It only did you good bobbs - cold turkey's very bad for the flesh

Thu - 10 cigarettes / 5 guiness 1/2 bottle Chablis 1/2 bottle Beaune

(defensively - well I was tired)

morning bobs - you been kipping?

bloody wuss.

MORNING ALL!!!!!! (*streches*)

And rightly so. Safest place for his kind.

no sign of bobbins yet today

I reckon hes asleep

oh yeah, sorry! I have found a willing victim - see you all later - bye

I read earlier in the thread. Think someone was talking about economics teachers. Either that or I lost my mind for a few minutes.

fek - now everyone else is busy - HURRY UP!!! HURRY UP!!!!

how embarassing - what brought that memory on then?

My economics teacher was an old family friend. He used to get me to answer multiple choice questions by prompting me "The grade your sister got when she took her economics "A" level" - very embarrassing. Or interrupt the lesson to say "My wife saw your Mum in Tesco's today..". He was always nicking off for a whisky in the middle of lessons!

thanks johnny, knew you would approve

well done, discipline that's the key to good health

no drinks or cigarettes (or sleep really) since Monday - time to get absolutely twatted!

don't like pills - my body is my temple

you could add some pills to the list bobbins. bit lacking in that department.

wealth is a state of mind

fuxake. i'll never be rich.

he doesn't leave his job until now--the sorry yuppie, big new project or something

guess he figures to waste his youth chasing filthy lucre so he can have gold plated sinks when he retires--god love him

how come bobbins is here so late? Doesn't he have a job t go to in the morning?

bobbins exterminator service now open for business

and on that note gentlemen, I bid you good night

E^#

hehehe

economics teachers deserve to be broken. Preferably on the wheel.

we sued to get marks off if we brought politics into our answers though. Or I did anyway; (I was a political hothead in my youth)

mine used to play table tennis for Hampshire - I beat him at our 10 year school reunion and left him a broken man

so was mine

my economics teacher at school was a Labour candidate in the local elections.

ecomnomic realities...heheheheeh

oh yeah - those tories

not even New Lefties?

careful - lefties aren't supposed to talk about ecconomic realities

inelasticity of demand

(supply and demand works that way, obviously)

cheaper than City, even.

£190 in Homesdale lower - the best seats - £140ish, I think, in the family enclosure

go for it. how much did you say for a season ticket rolles?

hoo haah!

not next season, pal! i will be there

admittedly Wimbledon support is complete shite

wombles!!

from the postings i've read, the dons, that's right isn't it, new manager sounds like a real character + he's a commie, hmmmmm
bobbs, see if you can persuade him to sign Chilivert and you will have the most socially conscious team in football!

and I quote "small friendly team" - but you don't enjoy see many small teams giving big clubs a beating

and I quote "small friendly team" - but you enjoy see many small teams giving big clubs a beating

decided which way?

ive just remembered wimbledon's manager is a commie

thats it decided then

(I`m from Manchester)

The Wimbledon home support at the Cup game in January wasn`t great either come to that, but it was a bit difficult to hear them as we outnumbered them nearly two to one. And, in fairness, it was hardly a big game for them.

all that means is that you`re a small team bobbins; (most small teams could say similar things). Which makes it all the more impressive that you`ve stayed in the Premiership that long, and don`t get me wrong I`m all for it. But you`re still southerners and I`m a northener.

hehehe

yeah, but from where you stand everyone except aberdeen, ross and that other one are southern bastards!

come on reykjavik

etc. etc.

QPR are shite. Worst set of home fans I ever came across.

easy to go to reserve games and chat to the team, great youth policy, many first team home grown players - many of the rest are from south london (mainly Millwall), no prima-donnas amongst the players at all, always out and about in the community, (ex-)manager and owner always up for talking to the fans

all I mean is that you`re all southern teams, and I`ll always prefer Northern ones other things being equal

i like qpr
a "soft spot" for the Arse? you City bastard
Palace suck goat's bums, chelsea are death, west ham are ok but the fans are cnuts
sperts are beyond words

so. yeah it'll be orient

friendly? Discuss.

why do we suck Yoss - small friendly team, piece of piss to get tickets and they are expletiveing cheap, nice crowd, never any trouble - if you want you get to see every premiership team for very little - and often get to see teams you dislike get twatted (last season we beat Chelsea, Arse and Liverpool at Selhurst for example)

all the London teams suck at the end of the day. I have a soft spot for Arsenal but you`ll never get tickets. Wimbledon would be my next choice perhaps; Charlton and Palace both okay. Even Chelsea. And West Ham and Orient (just about).
Just stay away from Spurs, Fulham and QPR.

