Subject: pregnancy test
Dear Gracie,
Haha, what kinda bullshit was that, i mean as if i know what they're talking about. *points to right temple* as if i'm gonna put this baby in gear, when it doesn't even work haha..
I mean AS IF i'm Pregnant
Just because i slept with all these guys, like Bill Clinton and John Howard, Bill gates, The ugly guy from tv..forgot his name..
and all these other ones i dont' remember the names of hahaha
I'm just hoping i didn't catch AIDS again haha
catching thim ONCE was enough...let's hope not again *crosses fingers*
wanted to tell you that your pregnancy test
wasn't right :
I just did a real pregnancy test and no I'm NOT 1
month pregnant
thank you very much !
yours sincerely,
Gracie (on the toilet seat)
Trust us, you are pregnant.
AMA and FDA inquiries into The Spark's methods have recently verified the
infallibility of our Pregnancy Test; and our Customer Service team
confirms that repeated tests on your web page submission are still coming
up, as they say in the medical community, "blue."
To further accommodate the needs of our "young mothers," The Spark is
currently developing an Amniocentesis Test, which uses silly questions to
extract fluid from the womb, and a Dirty Slut Test, which uses silly
questions to determine why a 16-year-old would even be worried about
possible pregnancy.
The Spark would like to remind you that "real" home pregnancy tests are
only 34% accurate. And unless you plan on giving birth to the World Trade
Center, a fetus of one month should be physically indiscernible from the 5
pounds you put on each month from drinking to the point of forgetting
birth control. Thus you are hardly in a position to disprove our test
results.
So, let us be the first to congratulate you on the first addition to your
I-9 financial dependents list. We're confident that you will have little
trouble feeding another mouth while supporting yourself and finishing that
high school degree.
Best of Luck,