Those were the days
In the summer craze
Watching those great actors
I think it really matters
to be a lifeguard
The theme said it all
"I'll be ready" was the call
The lifeguards fought waves and dudes
And even had time to take a cruise
To Alaska, where Mitch went beserk
I always knew he was a big fat jerk
>"Sometimes I get so angry" was his cry
Why was he such a wimpy guy?
Mitch Buchannon
was the shining hero
C J Parker
was the blonde weirdo
But in the end
It was plain to see
The real star of Baywatch
Was David Chokachi
Hobie? How dumb!
Like that Aussie bum
They all had such nice teeth
With the exception of Yasmine Bleeth
What happened to Lou Rawls?
Baywatch Nights, that's alls.
Buchannon built an underwater city
Simon the Midget, what a pity
They all got along on the beach
Too bad the plot was such a reach
What was the point of the floating device
The folks were always in shallow waves
The rescues by the guards were really nice
If you could count them as real "saves"
When Santa's elves came to town
Buchannon made sure they would not drown
Hobie was mesmerized by the little clan
Not only could they act, but they were tan!
The slo-mo shots were the best
You could always focus on the breast
It made the show worth interest
to all the men in Budapest
In a prison in Texas
Baywatch helped aid a break
The guards were transfixed on the Sexiest
Women while the cons made an escape
Do you remember Mary Lou?
Flipping for the Special Olympic kids?
It sure made me happy to see her sue
The producers when her career hit the skids.
I remember Hobie's Sweet 16
When the Mexican stole his car
Hasselhoff gave him a computer screen;
He sure made a lot for a freakin' lifeguard
Mitch had trouble with fiancées
They seemed to die every year
He often sulked by the bay;
The guy shed a lot of fake tears
Mitch was a good role model
He never smoked or boozed
But he did sexually harass all the models
And he never wore any shoes
Mitch never ever made a blunder
He never took a drug
But didn't you begin to wonder
After all the men he hugged?
When Mitch wrestled the gator
He showed the world he was "da man"
After the incident , he became a traitor
To all the loyal Knight Rider fans
Baywatch is the world's favorite series
This unbelievable fact makes me leery
That one day Hasselhoff will take control
And make us wear Etonic shoes and man Beach Patrol
"I'm always here" howls the theme song
And we knew all along
That Baywatch was the phenomenon
That would sweep the world to oblivion
If I had only one last wish
It would be to punch out Mitch,
Sell Hobie's organs to the Chinese,
Make C.J.'s breast implants freeze,
Send Stephanie Holden to Iraq,
Feed the Aussie to a Croc,
Blow up the pancake house by the sea,
And kill that bastard Chokachi
Yo!
I want the time
I did the crime
I found it hard
to be a 'tard
Someone once said
I should be dead
I disagree
I need to see
The poetry
Bad ass poetry
Why me?
Jeff Gillooly,
the king WT,
was busy.
Peace out?
How about
Rainbow Trout
with sauer kraut
I seriously doubt!