I see it more like a small village of indomitable gauls holding out against the romans

its fakkin sarf innit?

what's wrong with Wimbledon?

hehehe

glad its working out for him

anyway, next season...orient is my team of preference while in london, any comments (other than the obvious?)

oops, there was meant to be another digit in that (oo-er). 17.

ah, that one

she`s 7, I think.

yep - some young lady barely out of the cradle by all accounts

so this "lady gooner" or whatever, means he has a relationship going then?

cool

i am at my parents, back from pub, everyone else has gone to their beds, and i am trying to tire myself out
bobbins you work too hard, mate

ditto, 'cept i just finished supper

I`m at home (from where I always log on) having my nightly peruse before retiring.

nope - quite a way to go tonight methinks - what are you to sad bastards doing logging on anyway?

evening BS. how are you?

waiting for a cab, doubtless

see comment below - hehehe. almost forgotten how to do this shit

what are you doing here this time of night rolles?

Tue - no cigarettes / no beer

(letting my analysts go for a months training may yet be the making of me!)

If you find a beautiful baby, chances are you're health will improve.

hmmm...

goons - not really, I'm on a health kick don't you know!

good for bobbins. healthy people make me ......sick!

and with that, I must go. bye all - back Thursday

bobbins appears to be hell bent on killing himself.

hehe - afternoon donna

100

I love the way bobbins put (glass) after talisker, just to show us he didn't neck the entire bott;e!

7:30 till 9:30pm - a "meeting" in the pub downstairs hehehe

When did you have time to drink 7 bottles of guiness? Were you not rescuing fair damsels from giant spiders and the like?

Mon - 1 cigarette / 7xbottle guiness

Barby! It appears Bio puked and I didn't even know about it! In fact quite a lot of things happened that I don't know about! Party games went down well though. I had a great time thanks.

er, was it a barby or a party I can't remember

morning Sammy - how was your barby?

That sounds like an uncomfortably healthy weekend bobbs! I think I'd better have one of those next weekend!

Congrats for no fags though!

sun - no cigarettes / 1/2 bottle champ (yuk) 1/2 bottle Chablis 1xtalisker (glass)

plonk yourself in fron tof the box with a Camel and a quart of something nice

off home - bye all!

shallow is good; I've never been so shallow and I've never been so happy

Also, the Indie had a piece of research showing that aggressive/diretc people are ahppy people!

tara snap

on am application form from a few years back - admirable response to a question which was something like "Sum up your medium to long term ambitions" - answer "drink lots, drive fast cars, lead a shallow life" - unfortunately HR weren't quite as impressed as me

gotta dash - to the bookies, then movie ( Hal Hartley's The Unbelievable Truth) - should be a nice evening, y'all have one too!

live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse!

well, there are cleaning uppers and there are soaking uppers

I am not comfy with the Red Devil/Manure link, but I get your drift.

Don't become a health bore bobbins, for christsakes. Had a freind who cleaned up his act - whenever he opened his mouth, I felt the urge to ram my fist into it

yeah!

(snapper tired of doing good, kicks wings and dons devil out-fit as well)
eerrr...go on the bobbins, have yerself a fag and a soak of Bruiccladdach - ye've earned it!

(snapper in white angel outfit - donna in red devil get up)

go for the burn bobbins; I spent three weeks in the States being quite sober and it made me miserable

somebody had to give a wakeup call (looks around in desparate search of support)

ouch!

story of your life mate - three weddings, three stags and a funeral

hahahaha

Drink Your Way To Health by Rolles, P A simple guide to the preserving qualities of alcohol

Keep Warm With A Fag, Rolles, P The follow up to the fantastically successful book (above)

Out this autumn; Rustication and Shoe Sniffing; thier part in my Downfall.

Series editor is Markie

Aug 7th-8th - Stag
Aug 12th-15th - Wedding
Aug 21st - Wedding
Aug 28th - Stag
Sep 4th - Stag
Sep 18th - Wedding

six in seven weekends - how the expletive am I meant to get healthy at this rate?

hehehe

she's goign to be an expensive night out rolles Ready to switch to the signed ant and dec t shirt?

£77.50 - I'm still waiting until the last minute - 5 days to go - must remember to look again on Thurs

(goes to have a look)

bobbins; how is the auction going?

bless; I've just turned down lunch at Cafe bruxelle bnecause of the need to process these dbloody surveys

you could drink me under the table no probs.

