It's legal Div. They wouldn't be able to do anything other than get a bit jealous.

Like you by the sound of things.

i don't listen to nouveau riche rude-boys like yourself, Mr Divot.

only prorer thing to do is to send the police to you.

fate must be conspiring in my favour.

"You might be just a girl, but you're a woman to me". The first line of the first song played on my radio this morning. Hehehe.

17 year old is ok to get your nob into, as long as your not an ancient old wrinkley, (under 26)

she is a teletubbie

Is she a nurse?

morals well out of window now. they never last long.

goons if you are having a moral dilemma just shag her and pretend ou thought she was 25.

it's turned into a mass debate for divvie.

some debate eh?

it is about gooner putting his prick in a child..... hehehehehe

Is this a debate then - what is it about?

hehehehehehe, how do you?

some advice. if you don't want to debate something. stay off the thread.

Div may I ask how you know their names?

shaun: hehehehe, that is what I thought too. Lala, Po

she outlarges the div @ the weekend.

goons - here's some advice - if you wanna f**k her - then f**k her - okay - end of debate.

he's trippin' shaun, goons is trippin'

eh?

that's on too late for her.

she'll be in bed.

actually div, it appears she has a social life that even outstrips yours.

have fun with her watching the Teletubbies. hehe

sooooo, divvie. you don't think that she could possibly be more entertaining, witty, and even interesting than any of the diseased slappers you pay for? purely because of her age?

tsk tsk, div. i thought more of you. you're just an old woman really.

whatever gooner, whatever.

you love 'specialist' sex over there don't you?

when you say lady, i take it you mean 70+.

or a lady sheep.

gooner, don't feel offended by what I said. For me personally it is unbelievable to feck a 17 year old. I want a lady not a child. but be my guest and have fun with her.

sorry div, i forgot you dutch guys were into, er, well, dutch guys.

and 12 year olds, and goats and things.

get in her knickers than.

shaun - positive signals, but not concrete.

would not consider myself 'on a promise'.

hehe

you wouldn't see gooner's with the light on

Yopu don't see them if the light is turned off, Divvie

gooner - The dutch are liberal and me too. I cannot give a f'uck if you do her or you don't. But who wants a sexual relationship with a 17 year-old. Probably you come in her room and you can see all her posters of Boyzone.

she talked to him didn't she?

expletive that, get me some proper drugs!

goons

Just a minor point, but did she show any inkling that she may want to f**k you?

i thought the dutch were liberal.

shaun more bleedin' lik guv'nor. div can't spell that well.

this says more about gooner than about the girl. 17 years! For god's sake; it is still achild. Gooner grow up man....

tg - i'm sure we could get some sanatogen down you to keep you active, old girl.

thanks AA. i think you've sussed it there.

a combination of semi-dormant paedophilic tendencies, and my own lack of social ability and self-esteem have led me to this action.

div is here, goons
hehehe

nice e-mail address. btw goons, are you sure I'd have the energy...I'm getting on a bit now... ;0)

well, Gooner dear. It seems to me that you really are quite keen on this girl for all the right reasons. Of course, if you were just taking advantage of her innocent naivety to get into her knickers it would be wrong (more fun, but wrong). I'm sure that isn't what you are after. You just want to hang around with a much younger girl, because you feel 17 is closer to your own level of maturity, ducks. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you are intimidated by women above 20, or that you can't hold your own in a conversation with women of your own age. It is a common problem that many men have.

You ignore what everyone else says and I hope you have a lovely relationship with the young child.

As for chat up lines and ways to impress her, I always think a bit of research does no harm. Have a look in a toyshop and find out all you can about the latest outfits for Barbie dolls. You could even take her one as a present. She would love that.

If her teeth were shit you could offer to get her up the duff so she can get free dental care - that is a good chat-up line

shaun - teeth good. hips okay, though they might cause problems in 50-60 years. hind legs smashing.

tg - i know. packed full of loving, every youthful inch. if i ever got my hands on you, well...

Yeah - Sue Barker needs a seein' to goons.

Gooner - The Cliff Richard of relationships.

goons, you're hardly old, are you! I mean, you're 24! That's young totty!

What are her teeth like goons?

suffice to say, if it were a life/death decision, i may not come here for advice.

Well can I then.

Hilarious - innit?

