This Tag Team duo really devours the competition"
Height: 6' 1 / 6' Weight: 195 / 160 lbs. Age: 30 / 27 Origin: San Francisco Finishing Move: The Flame Thrower Theme Song: Livin' La Vida Loca
PAIN
"I am the total master of destruction"
Height: 7' 7" Weight: 680 lbs. Age: 25 Origin: Parts Unknown Finishing Move: Deliverance Theme Song: Dueling Banjos
PHOEBE
"Uh, I don't know"
Height: 6' 2" Weight: 160 lbs. Age: 22 Origin: San Fernando Valley Finishing Move: The Thigh Master Theme Song: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
THE POCKET PROTECTORS
"We may suck in the ring, but we can hack into your banks network and ruin your credit rating"
Height: Both 5' 3" Weight: 198 lbs. (combined) Age: 31 / 33 Origin: The Chess Club Finishing Move: The "Y2K" Bug Theme Song: She Blinded Me With Science
RAGE
"I've crippled more people than polio"
Height: 6’ 11" Weight: 350 lbs. Age: 29 Origin: Planet Groovy Finishing Move: The Atomic Elbow Theme Song: If You Want Blood
ROSIE
"I'm one bad ass senorita"
Height: 5' Weight: 100 lbs. Age: 24 Origin: Mexico Finishing Move: The Spanish Fly Swatter Theme Song: La Bamba
SILICON SALLY
"Strong enough for a man, but made like a woman"
Height: 6' 6" Weight: 317 lbs. Age: 24 Origin: Silicon Valley, CA Finishing Move: Suffocation by Silicon Theme Song: Brickhouse
The Staff
Owner/President: Ed Gruberman
Host/Commentator: J.J. Tough
Rehab Commentator: Fear
Ring Announcer: Marvin Wilson
Referee: (Blind) Willie Johnson
Manager: Max Rakkus
Statistician: Lisa