Fri - 5 cigarettes / 12xbottles of guiness
Sat - no cigarettes / 1xbottle champagne 4xstella 2xguiness

hmmm

aaaaw chris! that's so sweet!
XWP - have a lovely weekend

right; off to do a bit of work then home. Have splendid weekends; I'll be working

sorry - mistimed posting.

i would be really happy if bobbins and tg got together - i think you're both very cool and well suited.

chris - eh?

I don't like stilton

i'm going to australia to grow up, but i don't really want to.

nope

so,bobbs, your ideal date would be with a football-loving, slim, intelligent, attractive woman in fabulous shoes/strappy high-heeled sandals, drinking stacks of Margaux, followed by cigars, port, stilton and hot sex. Am I right?

have a great weekend chris

er, if you say so!

bobbins - I LOVE WOMEN IN GREAT SHOES! ever been to Asia? there are thousands of beautiful slim women in flared pants and strappy seventies heels. trouble is very few of them have got much of a personality, they're brought up to think that's for men only. if you're into shoes and slim ankles, you find yourself in a self-esteem / indulgence dilemma pretty quickly. i'm leaving - there's more to life than platforms, isn't there? isn't there?

wouldn't that be a fivesome chris?

hehehe

i had a threesome with two pairs of mules once

they move on mine too

I'm off again

see ya

Manolo Blahnik, don't-you-know. Only the best for bobbs.

they move on my screen!

hehehe

hmm, in the original the shoes moved.

hmm, wonder if this will work:

Christ you know FAR too much about this stuff

satch - the shoes in Office are a bit clompy - I put it in the same category as Russell and Bromley (opposite the TA headquarters) - only view merchandise if you have an awful lot of time to kill. hehehe

are you a confirmed foot fetishist bobbs?

would you like to appear on You Bet? We blindfold you and you ID shoe maker by the power of sniff

Office is a good'un on the King's Road!

the "shoe tour of London". If you start at Harvey Nichols you can walk past Jimmy Choo, Christian Loubertin, Gina, Gucci and Stephane Killian in a matter of minutes - for the extended tour you can wander down Sloane Street and up the Kings Road which has loads of low rent shoe shops like Pied a Terre, Shellys etc. finishing up at the mecca of all shoe shops Manolo Blahnik on Old Church Street - then to calm down you can have a beer in the next door pub - The Front Page

the Hush Puppies web site

so what do you do bobbins when you're in need of a good shoe fix and there are none on your doorstep so to speak. Where do you go to get those juices flowing?

no drinking out of glass slippers, I hope

hehehe

loads of really crap cocktails - black velvet was the most like beer I could find - horrible - fortunately I managed to liberate a bottle of wine from the people who were mixing stuff. very stuffy party, held in the front hall of the V&A - lots of very dressed up wives and girlfriends though => good shoes.... which was nice!

lager will spoil all of you rgood alcohol work

how was the cocktail party? Was the Black velvet the limit in terms of mixing your alcohol in one glass?

sorry - no can do

bobbins; you really should stop drinking.............lager

Thu - 5 cigarettes (doh) / 1xblack velvet / 1xbottle white / 2xstella

byeee!

lovely - I'm off to (i) finalise builders for my roof yay! (ii) go to shite work cocktail party. Watch this thread for the next installment of the hall of shame!

hehehe. Incidentally, you can purchase fab pictures of diseased body parts at www.photostogo.com

incontinence pants?

well, yeah, the other two have blast talking him into doing it...

only 1 in 3?

even old women's flannel pants?

bit incoherent today (as always) - sorry

That's like when I had my chest X-Ray last year. I was half expecting a packet of Malboro Lights to show up in each lung.

...and one in three male - when let alone in a bed-room will put ladies'-knickers on head!!!

tg - I know - thats why I'm cutting down - however my likkle liver currently has a clean bill of health (I was sweating while I waited for that one though I must admit)

I'm just glad I too lazy to be a heavy drinker. Having to keep getting up to go to the fridge doesn't suit my lifestyle. But if I had one of those little portable fridges..........

cheer him up why don't you tanky!!!!

buggerd if i'm staying healkthy, just so I can be hit by a bus

Liver Disease:

Approximately 10 to 35 percent of heavy drinkers develop alcoholic hepatitis, and 10 to 20 percent develop cirrhosis. In the United States, cirrhosis is the seventh leading cause of death among young and middle-age adults. Approximately 10,000 to 24,000 deaths from cirrhosis may be attributable to alcohol consumption each year.

the Count who likes to coouuuunt!

you dirty devil

stevie - when I was little I was abused by a sesame street character (who has to remain nameless for legal reasons). they often say that the abusee becomes the abuser. One, One foaming pint of guiness

AK - with the amount he puts away, he won't notice if you type Bibbins instead of Bobbins. Or Boobins or anything else really.

are you just obssessed with counting things, or is there a f*ckin point to all of this?

