McGowan Ties One On (June 24, 2006 - CNN - 11:35 p.m. EST) SPRING LAKE - Two big stories hit the media on this day. First Wombat infielder Owen McGowan tied the knot with his girlfriend of 17 years Deb. We figured to keep Deb's last name off the website because she has dignity. The website well, sometimes lacks that. The ceremony was a grand event. Friends and family from across the nation came to witness the event of the year. In attendance was Oakland A's slugger Frank Thomas. "Owen has called me the greatest player that ever lived, thankfully I was here to see this event" said Thomas to reporters. He added "We both have lots in common, we play ball and we both survived years of oppression". Also in the crowd was socialite Paris Hilton. Ms. Hilton who works really hard at doing nothing said it was "Hot". Paris is working on her biggest challenge - third grade. The second story was the buzz in the crowd on a possible Wombat reunion. The Picture below (left: Scooter, Turd, Silky, Gapper, Bluejeans, Bitch, Salty Dog and Ben "She Gagged" Dehn) prompted a media frenzy. Not only the players mentioned above were excited but also Chris Smith and Bosox fan and Wombat supporter Bill Donner. "We think we owe the people another year of softball" mentioned John "Bluejeans" Stemmler at the gathering. Turd Cody summed it up "We may be older, slower and achy but I think we are wiser, give me the softball I'll pitch". Hopefully they could all agree that Wombat Softball needs to return somewhere soon. NOTES: Missing from the wedding reception were names like Matt Somma, Mike Murtagh and Jerome "The Living Afro" Head.
...THIS MAY TAKE A MINUTE OR A YEAR TO LOAD, YOU SHOULD BE MAD...BECAUSE IT'S SLOW AS HELL... PLEASE SIGN OUR GUESTBOOK! AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE.
The Best Team That Never Plays (January 9, 2009 - AP 11:20 a.m. EST) PRINCETON - In a national poll taken by drifters and larks, The Fighting Wombats Of Central Jersey® still remain the best team that ever played softball. After hearing the news Owen McGowan was in tears. "I never cry but quite frankly - I'm overwhelmed" said the former shortstop. Fancy B. (Paul)added "You guys scare me (drifters and larks)". One thing is for certain, Central Jersey misses their Wombats and Caldor. Bill "Knuckles" Donner adds "Shopping there was a privledge, I bought many trinkets at the Cal". You can say New Jersey is Springsteen, American, Apple Pie and Wombats. I guess it was also Caldor. Who ever thought the latter? That's f'd up man.
Thank Goodness For Drunks SEA GIRT, New Jersey (AP) -- The first scouting report for the 2006 Wombats was a positive one. Our news reporters went to the lovely town of Sea Girt, New Jersey at everyones favorite bar called "The Horses Ass" to find out the buzz on the 2003 season. In a poll taken from WDUH FM - 99% of drunks (people) didn't know who the Wombats are, 75% didn't know what a Wombat was and 46% of fans wanted to beat the crap out of the pollster. Also 99% think they still play. One fan in attendance confessed to our reporter (Betsy Krotch) that he knew about them. Although the person was intoxicated at the time he said "Those um furry creatures can play a good game, pardon me while I urinate on your face or in a wicker basket". The fan (Ned Nitz) was arrested for lewdness. However he was released because of his medical condition. The man claimed that he was born with no bladder and that he has "uncontrollable liquid releases". Hey good luck Ned and spread the word not your piss about the Wombats...you pecker.
Season Tickets For Next Year- Since tickets are free, and we really don't play that much, the Wombat front office has decided there is no point of selling them....We're really not stupid, however we are dumb and occasionally smell murky.
*NOTE - This webpage is "BOSS" on Nescape & MSIE. For a chance to have your voice heard... Check out - www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Field/7973/wombats.htm" or CLICK ON "NEW...WOMBATS 06' VOTING BOOTH/HISTORY & NOTES" and vote...it's groovy. Plus learn more interesting facts of America's team...your Wombats (Photos brought to you by Ron Bronson)
Through The Years....
| 1994 | 3 Wins, 12 Losses | Playoffs- 0 Wins, 1 Loss | Coach: Paul Fancy |
| 1995 | 7 Wins, 12 Losses | Playoffs- (None) | Coach: Ken Cody |
| 1996 | 4 Wins, 12 Losses | Playoffs- (None) | Coach: Frank Papp |
| 1997 | 6 Wins, 10 Losses | Playoffs- 0 Wins, 1 Loss | Coach: Owen McGowan |
| TOTALS | 20 Wins, 46 Losses | Playoffs- 0 Wins, 2 Losses | OVERALL: 20 Wins, 48 Losses |
Any issue pertaining to this site you'd like to talk about...e-mail us at DUH908@HOTMAIL.COM - Thank you for wasting your time at WOMBAT SOFTBALL The mecca of nothing.