BS - i'm a veteran love machine.

i've decided that, if she'll have me, i'm going for it.

to hell with the consequences. i've had enough of this crazy world and it's square rules. we'll just be a couple of crazy kids finding our way through life.

forget the olds, we'll do it our way.

come on everybody, let's put on a show!!

I'm not 17 (clearly) and I meant to say no (obviously).

isn't this a serious advice site?

oh shit

You're meant to say no Tankie.

Yopu don't need to worry unless you're 17

Bussie - not sure if yer missin' the point here - I do not think goons is lookin' for serious advice here - if he is gawd-f**kin help 'im.

i do sleep on my stomach. i'm worried now.

It's foolproof stevie

i take it gooner has had girlsfriends before, so all this advice may be beside the point.
as for the age thing, 17 is above the legal age limit so it is up to he and she

goons?

aaaaarrggggghhhh its the rapist DJ!!!! Slip them a rohitnol (whatever its called)

Richard something, f*ckin leg it!

OK do you sleep on your stomach tg?

sleep on their stomach? am I missing something? do i really want an answer?

you've hit the jackpot, gooner

Just tell em a few jokes - pop a pill with em, then invite yerself back to theirs - that tends to work.

seth - i'm pogoing in my office now.

i thought so.

weight, skin complexion, periods, shitting, bell-end cheese, one's past infidelity, VD, fox hunting - all good topics for chatting women up.

Ask her if she sleeps on her stomach.

'you don't sweat much for a fat lass.'

tell her how intelligent she is. she sounds it and it's usually appreciated.

even when it does.

good idea shaun - you may as well start now, because once you do get into a loving, long term relationship prepare to spend most of your time trying to convince her that her "bum does not look big in those trousers"

She's way too much,
much too young
Now you're goin' with a kid
when you could be having fun with someone your own age, alright?
Oh no, no giwwe no bwoy pickney

She's way too much,
much too young
And now you're sleepin' wiv a girl
who's never even heard of the Fun
Boy Three, let alone the Specials or Selecter, man.
We do-wa, we do-wa, we do-wa no fun bwoy tree

Ain't she cute?
No she ain't.
She's just another topic on the 40%.

Talking about her weight is a good idea goons - women love that.

not those words. but things along the lines of them being so much more 'worldly wise' than their peers.

tends to work i find.

in this case, i can say it and be honest - which makes a nice change.

I've never commented on any woman's age or maturity unless asked to do so . In that case there is no such thing as as correct response, whatever you say and however you say it will be judged and deemed either wrong/insincere/lying or "you didn't even hear what I said!"

Yeah - must admit "ooh you are sophisticated" doesn't spring from my lips as a chat-up line

men commenting on my age and maturity and sophistication (real or imagined) generally signal a death knell, but that's just me

Provided you say those exact words - by the time they get to 21: mature=old and sophisticated=boring

please! i've got loose trousers on.

is it true that younger women are impressed when you tell them that they are so mature/sophisticated for their age?

I look forward to coming into work on Monday and seeing the smile on Gooner's postings.

I was serious...about the gym kit..

nooooooooo!!!

leave me alone!! i'll have a coronary.

blof - i'm very light mate. i think tg was a bit serious.

reason for teh title is cos of that other one about 16 year old girl tennis players.

and you're probably right. she's probably more grown up than what i am.

seth - i have hair.

hehehe

"He said I looked like Caprice and that his nickname was donkey, so I just had to find out and before you ask he's shit at football"

Girly Mate 1 - "So, he likes football?"

"Funny" Girl [nervously] - "Yeah, Arsenal."

Girly Mate 2 [suspicious] - "Is he Nick Hornby?"

"Funny" Girl - "Sort of."

Girly Mate 1 - "Ditch him then. The sad fucker."

hey Goons, I don't think TG seriously suggested you were being dirty, just making a light hearted comment. Anyway doesn't your title start with "is it dirty"? Sounds like you weren't too sure yourself when you posted.

Lighten up and live a little. Anyway I thought Women were supposed to mature quicker than blokes anyway, so perhaps 17-24 isn't such a big gap. She might even consider that at 24, you might need to grow up a bit.

Basketball!!

97-90?

26-19... rugby score?

It sounds like a bizarre sexual position, bobs.

I did 26-19. lovely - not a problem at all

she can push my wheelchair.

Fair enough, I'm only teasing, you dirty old codger!

What's that? Pissed off at having shingles?

Hehehehehehehehe!

Good luck goon. You deserve a helping hand.

At your age.

tg - woke up next to. but that's it.

i'm am not into the 'dirtiness', and am very offended by your inference.

she's really nice, and i get on well with her. i'm not into it because she's young - i wish she was a couple of years older - but because i like her.

say it lasted a while. would you still disapprove at 25-18, or 26-19, or 27-20?

to be quite honest, i'm pissed off at being single, so if the opportunity arises to have something good in my life, i'll take it.

i think the supporters outweigh the disapprovers on here, and that's matched amongst my other friends.

chris - thanks matey. nail on head.

Sounds painful Shirley

lass' friends - "urgh, It'd be like having sex with Austin Powers, yuk."

"Hey Shirley - is that Gooner's ring you're wearing?"
"Uh huh!"

bloody hell! 24, really old? bollocks is it

hehehehe

"oh shit, he says he's moving back to London!"

Is the lass in question talking to her friends at this very minute saying "there's this guy I fancy, but he's really old. Should I give go for it or stick to someone my age, who understands music and stuff?"

WHAT? The absolute CAD!

Besides, goons has already confessed that he woke up next to a beautiful woman this weekend. Surely that's way over his quota for the year!

But that doesn't stop us calling goon a dirty old codger!
Hehehehehehehehe!

it's not tg - he's really into her and is just a bit wary because she's so young, i think.

(or so I've been told)

bobs

They keep playin' that Mel G shite

chris, there is a bar in London called School Dinners

ah the romance of sexual exploitation!

If it's the sordid "dirtiness" of the whole thing that turns you on, goon, wait 15 years and then try for a 17 year old again.

speaking of Brittany - they played her new single on Kiss FM last night - what has happened to this supposedly cool radio station!?

gooner, there's a bar in Bangkok called Classroom...

shaun - the violent femmes were class! absolute class.

gooner get her to wear some britney spears stuff and sing songs. you could double as an agent as well as a dirty old man. um.. same thing really.

(then give me all the details..wink wink)

I heartily disapprove but I couldn't help getting in the spirit of it. Goons, leave well alone, poor girl.

Don't give him ideas, tg.

gooner loves tg, so this is the crucial opinion

So, make sure she wears her gym kit...hehehe.

She's probably still at school or something.

tg

Goons is after a bunkup not a f**kin referendum

...and I'll introduce her to my younger brother, WHAT KIND OF PERV DO YOU TAKE ME FOR!!!!

Is this something to do with Quantum Theory?
Professor Schrodinger's jazz mag?

A bird in the box is better than two off the wrist

look gooner - when you are down in London, you get the funny one, introduce me to the pretty one.

Ah balti - into the Femmes

you are about to take part ijn a game show. There are 2 burds, one looker which you may shag, one funny which you definitely could shag. There is an all seeing Being which can predict your decision. If he thinks you'll go for burd 1, he puts an old scuddy mag in the box, but if he thinks you'll choose burd2 then you get both burds in the box.

what do you do?

I wondered who that was in the long mac on the Highbury terraces.

i love you too tg.

i know you approve really.

You dirty dirty pervert even considering it. Go buy yourself a mag and have a hand shufty at home. She can't even expletiveing vote.

sorry

Oh dear.

supple enough to spread, old enough to bed.

old enough to bleed, old enough to breed, thats my moto.

but bobbino, you could teach me so much...

i know which one i want, mr porn.

when i met the two together, i was drawn to the funny one.

mind you, t'other would be a fantastic 'trophy' or 'accessory' girlfriend - but you would be shitting yourself every time a bloke met her.

steady on gooner - 17 year old girl yes - 29.99 year old man - maybe not

gone daddy gone
the love is gone

The dilemma is does he go for thye defo shag for the one with a "personality" or go all out to shag the belter.

i love you man.

no dilemma at all is there? - go for it.

bobbins!! pour toi.

A hooker?

I started off wanting someone who was half my age, but earned twice my salary.

I settled for someone who was a third younger, but earns a third more.

hehehe

"We have the technology - we can rebuild him"

He's back!!!!!!!!!

i want him to fuk off now. but this is not for this thread.

But he will sulk in the reserves

He's stayin at Highbury I reckon

Yeah he's shit and so are Arsenal......

He's f**kin lost it - goons come back to us - begin talkin about Anelka

I think you are getting a bit carried away goons.....

well she was just seventeen,
and you know what i mean,
the way she looked,
was way beyond compare.

well, i couldn't dance with another,
when i saw saw her standing there.

well she looked at me,
and now i could see,
that before to long,
i'd fall in love with her.

well i couldn't dance with another ooooooh,
when i saw her standing there.

I can tell by the way that you baby walk
I can tell by the way that you baby talk
I can tell by the way that you love your man
I could love you baby but it's a crime

Cos she's gone daddy gone . . .

i learned the truth at seventeen
that love was meant for beauty queens

goons will be listening to that soon, with a bottle of lambrusco and a take-away

oh there ain't no gold in them there hills

You goddamm yanks

not where i live it ain't

With a pulse will do goons

appartment? what the f**k are you talkin' about bussie - he lives in Leeds not the Upper f**kin East Side - at best it is a flat.

alive?

he meant left your appartment

She might want five strokes then goons

how many??

clovis - that warms my cock-les.

i think i may have the advantage by being a bit older, as she strikes me as being a bit ahead of the average 17 y.o. in terms of personality.

and she's definitely not a 'little girl'.

You can break her in goons is what clovis is saying - another good thing about them young goons is that they don't know any better - tell em it's just a myth perpetrated by these ultra-feminist mags like Cosmopolitan that sex lasts more than three strokes.

goons - how many left that night?

he made a glutonous mess, if i remember correctly

When I was 33 i started seeing a 21 year old (God alone knows what she saw in me). I didn't expect it too last long, and went into it with the attitude of 'enjoy it while it is there'.

I had a lot of misgivens about it, and even took some stick from a few people (usually behind my back) but I'm glad I tried it.

Five years later, we are still living together and will be for many a long year to come.

Give it a go, but don't lose sight of the fact that being just 17 she hasn't been there, done that, bought the t-shirt as much as you have. Her thoughts on things will be different.
17 is still very young.

i think i told you. only one turned up, and i don't fancy her.

What happened to those MoanU Essex birds you had round for dinner?

Did you bury them under the floorboards?

Can we not talk about heterosexual relationships please? I'm deeply offended.

give me a week. i'm down there this weekend.

Ask them.

We'll want a detailed report gooner.

who knows?

Which one is dirtiest?

oh, i see. you're right there.

unless their into threesomes.

[rushes off to toilet]

dreams referred to your idea of a double-whammy

sorry, envious.

jealous BS?

no

goner: dreams...in your

BS - no problems on whether i can, but whether i should.

Sorry about that double posting - summit funny happened to me "Latest" - it seemed like I was obsessed fer a minute.

shaun - the belter was (fukking) nice to look at, and very pleasant, but the novelty would wear off. no substance.

mind you, a three month fling based purely on sex with the looker, followed by something more meaningful with the amusing one (who is also pretty i might add), wouldn't go a miss...

that's all you'll be playing with goons, methinks

who do you fancy for the birds world cup satch?

gals, chicks, tarts, muff. whatever BS.

notice i said 17 year old woman.

i'm playing with your conception.

shaun - she has some.

i think shaun has it

no, they're still 'birds'.

So the belter blew you out and you're goin for her ugly funny mate on the off-chance you may still get a bunk-up with the looker - I get ya!

females of 20+ are called "women, goons

What's her tits like?

shaun - she does have some.

AG - don't know. doubt it. but i'd be interested to know.

it's been bothering me.

if it was just a physical attraction i might resist, but it's her personality that gets me. like i said, far more interesting than most women my age.

when i met her, she was with a friend, who is one of the most physically beautiful women i have ever seen (no exaggeration), yet i was drawn to the funny one.

should i deny myself the pleasure of her company purely because of numbers?

after all, in a couple of years 17 year olds won't even talk to me. except to demand my wallet.

what breed is she?

If we said it is, would that stop you?

What's her tits like?

i've been invited to stay with one down in London. she's a very amusing and witty person, whose company i enjoy. far too amusing for someone her age.

in fact, she's more entertaining than most 20+ year old girls i've met.

now, i get the feeling i'm 'in there', and i would very much like to be.

is this bad?

i'm 24.