Just when you least expect it....

he's got nuthin'

I bet he's been waiting for 20 years to get you back.

worst thing I ever did was steal a page out of my mate's diary (I think we were 12 or thereabouts) where he was talking about the girl in class that he fancied, then showed it to everyone next day. Terrible thing to do, I'm still very ashamed of it.

(we're now 30/31 and he's still my best mate, btw)

*Gets all misty eyed about trike*

He deserved it really. Annoying little git.

tomD's is very very funny

I'd best leave then.

don't hang about if you like cats, ducks, mancunians, special needs teachers or allotments

i'm tempted to stay at work till 9 and wait for dans stories......

It's not dirty but it is rotten. When I was about 4 I had a skillo litle trike with a little dumper thing on the back (I loved that little trike), well one day I put my little brother in the dump-thingy, pedalled along as fast as my little legs would let me and pulled the handle to release my younger sibling.

hmmm, when does being a kid stop?
Loads of front-bottomish things at school really.

actually, no. I deny that

you should've cut his eyes out and stuck them to the screen and forced him to watch

then i gave him the shot. die f*cker!

what a mean old man

stabbed him up 'cause he wouldn't let me watch dangermouse. if that's not f*ckin askin' for it, i don't know what is

tell us more and see if you can reach closure

killed my grandad. still feel bad about that actually

hehehe

fantastic. I look forward to it.

I'm sure there's a load of stuff Chris isn't telling us too.

I'll be back about 9pm - don't want to spoil my career.

i reckon you've got some sick stories, dan. Go on, help us out here.

I'll fill this in at home tonight - not from work.

as a taster, we did once properly crucify someone. Thats what catholic schools do to you

I can't believe that was Buckie's one and only post of the day.

Classic

heheheh

Remind me never to let any of you degenerates near my daughter!

I was a good little boy.

i'm sure some people must be holding back here.

And what the feck are we going to talk about tomorrow??

I bet it melted the wendy house, bing.

Nah - rabbits will shag a warm palm given half a chance. I've had one come on me just because I was holding it inappropriately

I was thinking more of taking said bunny 'in hand'

Gilly Baxter snitched about my anal probe pranks.

When you read something like this, you get a clearer understanding of the depth of mother love. Can you imagine buck-mum's shame at the revelation?

yeah.

What kind of bits do rabbitts have?

I'm assuming small digit insertion? Heading up the right street?

do you really need a picture?

"At 10 I provided manual relief for my poor rabbit"

can we have some more detail on this one?

on a similar note, bing, we used to run the scouts' book stand at the church fair, take the money and buy the cakes from the cake stand - hardly a crime, but boy did we get fat off the church!

hahaha buckland. it's the addition of real names which makes it

On the absence of morals front, I've stolen something from a fricking charity shop

oh feck, just as I was controlling my giggles...

I can't touch pins.

At 5 I got my mum thrown off the coffee morning circuit for running a hardcore doctors and nurses clinic in Susan Bridge's wendy house. Gilly Baxter snitched about my anal probe pranks.

At 10 I provided manual relief for my poor rabbit.

At 14 I cheated on Nikki Baker on Saturday with her best mate. I went to Nikki Bakers' house on Sunday and pretended and lied about all kinds of stuff in order to get her to give me a blow job for the first time. On Monday she found out all about it. V upset, natch.

A fat kid at school used to write and print his own magazine. One issue he glued an extra leaf to make one hundred four leafed clovers to stick on the cover as a give-away. At 11 I tore them all up. (This is the worst thing I have ever done, apart from the oft-related Anne Claire episodes, which was much later.)

I was all messed up about my mum and dad, that's my excuse...

Too right. I can hold my head up high.

*struts*

hehe. stop that as soon as you like.

So anyway, Bing, I think we styled that one out quite nicely.

I just had one of those phone calls from Bing where all he does is laugh.

hahahaha

I've lost it.

*wipes tears*

i need to go and lie down...

F*ck it - I'm celibate from now on - not that I've got a choice.

jesus crossed with marty feldman

Marvellous. Now I've a grinning baby pulling itself off in my head

hehe. i don't gurn. i smile like the baby jesus.

Pffffffffft!

Thanks chris - you've messe3d up my mental image of whatever it was for good now. Next time I go and bash one out I'll have your gurning pre-pump face staring out of my mind's eye.

let's do it. The 40% Fringe.

Dear Beria

I am deeply concerned regarding the welfare of some people using this site.

Sort tit aaaarrhtt!

Disgusted of Dartford

:o)

i'm not laughing. but i am stroking my cock under the desk.

hehehe. Oh lord.

I thnk me, you and bing may need to set up a break away site.

hahahaha

i'm weeping.

but that may be from shame as opposed to laughter...

hahaha!

You've set me off now, Bing

dear god

what you giggling at, bingy?

you know that line you were talking about Pins? i think i passed it about a couple of miles back...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I'm in bits here

I've got that giggling thing. I might have to call you

how about one bloke and another burd, pins?