"Very well, where do I begin...My father was a self-improving belangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a pinchot for buggery...My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Cloey with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaize that the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum it's breathtaking I suggest you try it."
"I went to Arizona for one reason.....to get away from all the Wombat media hype. Everyday you'd hear it from Rather, Jennings and Brokaw it's insane. The press should focus on something more important like deerflies and vaporlock. Remember fans, we we lose...it's just a game. When we win it's the World Series. Think about it. What am I talking about?"
"Gentlemen, and I use the term loosely. I recently looked over the 1998 Media Guide. I've come down to a conclusion. This team is a bunch of "wussies". Now the term "wussy" isn't really bad but in this case, since I use the term loosely it is. What's with flatulent Fama? he's no Frazier Guppy but who is (maybe Rob Geiger or "Big R" as they say in the trade) I will leave you with a quote from Paul Harvey "Good day and dry up". Now that's the rest of the story.
"Okay, so I pulled both groins while playing an intense game of ping-pong or as the Dutch would say "table tennis". But, you don't know the rest of the story. Paper cuts, the Emu incident - when the large Austrialian marsupial attacked me in Syndey, a violent reaction after eating Junior Mints while watching Saved By The Bell, and yes the lack of sweatpants kept me out of the season last year. I am STILL going to the Milltown Bakery to see my "fine muffin lady". This year I hope to ingest more fine pastries than I could handle! I'm ready for 2002. By the way doesn't that "Screech" deserve an Emmy?"
A Day In The Life Of...THE MAESTRO
Here are some quotes from the Wombat shortstop that made history. "Hey we're all gonna get laid" - (April 24,1994 after victory over the Raiders)..."There's alot of good looking women here...except for you...you fat pig" - (Circa 1995 at the "Knightclub" while pointing at the young lady) McGowan regrets the latter statement. "I'm sorry for the comment about the young lady...but honestly...she's a tub of goo". We'll have more interesting words from the "Maestro" soon! So stay tuned jerky.
"Did you know I married the best woman in the world, Nicole! Thinking about softball...Why do they call it softball? I mean the ball is hard as hell. Especially when you get hit in the head with it....twice. First the pain sets in, then later you notice the stiching of the ball is imprinted on your forehead. That's when you realize it's 8am on Sunday morning and you should be sleeping."
Pete "Scooter" Vignuolo Esq. PRESENTS:IT'S THE LAW, BABY
A Force Majeure (or to you, the layman - An Act of God) is an event in which people are powerless to prevent. For example, if the Wombats win a game it is a force majeure- an Act of God. Obviously, in this case only God had say in the result and you the common folk were powerless. Also if you get struck by lightning that is classified as an Act of God. However if your friend throws a soda bottle at your head and pokes your eye out that is considered a lawsuit. But in the meantime make sure you retaliate by throwing 9-volt batteries and or pennies. Thank you.
"What did the Hairy-Nosed Wombat say to the female doggie?.....What's in the bowl BITCH.... and then they both gagged."
"My fans are giving me new nicknames which is great. I would like to tell everyone that you can call me "Johnny Bluejeans" or "Johnny Rocket". Some fans have called me, "Johnny Reindeer", "Johnny Airhorn" and "Johnny Nightstick" those are fair but I don't know how some of these fans come up with this stuff! Also you have the fans who like to "crack wise". For example last season someone yelled out "Hey Johnny John-John" and "Johnny On-The-Spot". People, let's not say that, I have a limit."
"Oooh look at me I lost my top! During my childhood I was hoping that a softball team would capture my imagination. Back in those early years I was addicted to Sunday morning softball and running around the house with no top on. In the backyard I would play some softball (with no top on) with family and friends. Then finally back in 1994 the Wombats became my favorite team. I know I'm hot. That's why I wear nothing on top. The Wombats contacted me about being their pitcher to be a distraction, but in the ASA you have to wear a top, so this would exclude me. Sorry guys. I'll be home looking at myself in my mirror with no top on"
"Dear fans, I would like to apologize for the person who runs this page. He or she has lots of free time on their hands. However since we're talking softball, I lead the team in career home runs. How do you like them apples. Oh by the way Mira, your no Teri Hatcher. I'm sorry...There I go again, I buckle...like a belt. In that case I'm not sorry. Take it easy you carnivore smelling...mother f******. Sorry, it slipped. I hope none of my students see this!"