I'll drink to that.

smoking v good.

check in next week

yours

Dr Markie.

down from 20-30 a day - I reckon that is pretty good. and before you have a go about my drinking - understand this, I have had (i) a full medical and (ii) a full fitness test since I hit 30 and I'm happy to say they gave me a clean bill of health and said I was fairly fit - so you saddos have wasted your 20s minding your health whilst I've been having a right laugh HAHAHAHAHAHA!

work out the units

divide by number of days

multiply by seven

divide by 21

= number of times over healthy drinking limts you are.

I think the word 'Heath' is about right!

bibbins=bobbins

Tuesday's are your downfall. Just stay in bed for the next few and see if you feel better for that.

14 pints of stella in 1 night, jezus h christ, my best is about 12 and then I was going out and having about 6 or 7 pints of it every night and I was hammered, bibbins is the Lush out of FHM

the story so far...

Sun - no cigarettes / one bottle wine
Mon - no cigarettes / NO ALCOHOL
Tue - 10 cigarettes / 14 pints Stella
Wed - 1 cigarette / 6 pints of Guiness
Thu - no cigarettes / 2 1/2 bottles wine - 5 budvars
Fri - no cigarettes / 6xGuiness 1.5 bottles of red 4xJ&B
Sat - no cigarettes / 3xStella 2.5 bottles of red
Sun - no cigarettes / 1 bottle of red
Mon - no cigarettes / 3xGuiness / 96.5kg
Tue - 2 cigarettes / 7xGuiness
Wed - 10 cigarettes / 9xStella / 10 cigarettes
Thu - (the night of shame) 60+ cigarettes / 14 beers - 2xred 1/3 cognac 1.3 Lagavulin
Fri - no cigarettes / 1/2 bottle of red
Sat - no cigarettes / 1x1 beers 1xbailys 1xrum 'n' coke 1xpimms (ah the order silly drinks game)
Sun - no cigarettes / 1xwhite 1xred
Mon - 2 cigarettes / 5xbudvar
Tue - 15 cigarettes / 5xKroenburg
Wed - no cigarettes / 1 bottle guiness

Thats all the support you need,and you know it.I was 30 a couple o' year ago and tried the same thing.For a full FOUR days!

well thanks alot - I've been on a heath kick for the last three weeks and this is all the support I get!

Hello Bobbins,its me again.Well,after reading about that barrage of beer and wine I must say fair play to you.I love consuming vast quantities of the stuff meself.And I shall be doing so later cos I've got a wedding to go to.

I drink a lot but bobbins makes me feel healthy

The "Saveloyfest" thread was over a thousand strong

I really don't know how you're still alive. If I drank that much that regularly I would be pickled.

hehehe (catches it and throws it back)

nope, they've been over 500

(throws punch)

Is this the longest thread ever?

always eat well

I've been a lot worse, but could be a bit more progressive lately if you dig?

Please eat well

great - how are you old chap?

this thread has been going steady for 16 days now.

are feeling ok King Rollo?

c'est moi

is he still alive?

hurrah!

(applause)

Wednesday - 1 bottle guiness / no cigarettes

And last night?

Monday - 5xbudvar (bottles) / 2xcigs / 2hrs gym
Tuesday - 5xKroenburg / 15xcigs
Wednesday - so far walked to work from Tower Hill out of smoking guilt attempting to work out why I have no problem not smoking until I have a couple of beers and then I'm in serious trouble

What news bobbs?

The people must be told

Glad you enjoyed that drinking software thingie - I think its great - I've wanted some cocktail recipes for ages.

well, just thought I'd check - keep up the good work

bottles of course - what kind of big girls blouse do you think I am!

Sunday: - bottles or glasses?

