*The scene opens and we find ourselves in a hotel room. There is a dim light on, but other than that, we see nothing out of the ordinary. After a moment of looking around, we see no one in the room. Just when the cameraman is about to leave when suddenly a noise is heard. He stops and looks around. We notice the closet door is open. He makes his way over and low and behold, there's our answer. It's none other than everyone's drunken hero Jack Daniels. Somewaht odd of Daniels to be sitting inside a closet. Why don't we find out why...yes let's.*
Jack Daniels: Do ya remember your first blowjob Hailey? Ya do? Did ya get the other guy off? What 'bout your first fuck...ya remember that? Did that prison inmate get ya off? But I bet ya do remember anythin' pertainin' to your professional career. Ya remember your first lost Hailey? No no...not the time Jack Daniels kicked your ass and took your newly won NEWF Heavyweight Title, although thanks for remindin' this drunken bastard of that night. No, what Jack Daniels is referrin' here to is your very first loss Hailey...that first blemish on your record. Oh how ya wish ya could be dead right now. Jack Dnaiels is talkin' 'bout that huge loss, that big dissapointment 'gainst none other than the most feared guy out there...little Johnnie Storm...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
How pathetic...how fuckin' pathetic Hailey. Just as pathetic as your scheme...as your motives for comin' into the NWF. Ya treid doin' it once int he NEWF and it quite didn't work for ya. What makes ya think that a second run at fame, fortune, success and gold here in the NWF will work Hailey? That's all your 'bout, your titles and fame. Well let me ask ya somethin' Hailey...how did it feel to win that worhtless New England Title back in the NEWF? Nuttin' special right? But what 'bout the big one? How did it feel to win that NEWF Heavyweight gold? Now that I bet was the greatest feelin' for ya. Well next to the prison guards takin' advantage of ya. Just as sweet it was to win that...tell Jack Daniels and the world just how bitter it was to lose it. TELL ME! Tell me just how much it sucked to have to lose it, on your very first defense and to the man that ya hated the most...ME! Just like that, your fame and your success went right down the fuckin' drain. Ya tried 'gain and 'gain to redeem yourself. Ya gathered up anyone ya could find to have your back and make yourself more of a threat. But did it work? Did ya and your Dumb Fuckin' Retards get anywhere? I don't think so.
Ya see Hailey, this drunken bastard wants ya to do what Jack Daniels is doin'. *Daniels gets up and gets out of the closet* I want ya to let yourself outta the closet for a change. I want ya to see things from a different prespective cuz ya obviously don't see the other side of the coin. Take the current situation at hand.
Ya waltz right in, uninvited, and go after personal business with your brother. Hell, ya do what ya gotta do. But to thikn that you're in the position to just step in Smirt's place at the top of Absolute Power and start callin' the shots? I son't fuckin' think so Hailey. Ya see, for months now, Smirt, Evan and myself have been bustin' our asses to make the Absolute Power name meaningful and powerful. From a forty plus World title reign for Smirt, a fifty plus Television title reign for Evan, and an eighty plus Tag title reign for this drunken bastard and Evan...we began settin' the standards and placin' Absolute Power where it belongs...at the top. Then we all fucked up. Yeah ya heard Jack Daniels right, he's admittin' that we all fucked up and went on a downslide like no one could ever imagine. The Absolute Power name has gone down in value, and will only continue to do so if Hailey is associated witht hat name.
*Daniels heads over to a couch and sits down. He picks up his bottle of Old No.7 and takes a swig from it and conitnues speaking.*
Jack Daniels: Ya see Hailey, ya do no good for Absolute Power. Ya do absolutely nuttin' for the name. Face it. Smirt was and will always be the legend. Not ya. Smirt was always the successful one. Not ya. Smirt was the one who could either have the fans eatin' outta the palms of his hands from thier respect for him or throwin' garbage and spittin' at him from their hatred for him. As for ya...they don't love ya nor hate ya. Plain and smiple Hailey, they don't give two shits 'bout ya. They never have, and the fact of the matter is they never will. That's somethin' ya need to realize Hailey. That and that alone automatically dissqualifies ya from Absolute Power.
Ya see, there's a simple equation. Now I don't know if they taught mathematics in prison, but bear with this drunken professor for a sec. Jack Daniels + Evan Douglas + Smirtdogg = Absolute Power which also = SUCCESS...GOLD...FAME...take your fuckin' pick. Now throw Hailey into that equation and it's all fucked. Ya see, seein' as how Haiey = failure, or even the alternate equation, Hailey = shit...or how 'bout Hailey = midcard bitch. So now we have Jack Daniels + Evan Douglas + Marcus Hailey = Absolute Power with a remainder of a failin', piece of midcard shit bitch. Hailey just has no place in the equation. It just throws it all outta whack. And that's exactly what ya would do to Absolute Power if ya were given the power to control it.
But Jack Daniels ain't havin' that. All the blood...all the sweat...all the Ol' No.7 that has been invested in this only to have it taken over by Hailey? Four words Hailey...I DON'T FUCKIN' THINK SO! Alright five...sue me. Actually Hailey, ya would prolly have a better chance takin' this case to Judge Judy and battlin' it there rather than battlin' the drunken legend Jack Daniels. But in the end, Judge Judy would prolly tell ya the same thing everyone else has already. Absolute? Yeah that's right...you're an ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE!
What it all comes down to Hailey is, that you're gonna have to fuckin' kill me if ya want the Absolute Power name. I could care less if it was 'bother Jack Daniels Rikers Island Match. I could care less if it was for the World Title. I could care less if it was for all the Ol' No.7 in the worl...wait scratch that last comment. Point is Hailey, just as bad as ya want to consider yourself part of Absolute Power...well that's just as bad as I wanna kick your ass and prove to ya that Absolute Power is more than just a flashy name or catchphrase. It's a state of mind and a way of livin' for the greatest to ever grace the squared circle this business has ever seen. And ya my firend, still have a long...loooong way to go 'fore ya can manuever yourself outta the midcard shuffle and escalate yourself to the top. But by then, ya'll be servin' 'nother five to ten for either defacin' a name of value or tryin' to kill Jack Daniels.
Take your pick bitch...your fate lies in your hands.
Till then...MOTHERFUCKER!
*Daniels takes another swig from his bottle of Old No.7 as the scene fades to black.*