"Jimmy likes to play ball, I like Jimmy, I am Jimmy, Jimmy doesn't like to lose, that makes Jimmy upset, Jimmy doesn't like to cry, Jimmy is going to leave now because Jimmy wants a cold frosty beverage. Jimmy hates Natural Light, Jimmy doesn't really care about what you think of Jimmy. You're killing independent Jimmy."
"I'm Chan, Dennis Chan, I play for the Wombats. Let's just face reality if I say anything about the Wombats on this webpage I will lower my standards as a human being...trust me. But, one comment If I may...isn't this website deranged?"
"It's your birthday, It's your birthday...Hey what smells like shoe polish? I like a huge selection. Sometimes I'm in the mood for nasty close ups, very arty and air-brushed. Sometimes it's girl on girl time. Sometimes a steamy letter will do it, sometimes--not often, but sometimes--I like the idea of a chick with a horse. Oh so what's your question again?
"I have no comment, I will talk when the Wombats win three games in a row or two games...oh hell if they win a game sometime soon I will speak but until then snootchie-bootchies."
"Being a Wombat player takes skill, hard work, and effort. Winning takes a miracle. I have some sound advice for the youngsters reading this. It's whether you win or lose, it's not how you play the game."
You could e-mail Mr. Meoff at "WhackinTheWeasel@aol.com"
© 2007...COMMENTS? Keep them to yourselves!
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During my campaign I only accepted contributions under $100 dollars. However after watching them play if they were a candidate they would need all the money possible to win. I feel sorry for the poor lads. Enough about them go to this site We The People and Take Back America!
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...EXCITING WOMBAT PLAYER FACTOIDS
Introducing Your "Not Ready For Prime Time" Players. The Year(s) Of Hell They Played For The Mighty Wombats. Vital Wombat Information That Will Help You Understand These Deranged Hooligans.....or Ruffians If You Want To Call Them That.
Dennis Chan 1995-Current Has never vomitted during a game
Ken Cody 1994-Current Has been hit in the head with too many line drives
Ben Dehn 1994-95' Enjoys picking fights with crowd
Dan Dehn 1994-95'& 97' Has spread the word of the wombat in Maine
Chris Fama 1996-Current Has too many "Turtles" if you know what I mean
Ken Fivek 1996 Played in two Wombat games, leads club in career RBI...Just Kidding
Ted Harrison 1995-96' "T" left the squad to become a pianist
Andy Hocek 1995-96' Left team for political reasons...Real Reason: Wanted to conserve gas....for his car
Matt Jurusz 1997-Current 2 twisted ankles and a groinpull on one play
Dale Mascola 1996-97' Left team because he couldn't stand us "sons of bitches"
Owen McGowan 1994-Current Wants to leave team fearing a schedule conflict with the many women in his life
Mike Murtagh 1994-96' Drove 200 miles for each game that's dedication!
Brad Papp 1994-97' Owns a custom made Wombat cap
Frank Papp 1994,96' Would bet money against his own team
Mike Polcari 1996-Current Hates people but loves gatherings
Ken Price 1997 An illegal player
Chris Razzano 1994-Current Favorite Baseball Idols: Matt Nokes & Cal Ripken Jr.
John Stemmler 1994-Current Favorite book: Wombat Stew
Paul Stemmler 1994-Current Favorite sports hero: Korie Hlede of the WNBA
Walt Stemmler 1994-95' His jeans are in the Wombat hall of fame
Pete Vignuolo 1994-Current A veteran of the TBKA - Tennis Baseball Kicks Ass League
Jimmy Watts 1997-Current Drinks "Wild Turkey" before games
Dick Cavett Never Played Compares Wombat softball to watching flies f*ck
DISCLAIMER: Remember the following information you read is for comedic purposes only...yes this is a real softball team but some of information presented is to make you laugh, cry or make you think....who the hell writes this crap? The pictures used on this page are from the net. If the original owners of any of these pictures would like them removed just contact me and I will remove them...(and then I will tell you to "dry up"). Thank you and have a "Wombatable Day!"
..........Thanks for nothing!
Wombat fans (all five of them) gather for a softball rally. I know it's scary!
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