*The scene opens and we're provided with an image of...why the hell bother explaining it. Why don't we just show you what we're seeing for a change. We're provided with a view of this image:
*What the fuck is going on here? First pictures of big black dicks being sucked, and now a picture of pron queen Jenaa Jameson getting a load shot right at her tits. What's the meaning of all this? The camera begins to zoom out and we suddenly begin to see another image like the last, and another...and another...before we see an entire wall covered with such images. Wait a second, all those images are the covers of videos. We're in a video store, but why in the hell would we be here? Suddenly, a hand reaches out and grabs one of these videos, turns it over and looks at it before putting it back on the shelf. The camera zooms out a bit more until we realize the hand belongs too none other than the drunken legend himself Jack Daniels. Why in the hell is Daniels at an adult video store? Why don't we listen in and find out.*
Jack Daniels: God damnit...where the hell would it be? It wouldn't be under straight porn. It wouldn't be under gay porn. Hmmm, how about a self porn? I mean it's him and an object, so it's not really two people. Actually it's one seriously disturbed individual with a title belt. Wonder where they got a section for shit like that?
*Suddenly an employee of the video store approaches to assist Daniels.*
Employee: Can I help you find something?
Jack Daniels: Actually yeah ya can. I'm lookin' for this film, can't quite remember the name of it though.
Employee: You remember with letter it starts with? We have them by alphebetical order on the shelves here.
Jack Daniels: Wait, maybe Goldmember?
Employee: This is an adult video store. You can find James Bond flicks in Blockbuster.
Jack Daniels: No no...it's a porno alright. Wait a second, maybe it was called Golden Love Is What my Cock Needs?
Employee: Hmmm, that ain't ringing a bell.
Jack Daniels: Damnit. How 'bout 101 Ways To Fuck a Title Belt?
Employee: Say what? Wait a second, who's in this porno? Maybe that will make it easier.
Jack Daniels: Well a title belt obviously, the NWF Title belt more specifically and Ray Willmott.
Employee: Like I said earlier, maybe you should try Blockbuster. *Walks away from Daniels.*
Jack Daniels: Can't even find a decent porno these days. There's a lot of deceny lackin' nowadays and it all starts with Ray WIllmott. Just what were ya thinkin' Ray? What in God's name was runnin' through that mind of yours when ya treated the most precious thing in your life...the greatest accomplishment to date in your life, when ya took that World Title and treated it like a two cent whore? That's all ya did Ray. Ya took the title and it's value...it's honor...and used it to elevate your career. And ya got off on that. Ya blew your load all over that title time and time 'gain. Ya used it Ray Ray...ya used more than a Vietnamese hooker on the corner of 42nd street and Broadway. And for what? Where has it gotten ya Ray? Oh I forgot...it automatically pits ya at the top of the Devil's Own...doesn't it? It automatically makes ya the head honcho of the group.
*Walking out of the store and back onto the street* While we're at it Ray, just what in God's name were ya thinkin' when ya invited that no good sunuva bitch Alexander Harmston into the Devil's Own? Not only did this drunken bastard whoop his pathetic ass two weeks ago, but does Jack Daniels need to remind ya that he's the same man who took your little precious...took your bitch ya called the NWF World Title from your hands...from your fuckin' heart. What in the hell is the matter with ya Ray? Did ya cum all over that title so damn much it's made ya fuckin' silly up here *pointing to his head* Ray?
Ya know, when Jack Daniels shook your hand...that very hand that......oh Jesus Christ this drunken bastard doesn't even wanna know what ya did with that hand of yours. *Daniels sees a bum who has just walked out of a liquor store with a bottle of Old No.7, how convenient.* Gimme that. *Daniels grabs it and takes a huge swig.* That's better. Ya see WIllmott, when your drunken hero agreed to be a part of your little faction, he thought that ya were just the right man to be aligned with. He thought ya knew what ya were doin' and ya were in position to ultimate success. But after this past week...this drunken bastard's opinion of ya has changed. Oh has it ever changed. I'm beginnin' to believe there's only one of two ways to go from here Ray Ray...only one of two. Jack Daniels can either...
