(The crowd has settled down a bit, but not for long. Suddenly, "Calm Like a Bomb", by Rage Against the Machine, begins to blare throughout the arena. The crowd is in a frenzy once more because that can only mean one thing. The lights in the arena dim down a bit as clouds of smoked engulf the top of the entranceway. Suddenly, a figure can be seen in the midst of the smoke. As the smoke drifts away, we realize that it’s none other than Jack Daniels. He takes a swig from his bottle of Old No.7 as he makes his way to the ring. Daniels is all business tonight, but seems to have a slight smirk on his face. He gets in the ring and requests a mic. He gets the mic and begins speaking…)

Jack Daniels: CUT THE FUCKIN’ MUSIC! (crowd pop) Well, well…it was so nice of ya TME, to come out here earlier tonight and try and lock the Heavyweight Title for yourself. Nice try bitch, but ya gotta do better than that if ya think you’re gonna keep this drunken bastard down. Ya tried to get the upper hand by pullin’ your strings, but what ya don’t realize is that Jack Daniels is pullin’ your strings. You’re just the puppet and Jack Daniels is your drunken puppet master. Now, The Drunk One has got two little surprises for ya here so that your usual screwjobs and victories by cheatin’ is eliminated here tonight.

Now durin’ one of your promos that put every drunkaholic, and everyone else that was bored to death by it, ya decided to bring back your old woman, Cassandra. Hell, that’s all fine and good. Well, at least that’s what this drunken bastard thought at first. Until the thought of just how unconfident of yourself ya really are crossed this drunken mind. Nah, ya don’t need the bitch for motivation or just to be a cheerleader. Ya want her in your corner for one purpose and one purpose only…to secure a victory and the Heavyweight Title for your sorry ass. Well, that’s not a problem cuz Jack Daniels has struck back and struck harder. He’s got a little somethin’ somethin’ of his own that should even things out here…Boston Mass., let’s welcome back the hottest, sexiest, the only woman to make ya blow your load the second she walks in the room…ELECTRA!

(Suddenly, "Foxy Lady" blares throughout the arena once again, but this time for the ever so lovely Electra. And here she comes, looking absolutely luscious. She makes her way to the ring. As she enters the ring, she teases the crowd by bending through the ropes ever so slowly, and then climbing up to each turnbuckle, leaning over, squeezing her breast together with her elbows and blows a kiss to the crowd. Now take a minute to wipe the fog off of your screens…Daniels continues speaking…)

Jack Daniels: Now, if your bitch wants to get involved, she’s more than welcome to. Once she steps in that ring, this drunken bastard is not liable of what happens to her. But the fact of that matter is that she won’t even set foot in the ring, cuz now, she’s got Electra keepin’ a close eye on her.

And if that wasn’t ‘nuff, ya came out here eariler tonight, once ‘gain bored this innocent crowd to near death, and demanded an Iron Man Match. Very clever TME. See, ya need two pinfalls to win. So TME figures Cassandra can win him one, and the other can be assisted by who else, but Spencer. Ya think ya got everythin’ covered. But the truth is that ya don’t. An Iron Man Match, hell that’s all fine and good to this drunken bastard cuz Jack Daniels has been in every damn match possible. Ya see, Jack Daniels knew ya would have more than one trick up your little sleeve, so he came prepared. Ya got your little stipulation there, so Jack Daniels has got one of his own. An Iron Man Match…in a HELL IN THE CELL! (huge crowd pop) Ya see, this way, no one gets involved. Not Cassandra…not Spencer…NOBODY! It’s gonna be ya and this drunken bastard…mono a mono. And if ya don’t like that…then tuff shit sherlock, cuz that’s just the way it’s gonna be.

(Not a second goes by when suddenly, "Kooler Than Jesus", by My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult, begins to play throughout the Fleet Center. The crowd begins to boo heavily as TME steps out from behind the curtain and out onto the top of the entrance ramp. He has a mic in hand and gets right down to it…)

TME: Whoa whoa whoa…just hold on a second there Daniels. Who said you can make this a Hell in the Cell Match? You think you can just come out here and start naming any damn stipulation you want? I don’t think so. I’m sorry to get all your little hopes up people, but a Hell in the Cell Match is not happening here tonight. Maybe some other time, but not tonight. Tonight is just gonna be an Iron Man Match, it’s as simple as that. Sorry Jack, but no Hell in a Cell.

(TME turns and is about to leave when Daniels gets back on the mic…)

Jack Daniels: Now hold up just a sec there jackass. Ya see, ya have no say in it.

TME: What? You can’t just walk out here and start bringing out stipulations from out of your drunken ass. TME will have none of it.

Jack Daniels: Oh but ya will bitch. And then you’re gonna have yourself a really big portion of an ass whoopen and a half. Ya see, this drunken bastard didn’t just come out here and start pullin’ out stipulations from his drunken ass. Actually, he pulled it out his drunken ass earlier today. Why don’t ya just turn your sorry ass ‘round and take a look up at the jumbotron and see what this drunken bastard is talkin’ ‘bout…

(Everyone and their mama turn to the jumbotron, as does TME. The jumbotron sparks to life. Wait, that scene looks familiar. We saw that earlier tonight. It’s Jack Daniels, walkin’ out of Comissioner Kanyon’s office, with a grin on his face. TME looks confused as he looks back at Daniels…)

Jack Daniels: Ya see, ‘fore the card started, this drunken bastard went over to the Commish’s office and ran the idea of a Hell in the Cell by him. He approved…oh did Comossioner Kanyon approve. And there’s absolutely nuttin’ ya can do ‘bout it bitch.

TME: Well then, where’s the cell? I don’t see it hanging above the ring or anything? There’s no cell…sorry Jack, no match.

Jack Daniels: Not so fast jackass. The Cell is on it’s way here…and it WILL be set up by the time the two of us are ready to step in this squared circle.

Till then…BITCH! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

(TME is irate and Daniels is loving every minute of it. TME storms out of there and to the back as Daniels slowly exits the ring along with Electra and to the back to prepare for tonight’s huge main event…an Iron Man Hell in the Cell Match for the NEWF World Heavyweight Title.)

(The scene opens and what a night we have ahead of us tonight. There’s a helluva lot of great matches, but there’s only one that stands out from the rest and will by the time the night is over…the Heavyweight Title match to crown it’s first ever NEWF World Heavyweight Champion. The Fleet center is absolutely out of control. But we quickly cut to the back of the Fleet Center and we find ourselves outside of Comissioner Kanyon’s door. What are we doing here. Wait a second, the door swings open…and there’s Jack Daniels! What’s Jack Daniels doing in Kanyon’s office?)

Jack Daniels: Thanx Commish. This drunken bastard promises ya, it’s gonna be one helluva fuckin’ night…well at least it’s goin’ to be now…BWAHAHAHAHA!

(What the hell? Daniels closes the door and walks away from Kanyon’s office. What the hell is going on? What has Jack Daniels got up his sleeve? And what the hell was he talkin’ about with Kanyon? Well, only one way to find out, and that’s stay tuned and catch the NEWF’s first PPV event…BOSTON MASSACRE!)