*keeps reservation open*

hehe

I think Me, bing and lips have come out of this very well

bugger, i should've left that last post...

Lips. Marry me. Now

I'd like to pin one on each of you. No, really.

hahahaha!!

I'd like to try two men at once, yeah, but I don't want anything up my botti

i don't mind the botti bit on the right occasion.

*dusts self down*

Well I don't know about you, but I think Me, bing and lips have come out of this very well

I'd like to try two men at once, yeah, but I don't want anything up my botti

Pins, you are truly my muse. And to think I wasted 25 years not knowing you

is that an invite?

heheh goons and soup!

so, you'd both do two willies into one mouth.

how about one willie into two mouths?

*books hotel*

My fo'c'sle's bilged and the main stays are rigid!

get your head up to the poopdeck, cos my yardarm's a-swingin, and i feel like a jolly roger.

I'd do what Lips did, but not what I did

shoplifted as a kid, and ran off when me mte got caught

SS Smut has wind in it's sails and a full complement of seamen - Splice the cabin boy and hose the ho's!

or maybe not...

hehehhe lips

pull in and let me jump on board, mr soup, cos i'm coming with ya.

probably, but not with the same two blokes. they both went on to munt for Wales.

ah! that puts a different spin on it!

*wanders off*

I can see where you were going there goons. Believe me, I went there, saw it was shut and headed for the coast.

not in front of my mum anyway...

no

*saves thread for later use*

the question is, would you both repeat it now?

*closes thread, locks up, throws away key*

hehe, lips. That's the best idea I think

colonic irrigation and anal sex with multiple partners at that age?

you should be in hollywood pins.

yeah! but we used a hosepipe.

woohoo

but Pinsie i had two in my mouth...

actually i think it would be best to draw a veil across this whole thing!

100

3 boys pulled a train on you as a kid?
*mind boggles*

100

I vaguely remember tracing round someone, neccid.

Surely mine's worse? Having a willy up your bum at that age??

and you thought yours was bad Pins... did you read mine? did you? agh!

well obviously, otherwise the only career for you would have been with the mounted police.

no, we weren't using the hosepipe at that stage.

Jeeeesssuuus

hosepipe - spooky!

you sick bastards.

surely you don't need a diagram for that, Bio

they used a hosepipe

hehe pins!

i did the hosepipe thing too...

oh i think we had the hosepipe thing once or twice.

Came downstairs, where our mums were having coffee, all totally naked and *ahem* joined together in a "train"

Picture?

Hung around with 3 boys as a kid.

Played naked outside a lot, stuck hosepipes, turned on, up each others bums for bets.

Coloured in all of their willies with felt tip.

Came downstairs, where our mums were having coffee, all totally naked and *ahem* joined together in a "train"

yees

Would you believe me if I said I'd left stuff out?

right, well it can't be worse than Bing, eh?

is sniffing stuff bad?

*files jamrag story in 'do not tell'*

fücking hell bing don't ever call me a degenerate again

yeah! but we used a hosepipe.

hehehe

I made sure I made mistakes so I could learn from them

So much of bing today is moulded on the bing of yesteryear.

I broke in to the girls' dorm at prep school and knicker-sniffed

hehehehehehahahahahaha

I fingered someone when I was 10, so was she. Sniffed my fingers for days. Not terrible, but not normal when you think about it

I think ist is quite normal - most kids would do the same. (I still would probably)

bullying off, shurely?

made a mate's dog smoke a cigarette when I was 11

HAHAHAHA

you utter, utter front-bottom, bing.

The thing of which I'm probably most ashamed I only remembered about 2 months ago. I don't think I've ever told anyone about it.

I've eaten ratshit for a bet, I scooped a skiddy out of my grundies and wiped it in someone else's pants before they woke up

I broke in to the girls' dorm at prep school and knicker-sniffed

I fingered someone when I was 10, so was she. Sniffed my fingers for days. Not terrible, but not normal when you think about it

I made a mate's dog smoke a cigarette when I was 11. It died of doggy-cancer a few years later. How's that for karma?

I was nearly expelled for bullying when I was 12.

expletive!
is that an abridged version, or a commetn on your work crisis?

just fire rockets from the turned round handlebars of a racing bike, clove.

yeah right!!

surprised that no one did anything bad with fireworks

bangers were the highlights of the year in our school

sorry, slight work crisis

expletive!

still holding

holding...

hehe. Ok. Hold up

c'mon pins, work with me here. ;o)

bet i did something *at least* as naughty.

is that why you call your g/f K9? some sort of transference?

how was it?

and it's not called 'wanking' it off, it's cold 'milking' it

someone on here as already admitted to that before

anyone ever wank their dog off? there were various girls when i was younger who were said to have gone overboard in their love for animals

spit i tout pins you big prude

surely it wasn't that naughty Pins?

i'm kind of disappointed by that tg

catholic? dahling, I went to Methodist school, all hale and hearty and out in the open.

hehe. that reminds me of the superbike. a mate's old bike that had the tightest brakes on earth.

he'd lend it to other kids without telling them and 90% would go straight over the top.

you're a rebellious catholic now though aren't you tg? all that repression has finally burst its banks

oh, I did have a rumble with my neighbour Lucy and I did break into another neighbour's car. But apart from that, I was a good kid. :o)

i persuaded this guy that he should attempt this jump over a stream in worsley woods, told him we'd all done it he had a kind of imitation chopper that wasn't equipped for it. went straight over the handlebars and bust his nose open - we laughed like troopers!