Friday (erm evening) no cigarettes / 1/2 bottle of red

Saturday no cigarettes / 1xgrolsh 3xfosters (star wars) 1xrolling rock 2xguinness 1xhogarden 2xstrongbow 1xstella 1xbailys 1xrum 'n' coke 1xpimms (ah the order silly drinks game)

Sunday no cigarettes / 1xwhite 1xred

I think Rolles has popped his clogs

don't do it - I feel like I'm going to be sick, I'm about to pass out from exaustion and my insides feel like I've drunk a mug of battery acid

bloody hell, rolles, i can't keep up with your intake or your name chanages. How boring was I last night:
Fags: 0
Food: none
Gym: 90 minutes
Drink: Bottle of Evian.
I'm going to ruin my reputation as a party girl. Rolles, any handy tips on larging it?

expletive the grilled marlin - this double cheese burger is certainly hitting the spot

I used to have to put the slop bucket stuff in the pressurised lager barrels, highly illegal and just a little bit dangerous too. Bits of everything mixed in, but it only ever went in the strong lager barrels which I never drank so I didn't care.

erm, er ooh thats disgusting erm

i used to work in a nightclub and we had slop buckets for lager, bitter etc, and the people we didn't like we used to serve them the slops.

rolles - hehehe

*shame*

beria - uuuuughhh!

hmmm - thats better

I'm changing my log in name

We used to stay till the bar closed, then ran round the room "Doing the Dregs" before the barpeople could clear the glasses away...

I knew someone at University who did that - made himself out to be a big drinker, but we caught him chucking pints away and making out he'd drunk them

So funny.

I'm sure bobbins isn't doing that btw - it just reminded me of it

Happy days - University was fantastic fun.

I reckon he chucks the pints down the bog when no-one is looking.

• Fags 60+
  
• 3 pints at work
  
• 6 pints at bowling alley
  
• 2 beers in glasses at Chinese
  
• 2 bottles red at Chinese
  
• 4 beers at my house
  
• 1/3 bottle cognac
  
• 1/3 bottle Lagavulin
  
• betting - lost £646
  

I bow down in reverence.

Reading this thread is like staring at a car crash....

(catches punch from weak bobbins - laughes - throws bobbins to ground in one easy movement)

hehehehe

(throws punch)

mind you, my legs are sore from playing squash.

must be bad for you.....

hells teeth

bobbins, this thing has been running 10 days.

Would you like me to calculate a running total over those days?

"that was then - this is now. I'm grown up now"

Perudo

what sort of betting?

shit

Fags 60+
Booze er,
3 pints at work
6 pints at bowling alley
2 beers in glasses at Chinese
2 bottles red at Chinese
4 beers at my house (group came back there)
1/3 bottle cognac (probably more but there were three of us so simple division)
1/3 bottle Lagavulin (probably more but there were three of us so simple division)
joints - none - they are rubbish
betting - lost £646

bad evening

Come on, fill in the boxes, its the only way

Fags -----
Booze ---- (specify types)
Joints ----

*shame*

You know this is gonna kill you?!?

Where did you go?

finished up at 8:30 came straight into work - absolutely shit faced

come on bobs

you are among friends

tell all.

ask?

oh my god - don't even ask

aches

pains

complaints

beaten

badly

booked - 9.30pm Wanstead Squash Club

Its always nice to get an early ambulance booking, they are so much cleaner

I played a month ago and almost passed out!

Body bag job

hehehe

workouterizor!

hehe

I'm playing squash tonight for first time in ages

I think I'll book the ambulance now

hehe - beat me to it donna

but but but I can use it infront of the TV whilst wearing my electronic muscle workouterizor pads that give the equivalent of 500 sit ups without you having to move (or so they said on QVC)

If you want a six pack, just go down the offy!

hehehe. looking for that elusive six pack? want to get rid of those love handles? why not try the new Chuck le Brave trimsywhimsysizer. 13 installemnts of $39. Folds into your pocket and come with this free juicer!

(for no apparent reason)

(throws punch)

sounds nice, it'll look good in the loft

...which folds up neatly for easy storage..

you mean I should cancel my order for a Jack la Lane Aerobicizer?

bobbins; stop trying to be healthy. It will make you miserable

getting like that with me - my tolerance isn't what it once was

when I was young free and single, I probably had 7 - 10 pints of stella a night, everyone thought I was turning into an alchie, which I probably was, 7 pints of the stuff now and I'm bladdered.

practice makes perfect (oh and probably being twice as big as you)

I have only once drunk 9 pints of Stella and it's not something I wish to repeat. How do you do that?

Keep it up bobbins

Don't lost faith

you do know Philip Morris are being accused of putting "extras" into their cigarettes to make them more addictative. It's not surprsing you succummed.