One...take charge of the Devil's Own and lead it into the annals of fame and success.
Or two...leave ya hangin' which would ultimately bring 'bout the demise of the Devil's Own.
There's nuttin' to think 'bout Ray. This ain't a decision for ya to make. There are only consequences for ya to suffer as a result. That's why ya keep referrin' to our match this week as a friendly competition. That's why ya try and make it seem like no matter what happens on Tuesday night, the Devil's Own comes out the winner. To that I say...BULLSHIT! Ya just don't wanna have to face the consequences of losin' to Jack Daniels. Ya don't wanna to lose your role of leadership of the Devil's Own. Ya don't wanna face the reality of ya actually losin' out on the possibility of winnin' the NWW International Title. Ya wanna take the all the focus off of yourself and place it on the entire group. Well here's a little newsflash for ya Ray...it doesn't wuite work that way...not in my drunken book. Two men enter a ring. Friendship and respect is lost when that bell is rung. One must win and one places himself in greater position for the ultimate prize of the NWW Title. There ain't no if one wins, we both win. Face the facts bitch...there can only be one. And this drunken bastard ain't gonna let anythin' stop him from it bein' the Drunk One.
*Daniels stops walking, and looks around. He spots whatever it is he's looking for. He takes another swig from his bottle of Old No.7 and continues on.*
Jack Daniels: Ya and every other mark out there like to thin that Jack Daniels is a declinin' legend. Ya can think whatever the fuck ya want. But ya see, the fact of the matter is, Jack Daniels is and always will be considered a legend. It's just too bad for ya Ray Ray, that ya will never have the opportunity to be considered a declinin' legend. Cuz in fact, ya will never be a legend bitch. What was that? I'm supposed to respect ya? Well fuck respect and fuck ya too Willmott. Ya need to realize that when it comes down to the ultimate prize, there ain't no room for bullshit like respect and love. Ya need to realize it ain't fate and all this destiny crap. It's plain and simple, whoever is the damn best at what he does. And right now Ray Ray, you're lookin' at the very best in whoopin' ass in that squared circle. Ain't no love story gonna save ya now. Ain't no member of the Devil's Own gonna save ya either, cuz they know better than that. The only thing that will save ya from losin' and utter humiliation is a FUCKIN' MIRACLE!
*Daniels turns and walks through a set of door. Wait a second...no he's not..Daniels has just walked into a Blockbuster. You have got to be kidding me. Daniels turns to one of the employees.*
Jack Daniels: Hey, where's the porn section in here?
Employee: Uh sir, we don't carry adult movies of that nature.
Jack Daniels: What are ya talkin' 'bout? The guy down the street at the adult video store told me to try Blockbuster. Never heard of Fuck The World....Title Belt? Or even the Gold Rush of Cum?
Employee: No sir, like I said, we don't carry those types of movies.
Jack Daniels: Well, I guess I can't make it a Blockbuster night tonight. But Tuesday...Tuesday will be a blockbuster alright. The wrestlin' match of the century...the ass whoopen that's gonna be unleashed that has never been seen 'fore. All the drunkaholics rushin' the ring to celebrate yet 'nother drunken victory. Ray Ray...ya nd I both know that Jack Daniels can't be beat in these types of situations. Ya have sparked a fire under my drunken ass and now ya gotta put it out.
Good-fuckin'-luck...you're gonna need it.
Wait a second...I got it. The internet has gotta have these movies somewhere to be downloaded. Maybe the official NWF website itself has 'em. And seein' as ya already seen those Ray, why don't ya go over to the NWW website, try Wednesday mornin', and catch the ass whoopen and a half that ya experience first hand Tuesday night...over and over 'gain. Don't forget to rewind.
Till then...BITCH!
*And with that, the scene fades to black.*