I didn't do anything with girls. Oh except learn to masturbate together - just remembered that. hehehe

No, it was all naughty boy action

i was a good kid

I didn't have any female friends, just 8 boys and my sister. I think we had 4 each. not at the same time but one after the other. but nothing toooo bd.

worse than snogging etc. your female friends pins?

it's the "etc" that's nice and vague there don't you think..?

i chucked someone's bike into a 40ft concrete pit, and got nicked for it, but that was in secondary school.

no! Go on Pins!

I think mine is worse lips!

did you do anything with a bike gooner?

i first got drunk when i was 5 - they gave me a gin and orange instead of an orange juice - my folks found me inside some ornamental historical carriage outside this pub nr bolton, puking on the seats

i think i was about 9 Pins! eeeek.

tell me everyone snogged etc. their female friends too..?

i assume by 'kid' we're talking primary school.

allowing terry stokes to give me loads of presents in an attempt to buy my friendship, and then beating him to a pulp on the school field.

setting fire to woodland.

letting my dad's handbrake off on a 40degree slope, with the door open, mangling the door against a tree.

various stonings of other kids.

compiling an arsenal of knives, darts and other weapons for my gang.

countless stuff. it's what being a kid's about.

HAHAHAHA

hehehe Lips! How old were you?

when I was about 12, at a wedding, I spent the evening trying to throw peanuts down my cousin's cleavage.

/does that count?

sheesh you want BLOOD! ;o)

i *honestly* don't remember the details, hand on heart, but i'm 99% sure i put their willies in my mouth...

*hides again*

Jim, I remember putting one straight through someones Green House, the sound of shattering glass was great

tied a load ot bottles together with fishing line, put them on a wall, and tied the other end of the fishing line to the fence on the other side of the road, so that when a car went past, it would hit the line, and pull the bottles down and break them.

Spent ages setting it up, waited for a car and a bloke came past walking his dog and caught us.
He opened his coat to reveal a coppers uniform underneath.

Whooops
Fortunately he just gave us a bollocking and let us go

and?

i measured my bits first pinsie...

oh alright then.

used to play starsky and hutch with the two boys over the road. all ended up with nowt on in the back of their big brother's car and...

*hides*

hehe, stone and tennis rackets. I can remember doing the same thing…

I have a feeling that Dan and Lips maybe able to offer something

*tries desperately hard to think of something dirty I did as a kid, so I can go first and Pins will follow*

*fails miserably*

I had a boring childhood, nothing dirty at all. I didn't even lose my virginity till I was 37.

HAHAHA Shaun you've just made force a bit of wee out with laughter you cant.

Chucking Apples at cars as they drove past our street.

at cub camp the bog consisted of a plank with a hole in it and a bucket.

we stole the bucket but it came off better than we thought - the victim, we'll call him Wally, cos that was his name tucked his feet under the gap left by the bucket and manged to shit through the hole and "clean" back into his pants

Hitting Stones with a tennis rackett off the top of the old Sand pit, used to launch them and just hope they didn't hit anything.

strangled and dismembered my best friend's dog, and left the head in his satchel.

but then every kid did that.

hehe, thanks Jim.

Nope - i refuse to go first until someone else reveals something bad. It's always me

Yeah, but this don't count pins you were a kid. we all did things as a kid, no one will judge you for it

honest...

I think the lines already a good few miles behind you lins, too late to aorry now, out with it…

c'mon pinsy

Look I've told you lot all manner of filthy stuff. i have to draw the line somewhere

hehehe - I haven't got the time to go into this right now....

c'mon pins. Some bird showed me her chuff once

c'mon pins.

i will if you will...

tell pinsy - you know I would

oh dear.
I still do that

I think I best keep mine to myself :0)

the girl was about 5

about 7

hahaha ours involved no more than hands and bits.

how old were you soup?

Chucking eggs at car windscreens then legging it when they slammed the brakes on. Got chased for ages once.

Chucking gravel of the roof of the school at passsers by, then hiding. Someone got a golf club out the boot of their car once and was hanging around, shouting 'i know you little expletiveers are up there, I'm going to expletiveing do you' things along those lines. We shat ourselves.

hehehehe

i dunno what was normal and what wasn't, sooz. Hence I don't want to share!

I refused to pay 50p to see one of my friends cousin's fanny. - Looking back she was prob the vic of abuse. Quite disturbing.

Stuff was done, but not terrible. One bloke I am still very good mates with. It was just the normal wasn't it? sheds, tents, garages.

someone else go first

whisper it!

no way!

Go on then pins - here's your stage: