I was too worried to open this thread at work yesterday.

Worries justified...

*giggle* I miss threads like these. Most evil thing I ever did was probably at a college acquaintance's house party (this guy lived at home) where my then-girlfriend and I shagged in his parents' bed and then left the used rubber under the pillow, after re-making the bed so it looked like the bed hadn't been used...

hehehehe

Oh no, I'm in another one of those situations - did he just say something rude and I didn't get it?

It's like I'm 25 all over again.

That's not what you said when I saw you with Brooke Shields.

Yeah, but I don't really go for beards.

depends on the board doesn't it? a strapping bearded trucker type would be OK, but a slim wisp of a girl would have to be the rider

Actually, thinking about it, me standing on someone's chest sounds a tad on the dangerous side.

I mean, there's "breath control" and then then rib-smashing suffocation.

Wonderful thread, good work people

it's the next big thing, trust me. Just don't go snorkelling if invited.

HaHaHA

I'll have to remember that should the situation ever arise in the future.

Sounds quite classy too.

under other circumstances you could have styled yourself out of it by claiming surfing involved standig on your prone partners chest while pissing on them. Extra points for performing manoevres without falling off

He was, most definitely, but as soon as I said that he wrote me off as an idiot and walked off.

Lucky escape I guess.

I reckon he was coming on to you

Genuine conversation I had once, many years ago:

Him: You ever tried watersports?

Me: Well I once had a go at surfing, but didn't really enjoy it.

Ahh, you see, I was sweet and innocent once.

Necrophilia/Englishwomen, who can tell the difference?

I pretended to be a lady and let some ugly bastard shag me once

I shagged a lady once

no , Xi was correct. I went for the hockey team instead of the rugby team. They tended to be more sensitive and less hairy.

probably from Durham or Oxford Uni aswell!

and it would have to be a Union team to be full of buggerers

hehehe

hahaha to everything from 15.46 onwards!

the back row count as one and the full back doesn't bear thinking about

I presumed 4 didn't fancy him.

call me a pedant, but shouldn't it be the 2nd XV?

Ah: the second xi. A nice touch.

before i did that i gave her a jolly good all over weeing on too.

*grins maniacally*

Haha Christ! You're not as saintly as you come over in your book

getting buttfücked by the second rugger XI doesn't count if you weren't consenting satch

I'm proud of you, tree. I wish I could be more deviant

I have done some filthy things if I really think about it but I'm not sharing them with you lot

pins - yeah. would it mean anything if i said it was kidna funny and not seedy at all when it happened? :o)

I'm actually the most sexually boring person you'll ever meet.

I'm all mouth. Missus.

unless it is animal vaginal sex!

It's not so much that my repertoire is gay - it's more that having vaginal sex isn't high on anyone's list of "out there" filth

i think you are all quite sexy depraved each in his own little way , perhaps you could all share the Filthiest ever III award!?

did you really do the pissing in mouth thing, Tree?

Your repertoire really is very gay, Bing. We should call you Bukkake Bing from now on: the thirst-slaker of choice . . .

hehehe musy

pissing in mouths!

come on tree, fair play, i said i slept with a villa fan

I mentioned rimming, stirring porridge, and a bloody arse-fśck.

what more do you want?

still only me thats really pushed the boat out on this thread then?

hehe bing

Bye Sian!!

seeya sian. take it easy

erm, as interesting as this conversation is, I think I'm going to go home. This is too much for my young ears/eyes.
Ich wĆ¼nsche alles ein schƶnes Wochenende. (I hope you all have a great w/end)
Take care, byeeeee xxxx

I think the thread's pretty clearly marked. Am I being too precious for you Bussie?

I know you get more in the mood but normally it holds back till you've finished!

You didnt find a dead white mouse on the floor then BIng?

aye loft

yeah, shut up bing

Jeez, of course! Whoj - you're right, porridge stirring has to be my number one dirt behaviour.

No, it wasn't the same person

give us a shout when this thread gets interesting

as if Sooz would know

is this the lass that shagged yer mate the same night?

Shagging with a plug, that sounds painful

I dunno Soooz. Perhaps I dislodged a plug in my ferretings

shagging often brings it on though, don't you find sooz?

I'm glad you spotted that, Dan. Takes a man's eye to extract the key info

Its ok, Bing has tissues

full marks for doing her in someone elses bed

sorry how do you come on half way thro? you do have warning signs!

not the only think that's flowing freely I'm sure

this thread was dead for an hour before I got back. I have issues

See, all Bing needed was a jump start, now the smuts flowing freely…

indeed, too much info

ewwwwwwww, Bing - a bit too much information there

Bing. Stop.

too much info?

it was touch and go, Sian. She munted in a shameless fashion. and to cap it all, she got her period halfway through and bled over my housemate's duvet

the saying "never look at the mantlepiece when your poking the fire" springs to mind

oh i see, didn't know

it's cos he's really gay - but too ugly to pull blokes

could you not bring yourself to look at her face?

hahaha. Quite right too. Although since you mention it, the ugliest woman I ever slept with took it up the council on our only night together.

ah, the distinction between class & filth. I apologise wholeheartedly ;-)

It wasn't as it happens. And it was the second night anyway

"I've done a porno fireman act on a woman's arse. Going from behind, then pulling out and aiming my bolt at the spider, followed by slipping the chap in."

Such a way with words.

Was that with the woman that took it up the arse first night?

*praises the lord for busstop*

i'm just kidding ara. you fancy who you like. kylie, shrew, barney mcgrew, cuthbert, dibble, grub

nice salmon steak.

if you call it that, Soooz.

would you have a wet fish in the other hand and see which makes the best slapping noise Bing?

its not trendy anymore anyway Tree, lipstick lezzas are so 1996

Don't be tempted Bing, just do it.

is there anybody less attractive?

If you say so Tree. Would you prefer it if I fancied someone less attractive?

they're there, knobs in hand, when I close my eyes and shout it, Sooz

yeah, but you're just being a lipstick lezza for attention :oP it's trendy

I've done a porno fireman act on a woman's arse. Going from behind, then pulling out and aiming my bolt at the spider, followed by slipping the chap in.

I've always been tempted by the buttcheek bellend slap as well, for comedy value.

hehe

The filthiest thing I ever did was find Kylie vaguely sexy. According to tree anyway!

all sat together in front of you Pins?

I was hoping you'd all done that, Bussie.

does having a wank while picturing pins shouting "come on, bring it on!" count?

good stuff jim. left satchs mum raw for weeks i bet?

by 'going at their front' do you mean smacking them in the face?

that's good work jim. I like the purple touch. Satch would approve

hehe, that's given me a terrible vision in my head.

I agree pins

(I reckon he went down on it personally)

but there is a difference between a big lumpy poo and a slight shit streak isn't there? actually dont answer that.

Ok then, quite tame but probably either a big post bj sticky snog or shagging someone up the botty whilst simultaneously going at their front with a purple dildo.

*gone*

not if he was French or Dutch

fair point soooz. Unless you're going sanchez

doesw it count if i've shoved my head up someone's arse?

we've all done anal surely?

My hat is brown as often as possible. That's why I go to cheap crack whores

I totally believed you chris, i now think you're double bluffing

yeah! well at least linsey, she has an exaggerated view of my perversions

are beginning to get a bit worried people might take you seriously?

no cos you dont actually see the shit do you.

mine was a lie, i hope you knew that!

so you're a brown hatter?

I've never been in to animals. I'm not sure shit rows my boat either, yet I like shagging arses.

Is this a contradiction?

drugged it on cat nip probably

cable ties on the legs CJ?

if it was my cat she would, the durty slag

perhaps it enjoyed it

how did you get a cat to stay still long enough?

was it a female cat?

clean or soiled?

mine was true - just not filthy

no pins. i had my sister's knickers on my head too.

snap

poor tree is the only person who has admitted to anything yet!

chris, that's the first thing that's made me laugh all day.

And you're not joking are you?

I've just had a 2 fingered Twix.

i fingered our cat when i was 14

how many chocolate fingers have you eaten today?

noyt many stories coming out mind

so was mine. Just wanted to use it as I heard it for the first time yesterday

sorry...that was a shit post.

pull a party cracker

I thought you were referring to yourself

brown hatter

No, I said at your age you NEED a Noddy Holder.

There is a difference.

chipolatas wrapped in bacon.

maka has a thing about Noddy Holder

lamb chops? pork sword? beef curtains?

hahah lampchops round his knob.

Budgerigars nesting in Noddy Holder's overgrown pubic hair.

Now there's a pleasant image for christmas

budgerigars??

lets keep chirpy ikkle birds out of this..

buggers even

hahaha, sooz. The old Bugegers grips

yep, there a hilarious "passage" about it in Noddy Holder's autobiog. he doesn't just go through the "motions" but "dumps" a whole load of detail on to the page

sex and faeces ndo not go together imho

I wonder if Noddy has sideburns downstairs too.

i was almost going with the shit eroticism. But slade doing it? Yukky schmukky.

when Slade were playing Hamburg in the 60s, they earnt their money from shitting on a glass coffee table for some German businessman.

it was the inspiration for "Skweeze me pleeze me"

i'm not so far from 18 myself.....

Hahaha Gladders !

i thought you were dressed as elsie tanner tree
then again i wasnt concentrating on your clothes

okay, here it is.

busstop took a poo in my mouth and i wanked on his cock whilst dressed as les humphries

maka

the most scarring is that 20 years ago i asked the girl i waas going out with to sit on my back and scratch my back as hard as she could for as long as she liked

ive still got the marks down my back

dunno why, but at age 18 i liked pain with the sex..not anymore though

had a shag in the woods at Cragside once, that was a bit filthy...we had to put a rug down so we didn't get muddy

Nor can I, maka.

I think I'd be wondering if I had enough Mr Sheen left in the cupboard.

can't see the eroticism in what - splits or shits?

I just can't see the eroticism in that. Call me old-fashioned, if you will . .

yes I would like to know more as well Sian

No, Dan, it has to be scatological for the Public School Boys (and the Irish, for some reason - no wonder the Dirty Protest took off over there).

no no no, tell us more...

sorry, not really relevant

i can do the splits

I thought the idea was that they did the splits on the table (rather than a shits), and obviously if they can do the splits well, they sort of suction seal themselves to the table top.

Girl shits, bloke lays underneath spanking his monkey, non?

you could have gone to Starbucks and had a win-win situation maka

you should have let him, maka. He does a shit, you fix the caipirinhas.

Really maka? My friends always go on about that too. Got to be a smoked glass concave one though, so the woman looks like a skinny brazilian

Don't encourage him, Tree. He's probably reading this one-handed already.

dirty sanchez alert!

maka - did you play 'planet of the apes'?

...and I bet he's the dirtiest of the lot

He wanted to do that boy's thing of crapping on a glass coffee-table etc etc.

But I prefer going out for a drink.

Nobody's too young to hear this. Except possibly Harrris.

*remember this is the internet - covers eyes*

*covers ears - too young to hear this*

Hahahaha!

did you get him to wash behind his ears, or were your ankles in the way?

Gladney.

That wasn't me. I'm not anyone's boyfriend.

gerbilling is ace tho!

I'd say filth is over the line where animals are involved.

you been writing to the sun, Jack?

We're too
nervous for oral

MY boyfriend and I want to know the pros and cons of oral sex.

We’re both 24 and have been together for a year.

We have good sex but it’s not mind-blowing.

Neither of us likes the idea of doing oral sex but know we would both enjoy receiving it.

I’m willing to make the first move but need to know how to do it. Also, can you pick up sexual infections through oral sex?

fair enough, Loft. We've all got to start somewhere

i was only 16 bing,giz a break

Cunnilingus.

I'm not very sexually experienced, as you can tell.

That's just old hat, Loft. Amateur

I shat in me mums socks,she put em on,and squelched me to school.

last night

cj - no, it was funny and naughty and you erm...had to be there

(infact you were! ;o))

it wasn't an it?

come on. someone elses turn. i want one of those shocking acres shagging stories by the end of the day!

no I mean did she think you was the evilest thing alive?

it was a she?

shaken, not stirred?

orally cj, orally

how did she take it Tree?

i kissed someone - with tongues!

fecking looney

yeah. it was a happy accident! :o)

hahaha! seriously? durty rude filthy tree

i pissed in someones mouth once.

there, i've said it.

no, it was freshly showered

slept with a villa fan

spit it out satch

Stop this thread!

was the rim shitty and stinky?

define filthy

rimming I suppose

it's friday afternoon...let the fun commence!