MY LITTLE TIRADE

by

Andrew Atkins

(Based on the short story by Greg Rychlewski)

FADE IN:

INT. OFFICE - MONDAY MORNING

Hundreds of employees scurry about in a maze of cubicles.

ANDREW (V.O.)

It was Monday morning and everyone was excited to talk about what wonderful weekends they had. I guess I could have joined in, but what would I talk about? While everyone was off partying and having a good time, I sat alone in my lifeless, confined apartment. Besides, no one is interested in talking to me.

INT. OFFICE - LOUNGE

JOHN (25) and LARRY (26) sit on the couch smoking a cigarette. ANDREW (24), shaggy brown hair, stubble for a beard, sits next to them.

Andrew stares at his lap.

JOHN

Hey Larry, could you believe that ending? Wow. Unbelievable.

LARRY

I know. Who ever would've thought Darth Vader would be Luke Skywalker's father.

JOHN

I didn't see that one coming.

LARRY

Who did? That's like my favorite movie of all-time.

Andrew slowly stands up and wonders away.

INT. OFFICE - CUBICLE

Andrews stares blankly into the computer monitor in front of him.

INT. OFFICE - PHOTOCOPIER

Two LADIES each with a coffee in hand. They photocopy some papers.

LADY #1

Hey, did you come to Jesse's party on Saturday?

LADY #2

Of course, that was crazy, wasn't it?

LADY #1

Oh my god. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun. And did you see Mark? Wow, didn't he look good?

LADY #2

No. I didn't see him. He was there? Oh my god, describe how he looked.

Andrew trudges by.

ANDREW

Hi. Excuse me, are you ladies almost finished?

LADY #2

What?

ANDREW

The photocopier. I need it.

LADY #1

Does it look like we're finished? Tell you what, when you see us leave, that'll probably give you a good indication. Alright?

ANDREW

Alright. I'm sorry.

Andrew hangs his head and walks away.

LADY #1

Ugh. What a loser. Anyway. So he was wearing these tight jeans. You should've seen him, his ass looked SO GOOD.

ANDREW (V.O.)

While they were talking and laughing, I was thinking. Thinking of how I let my self become like this. Memories from my school years haunted me. Everyday a new one would pop into my mind, reminding me of how pathetic I was, and still am.

INT. SCHOOL - CAFETERIA

High-pitched screams and obnoxious laughter spread through the cafeteria like a disease.

Andrew, 12 years younger, scans for a place to sit.

At the far end of the room a group of FRIENDS are about to leave.

Andrew cautiously walks over.

One of the friends points Andrew out.

FRIEND #1

Who the hell is that?

FRIEND #2

Hell if I know.

FRIEND #1

HEY! YOU!

ANDrew

Me?

Andrew gulps.

FRIEND #1

What the hell you doing? Do you got a staring problem or something?

ANDREW

Oh.. No. It just looked like you were finished and I --

FRIEND #1

And what? We'll leave when we're good and ready.

FRIEND #3

Yeah. So get the outta here you freak!

Andrew quickly turns and begins his way out of the cafeteria.

Without looking, Andrew knocks right into a KID.

Andrew's lunch splatters allover himself.

The entire cafeteria bursts out in laughter.

KID

Watch where you're going, moron.

The laughter grows even louder.

ANDREW (V.O.)

It was as if I was thrown in a cage, with the label "IDIOT" attached to it and put on display.

INT. OFFICE - CUBICLE

Andrew continues to stare blankly at his computer monitor. A loud CREEK snaps him out of it.

Andrew stands up and peers out his cubicle.

INT. OFFICE

MR. BYARD (45), strolls through the office, by the cubicles.

INT. OFFICE - CUBICLE

ANDREW

Shit! Shit! SHIT!

Andrew frantically dives underneath his desk.

MR. Byard arrives. He clears his throat.

MR. BYARD

Andrew, what are you doing?

Andrew jumps up, banging his head from underneath the desk.

ANDREW

Ow. Oh. Hi. Uhm, nothing. I think a wire is loose or something.

MR. BYARD

I believe you have something for me?

ANDREW

Actually, sir, I've been really forgetful this week. I'll have the report by tomorrow, I promise.

MR. BYARD

Come. Take a walk with me.

Mr. Byard and Andrew walk through the office.

INT. OFFICE

MR. BYARD

Let me ask you something Andrew, do you know why we have deadlines here at Inter Tech?

ANDREW

Yes. Yes I do sir, it's just that I...

MR. BYARD

You see, Andrew, this company relies on its employees to do the best job that they possibly can. Now if someone decides to slack off here or there, it hurts everybody. This can lead to...

ANDREW (V.O.)

I could feel everyone's eyes on me. This was completely humiliating. I'm a grown man and he's speaking to me as if I was a kid who just sneaked an extra cookie before dinner. I remembered this feeling. My heart racing, my palms sweating and my body trembling. I hadn't felt this way since I was in school.

INT. SCHOOL - CLASSROOM

A teenage Andrew sits in a packed classroom. MRS. MONROE is in front of the class writing on the chalkboard.

MRS. MONROE

So who can tell me Abraham Lincoln's presidential legacy?

Mrs. Monroe searches for a raised hand.

No one raises their hand.

MRS. MONROE

How about you, Andrew? Can you tell me?

ANDREW

Um, He signed the declaration of independence?

MRS. MONROE

No -- Did you forget to do your homework again, Andrew? What's the matter, are you too good for homework? Do you have better things to do, like buy things for your girlfriend?

A BOY in the class quickly yells out:

BOY

YEAH RIGHT! NO GIRL WOULD EVER GO OUT WITH ANDREW!!

The classroom explodes in laughter.

ANDREW

No, no. You see...

The laughter grows louder. Kids everywhere are pointing and laughing.

ANDREW (V.O.)

Everywhere I looked, someone laughing. I felt surrounded. Trapped. Finally, I had enough.

Andrew closes his eyes and starts to breath heavy. He clinches his fists. His face turns red.

ANDREW

SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!

The classroom goes pitch silent.

INT. OFFICE.

Andrew opens his eyes.

MR. BYARD

Pardon?

ANDREW (V.O.)

Judging by my boss's expression, my outburst wasn't contained within the boundaries of my mind. It had slipped into reality. This felt too surreal. It was as if for the first time in my life I felt empowered.

ANDREW

I SAID SHUT UP!

MR. BYARD

Andrew, I really don't think --

Mr. Byard begins to sweat profusely.

ANDREW

DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME? I SAID SHUT UP!!

Andrew grabs the nearest monitor and throws it on the ground and kicks it a few times.

Mr. Byard quickly signals the SECRETARY over and whispers in her ear. The second he is done, she scurries off.

ANDREW

What'd you say to her?

MR. BYARD

Oh, nothing important.

ANDREW

Tell me!

MR. BYARD

Really, It's nothing. Just don't do anything crazy, alright?

Two large MEN outfitted entirely walk in. They head towards Andrew.

ANDREW

Oh, no you didn't!

The men get closer.

ANDREW

Alright! I'm sorry! Please tell them to back!

The two men grab Andrew by the arms

ANDREW

PLEASE! DON'T DO THIS TO ME. I AM NOT CRAZY!

Tears are now streaming down Andrew's face.

ANDREW

PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU!

The two men drag Andrew towards the exit.

Andrew kicks and screams to no avail.

ANDREW

PLEASE!!! I AM NOT CRAZY! LET GO OF ME!!!

FADE TO BLACK.

ANDREW (V.O.)

And just like that, I was gone. Out of their lives forever. Sure they will mingle around the office and discuss my little tirade. But only until they have a new movie or party to talk about.