I'm trying to give up as the big three-o approaches. It aint easy.

Wed: 2 mile walk / 9xStella / 10 cigarettes

*face burns with shame*

I WILL REDOUBLE MY EFFORTS!!!

fine - they managed to get most of the lump out of it without slicing off the earlobe - so thankfully my model good looks are intact

XWP - greetings! You survived the WWC then?

bobbins; how's the ear?

hmmm calories in 1.5 hours in the gym - probably 600-900 burned (I'm too unfit to burn more

7 pints of guinness has approximately 1,400 calories

That's the great thing about you bobs. When you insult someone you always do it on the right thread.

oop wrong thread - meant to be insulting you on other thread

as long as commies don't get into positions of power I find their belief in human nature and generally child-like naivite quite quite charming. there there BusStop

bobbins what is the calorie sum for 1.5 hours in gym + 7 guiness?
2 fags...doing well

size of a small boxing glove? weird
leathery?

Tuesday: Gym 1.5h / 2 cigarettes (doh!) / 7xGuiness

okidoki.

Re: Kutna Hora - Don't think so. I'll start a new thread...

I went 3 years ago. We took the coach there - 24 hrs and then stayed in the hostel above the central station. They'd really cleaned it up from the pictures I'd seen of the Velvet revolution.

I went to Prague ten years ago

student boring travel story.....before it changed....blather....blah....blither......spent 10p on accomodation, beer and a meal for four....etc.etc....have you been there recently.....

Prague is excellent, seth.

Where abouts did you stay and what did you see. Did you go to Kutna Hora by any chance?

I had the best steak I have ever eaten in Prague last week. It was about the size of a small boxing glove, rare as a fucking penny black and seved with little bundles of green beans wrapped in prosciutto.

mmm-mmm

Yes siree. And it only cost about 8 quid.

The beer was fab too.

expletiveing love it

Steak Tartare anyone?

Do pills

I must admit - I love steak.

oh believe me, I intend to seth. However heavy smoking means that now I get out of breath just lifting the fork with the steak on to my mouth

Who cares. We're all going to die anyway. Eat Steak! Drink Wine! Laugh in the face of Cholesterol!

the really sad thing about going down the gym yesterday was in how much worse condition most of my colleages were - and they haven't even been enjoying themselves!

I'm not overweight for someone who is 6'4", either.
Unfortunately, I'm only 5'4".

Does that mean I'm overweight or undertall?

another fair point

my calorie problem isn't the food its the lager - anyway, I not actually very overweight for someone who is 6'4"

fair point

made with milk and cream - look on a fresh soup packet - about 500 calories I bet - you only need about 2000 a day.

anyway, I'd rather kill myself than change my eating habits - I love food

the occasional soup - but what's wrong with vegetable soup?

just a thought

my diet is absolutely excellent, no sugar, no salt, loads of vegetables, loads of fish, loads of pasta - the only time I ever eat anything else is when I go out to dinner once or twice a week

Are you changing diet as well?

How about stopping soup?

I lost 6lbs just by getting off at Tottenham Court Road and walking up to Euston Road every day (1 mile) rather than being a lazy git and going up to Warren Street.

Small changes can make a big difference over time.

today gym 1.5hrs tomorrow off though 15st 2lbs

today gym?

whats that in stone?

Monday 1.5 hrs gym / no cigarrettes / 3xGuiness / 96.5kg

90 is the target

what is really worrying is that I thought it was a really mature weekend because I went out to dinner on Saturday and didn't have my usual massive piss-up

christ you do drink a lot bobbins, but you seem to be getting better
gving upi the fags probably makes the rest seem worthwhile, because after all if you are smoking it is hard to feel good even if you do 4 hours in the gym

on second thoughts - do what you like!

Drink is next me thinks

start by saying no to the third bottle of red

Friday no cigarettes / 6xGuiness 1.5 bottles of red 4xJ&B

Saturday no cigarettes / 3xStella 2.5 bottles of red

Sunday no cigarettes / 1 bottle of red

just got back from 1 1/2 hours in the gym

not bad eh? (definitely drink way too much though - hadn't realised until I started to write it down)

no - I think his coat is here - its cold out Chris; you really do need it.

chris - saw it, liked it

chris

I am holding my arm out parallel to the floor - in my hand is a navy blue Harrington-style jacket - is it yours?

i got it.

cat, man do?

hehe

bobbins, I invented a joke that nobody noticed except Getty, who didn't get it.

