*HOROSCOPES*

Your interpreter of the Stars for this evening:  Homo chunk monkey

*  Aries- STOP YELLING AT PEOPLE because your mind is mentally damaged.  Noboy cares.  Just spank your monkey and get a job.

*  Tarus-  Don't try to get so much attention because nobody's listening.. EXCEPT YOUR MOM!

*  Gemini-  A dead crayfish is going to be thrown at your head with slime and puss coming out of its mouth.  And while you're lying on the goround in a puddle of your own piss, you're going to realize that you have no intelligence what so ever.

*  Cancer-  Your clothes don't match, you'll never hve a boyfriend/girlfriend, your "freinds" only hang out with you to take advantage of you.  AND STOP CRYING!  Damn up and find somebody who cares!!  And as ironic asit sounds, you're going to die of cancer, just like the other 2/3 of america.

*Pisces-  If you were born March 12, you're SEXY.  Otherwise, go away and dake your damn drugs.

*  Leo- Who are you being lyal to?  I am going to BUTT RAM YOU WITH A JUMBO KIDDY CRAYON!!!!

*  Virgo- Don't work so much, and go to the bathroom in the TOILET not your pants!

*  Libra- Everyone likes you, unless you're a stupid mindless flirt think you're above everyone, and are a guy.  Wwll NOBODY likes you.  you're just social so people take advantage of you.  And if you're a guy... you're GAY.

*  Scorpio-  Kill yourself unless you're mentally unstable....NEVER HAVE CHILDREN.

*  Saggittarius-  YOU HAVE NO TALENT.  You should stop trying to get attention... you're NOT FUNNY.

*  Aquarius-  ha ha, since you're the water sign you're gunna pee ur pants!!

* Capricorn- NEVER EVER FORCE YOUR OPINIONS ON PEOPLE! I'll beat the crap out of you if you do.  Nobody cares about you!

Archices- coming very soon... I typed them all and then they all got deleted so... I have to retype it eventually.

Untill then, the old archive horoscopes can STILL be read at CLICK HERE