I went to a bestiality party in Nepal.
Katmandu?
No, mostly sheep actually.

One Aldwitch

(wheres mi coat?)

in the middle

where is that bobbo?

went to Axis - not very good

Shit - it's fookin clouded over - we're meant to be havin a big picnic tomorrow

your lunch sounded heavy

I'm off the beers until tonight;

Tell a lie - it's gonna be Talisker, dhansak and a big reefer.

it does look obscene when you actually write it down - this is definitely helping me feel disgusted with myself

I get that too Markie. And my bathers insist on stripping me before they get their kit off.

Still, it aint a bad way to wake up in the morning.

Satch, I think it's just you, or maybe your local curry house.

oops - forgot about lunch yesterday - add another bottle and a half of wine and 5 budvars

I have never been to an Indian where they do that.

and I've been to dozens.

my servants however never leave the room with their backs to me; which is a bit odd

Or when you order:

customer: "Can I have a chicken Madras please?"

waiter: "Yes please"

I swear it freaks me out

"No please"

Eh Snatchy - I have never ever come across that - maybe it's because you are royalty

it's a multi-level psychosis.

Your liver rolles

hehehe

Could be mine as well....

Why do waiters in Indian restaurants always say 'please' at the end of every sentence, even if they have blatently lived here all their lives and speak perfect English?

eg:

customer: "Do you sell Carlsberg?"
waiter: "No please"

It's weird.....

I was sick about five minutes later, so I'm not sure how much was absorbed, then I fell in the bath which was full of ice cold water and beer, then I stumbled around for a bit, then I passed out

A pint of 45% whisky is about ten pints of beer, in terms of alcohol content, in one go. jeez. what was it like afterwards? do anything apart from pass out?

If it's sunny tonight I'm sittin on the roof with some Talisker and a dhansak - it's amazin' how much 40% influences me life.

that's the one Markie.... yum!

nope - sorry Chris, I'm on a mission to clean up my act

Don't do it! Anything a doctor might tell you can only be bad. Live in blissful ignorance until your liver gives up in disgust.

i was getting a bit worried that I can't get through twenty four hours without some booze, but it's usually little more than one or two whiskies / wine / beer. you have reassured me bobbins. keep it up.

Was this the one?

Oh right - I must have missed that - sorry

It was my bleedin 30th for pitys sake! (I am going to see a doctor and have a full health check though - I've drunk so much over the last 10 years I'll be amazed if I haven't done myself some internal damage)

thanks for your concern!

A pint of talisker in one is a good effort on the suicide front.

but hey, that was Saturday and doesn't count.

mind you I can't talk today - I feel dreadful

good. it just seemed that you were trying to kill yourself - which can be bad for your health.

just concerned matey. good to see you're making an effort.

I'm a very happy man actually booner - life is good. I'm guessing, if I hadn't quit I would have had about 140 cigs - I had 11 so thats an improvement of 129. Tuesday was a one off even - can not legislate for that - the rest is pretty reasonable I think

bobbins - are you an unhappy man?

Cigarettes - good
Alcohol - poor

whose birthday is it next week?

I think I'm doing rather well

In Summary:

Sun - no cigarettes / one bottle wine
Mon - no cigarettes / NO ALCOHOL
Tue - 10 cigarettes / 14 pints Stella
Wed - 1 cigarette / 6 pints of Guiness
Thur - no cigarettes / one bottle wine

aside from Tuesday which was my best friends birthday I think that is pretty fantastic

this thread is a catastrophic tale of ill health

8 - Jul - one bottle of red / no cigarettes

bollox. sweat like pigs they do.

that's what's tempting me to go. Of course I'll be looking at the glistening totty because as we know women don't sweat!

Gyms are great! I joined a gym last night. Phoaarr. Loads of totty, all sweaty....

OK it kicks off on monday - I'll put a small report in the journal

We'll want a daily report on what you do and how fit you get.
My boss goes to a gym in Croydon, but the only reason I can see is because some rather shapely girls from work go there too.

ah

free gym at work

Gym will cost more than £10 per week.

You'd be better off giving him a tenner a week and spending what you save by not going to the gym on booze.

made bet with person at work lose ten quid each week unless I go to gym at least 3 times. ho hum

6 pints of Guiness / 1 cigarette which I put out after two puffs cos I was disgusted with myself

maybe just the one pint before I head off home - you know to reward myself for not smoking all day. mmmmmmm

Hmm, we appear to be cross-threading.

It's terrible.

I am Alex Ferguson's illegitmate love child.

Mine scored the winning goal in the 1944 Fa Cup final.

My dad killed Hitler you know. And scored the winning goal in the 1949 FA Cup final.

I was 30 on the 3rd of July young man! remember we didn't go to the same school but I knew quite a lot of people at Glen Ayre that you knew there

Come on bobbins he was the gullible kid that everyone used to wind up.

Hey, Boobins. You are 30 this week? I am 30 in August. Are you sure you don't know me, considering we lived about four streets away from each other?

making dodgy dealings, whilst snatchy writes about them

bob bob bobbins
goes flob flob flobbins
a long

no offence

well, me.

course I fancy tankie - who doesn't?

I reckon bobs fancies tankie...

Yep. The E-Plan. I lost two stone!

flabby man-breasts prehaps.. but no beer belly

Do e's - that gets rid of beer bellies and they're quite good fun too.

I don't really have a beer belly

because the beer belly has to go! It's gotta go. Men with beer bellies. Ugh!

anyway the beer belly is on it's way out now I'm mature and on a fitness kick

very nicely thankyou

(He's just ordered Alloy training wheels for it tankie)

So, how's the beer belly coming along, bobbs?

What was wrong with Jan 1? Too fat?

I gave up on Jan 2nd this year

14 pints! Jeez. The most I've ever done IN MY LIFE is 12 pints in one night and that made me get naked in a very inappropriate place.

Bobbins, keep trying to stay off the fags, it's worth it in the end

(*lights up another marlboro*)

I don't know, I quite fancy being able to go out for 14 pints midweek.

I just know that I'd die.

hmmmmm - I really ought to go and find myself a bird shouldn't I

Put it this way bobbins,

Your're 30, I'm 28

You spent last night out on the lash

I spent it going round B&Q working out with my girlfriend how much (too much) to spend on a new kitchen which we are doing over the next two months.

Compare and contrast.

I reckon the pros and cons of both our situations are probably about equal, though opposite.

if only I couldn't I'd be a expletive sight healthier

you know what the real problem is? I can take it unfortunately

*hides*

bobbins, you can't take it, you know you can't, your're old.

14 pints midweek - bloody hooligan - no wonder you support Wimbledon

erm

10 cigarettes / 14 pints

*shame*

jesus bobbins you are hardcore. a pint of whisky in one? no wonder you're feeling old. try injecting about 10ml of vodka, it'll get you absolutely f*cked in ten seconds and the hangover's not too bad.

aye, that's exemption. Like I've got another wedding at the weekend, and I'm now off the antibiotics- wa hey!

well, not as slim as I was. Bit of a tyre.

it's my mates birthday - that counts as special exemption - what I need to stop is the "go to the pub after work and have a swift five pints" bit

you were quite thin anyway weren't you?

bobbins: I've lost a stone in the last month through being ill and off booze.
So deliberately get the pox or something.

ta

luck

I'm off to the pub - wish me luck

Tue so far

no cigarettes / no alcohol

the real test is tonight - my mates birthday party

gospel truth - ask anyone who has ever played for Bramcote Cricket Club near Nottingham.

a 30 year old getting drunk for the sake of it...

Jesus!! No fekking way!!!

like I said - it's all in the dim distant past now - if you don't believe me just follow old man bobbins heath journal over the comming weeks

3-2!

I was on a cricket tour once and we won the `eating the daddy long legs out of the pub urinals' contest

expletiveing sad

I can imagine the scene

Its not pretty

Talisker is a fine whisky to be treated with reverence and to be drunk carefully

You have been most naughty

it was the pint of piss that really separated out the real contenders in the down in one competition though

I threw up in the bathroom - then fell into the bath tub that was full of water, ice and beer - expletiveing sad

sorry, it can't be done in one - the taste is too strong.

I don't believe you.

Half pint maybe

Also - you'd be basically dead after about an hour.
(which you probably were)

knees startign to buckle bobbs? back beginning to ache in the morinings? having to hold magazines a little closer to your eyes?

BTW deeply depressed about the Talisker - didn't realise what I'd done until Sunday morning

I prefer S Club 7

that was then - this is now. I'm grown up now. Any one want my Brittany Spears CD?

pint of Talisker in one?

big waste

bloody neanderthal

since passing out in a pool of vomit early on Sunday morning (down in one pint of wine followed by down in one pint of Talisker (what a waste!))

Sun - no cigarettes / one bottle wine
Mon - no cigarettes / NO ALCOHOL

to be continued....